Surving a BPD breakup

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am broken, trying to make sense of a breakup that I was blind sighted by; I was proposed to and then 5 weeks later she needed it without discussion and then legally forced me to leave the apt.  I haven't worked in 1 year, have no income and gave up my apt to live with her as in my "forever home",  I also gave up may things to move in with her because according to her I didn't need them because she had X.Y.Z.  I am REELING from this !

[TheresaG]

I am broken, trying to make sense of a breakup that I was blind sighted by; I was proposed to and then 5 weeks later she needed it without discussion and then legally forced me to leave the apt.  I haven't worked in 1 year, have no income and gave up my apt to live with her as in my "forever home",  I also gave up may things to move in with her because according to her I didn't need them because she had X.Y.Z.  I am REELING from this !

[Mutt]

Hi TheresaG,

I'm sorry to hear that. It helps to talk.

That's tough she told you to get rid of everything and legally forced you out

Are you seeing a T? Have family and friends been supportive?

[EaglesJuju]

Hi TheresaG, 

I would like to join Mutt and welcome you.

The aftermath of being blindsided is really tough to cope with.   It is understandable that you would want to try to make sense of what happened.

Perhaps you can share more of your story, so we can help you try to make sense of what happened?

[TheresaG]

The story is we were together for 3.5 years, she asked me to move in and sell my place in order to do so, then - and I should have paid attention tot his- 3 weeks before I am due to move in, she said " I think we made a  mistake, I don't think you should move in", then switched gears within 24 hours when I was already starting to look for an apt.  When she realized I had actually found one, she BEGGED me to move in with her.  There were more signs:  I ignored to rages, the changes in mind, the changes in plan, the sudden mood swings, but really I ignored the bottle of Lamictal sitting on the bedroom chest that I was told " was to cut the edge off at work".  Now I understand  she lied to me about that and many more things... .one lie after the next.  I got sick, lost my job, lost my income, then lost my mom all within 6 months, and  was cramping her style I guess because she bailed on me instead of taking care of me.  The best was the marriage proposal followed 5 weeks later by legal notice kicking me out.  She was also abusive when she was doing her mood swinging.  She can be charismatic in public but boy did her BPD come out in in our relationship.   When I got help for intimate partner violence at the end and they even agree nothing was making sense, it was because she has BPD.  I have never been so burned, hurt, harmed, depleted, and broken.  I have always been very independent and self sufficient .  She took advantage of my vulnerability, which I am now molding in to strength but hasn't been without major fall out.

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, TheresaG!  We are all dealing with various relationships involving a BPD person.  It is extremely unfortunate that you are having to go through what you are.  No one deserves to be mistreated and disrespected.  Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, so try not to blame yourself for ignoring the red flags along the way. 

Hopefully you have some loving support of other family/friends who can help you during this difficult time.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi TheresaG, 

I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand how hurt and broken you feel.    It is really hard when your vulnerability feels taken advantage of.

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. 

It can be overwhelming coping with all of this at once.

I found that when I am going through a lot, my support system of family, friends, and my therapist helps.  Do you have a support system?