How to respond...

[carolynhope]

I've recently realized the my MIL/Boss has uBPD.  I have struggled to understand why she reacts the way she does.  Why she behaves the way she does.  Now it all makes sense and knowing has helped me to feel more compassion for her when before, all I felt was anger at what I thought was obvious crazy/ridiculous behavior.  I wanted her to see it.  I don't know if she ever will.  However, now I realize that my coping was not giving in or being weak.  I was actually doing exactly what I've read in many posts about how to deal with the anger and out of control emotions.  I was thought I should fight back but if I ever do, even just a little, everything escalates.

I'm going to be asking a lot of questions but I want to break them up into separate posts.  I also want to tell more about my story but for now I just want to ask this.

How do you respond when your uBPD comes down from their 'high' of anger and becomes despondent and starts acting the victim?  She texted me today after a big blow up yesterday and said, 'I'm just so stressed'.  I want to say, 'you are responsible for your crazy stress'. But, I know that won't help.  I just can't bring myself to give her sympathy.  I"m afraid that as soon as I do, I'll be inundated with texts talking about how victimized she is. And that will really get my blood boiling.  I really don't know if I can handle giving her what she wants.  Help!

[Panda39]

Hi carolynhope,

I'm glad you've found us.  Sounds like your MIL is pretty demanding and things are even more complicated by the fact she's your boss too.

Has your MIL been diagnosed with BPD or are you like me and the person with BPD in your life just matches all the criteria?  How does your spouse fit into all of this?

You've made your way to the right board so I'd like to suggest you read the "Lessons" listed in the box to your right.  It's a good way to get started.

I want you to know that you are not alone.  Please continue to post your questions and concerns there are many members here with a family member with BPD that I know will share their experiences with you.

Again Welcome 

[clljhns]

Hi carolynhope and  

How do you respond when your uBPD comes down from their 'high' of anger and becomes despondent and starts acting the victim?  She texted me today after a big blow up yesterday and said, 'I'm just so stressed'.  I want to say, 'you are responsible for your crazy stress'. But, I know that won't help.  I just can't bring myself to give her sympathy.  I"m afraid that as soon as I do, I'll be inundated with texts talking about how victimized she is. And that will really get my blood boiling.  I really don't know if I can handle giving her what she wants.  Help!

I would suggest that you start at the Home page and read some of the articles on the right side of the page related to communication and setting boundaries. These articles offer some great tools for taking care of yourself while dealing with a pwBPD.

I've recently realized the my MIL/Boss has uBPD

This is a really difficult position you must be in given MIL is also your boss. Is there a possibility that you could work somewhere else? This would alleviate some of the conflict you are experiencing on a daily basis with MIL. Is there a possibility that you feel obligated to suffer her behavior because you work for MIL? If so, I would also recommend you read the article at the top of this page titled Fear, Obligation, and Guilt.

Let us know how you are doing. Looking forward to hearing more of your story.

All the best!