This is killing me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I got sucked in and the worst thing i could do was show any sense of emotion or feelings. I had known my girlfriend for three years before we actually became a couple. I always thought she was a bit crazy but loved her for her beauty, work ethic and sense of humor. She was like my surrogate girlfriend for three years and always came with me during important events etc. we had fun. She is very feisty and argumentative and could have had major blowouts with her when we were friends but I really didn't care so I let a lot of things go. she had many single guy friends that did stuff for her. I think you call them orbiters. When we became a couple that stopped but I think she resented it. She actually lives in my building which makes this worse. Long story short. We had great sex, enjoyed each others company and I took care of her little six year old who began to call me daddy. She cut it from one day to the next and had no ill will towards me until her little one texted me at 130AM.Her fifteen year old brother was watching her as her mother was out all night. The poor kid was waiting up for the mom and was lonely I went to check on her and made her go to bed. I left and went outside to the store on the way back the mom was pulling in and I should have ran the other way but I wanted to tell her what happened. Words were exchanged and now she hates me. It went from I love being in your arms and it feels like home when you are in my house to " I cant do this" and cant be in a relationship" I think she has a replacement already as there is no way she can do this without one. She basically cut me from one day to the next. I was building a life with her and got attached to her kid. Now I feel as they all died and there is nothing I can do. no matter how many times I reached out to her to tell her we had a good thing going she was distant and cold. Now its basically nothing three word texts etc. This has been the worst experience I have ever had and am falling into  deep dark depression. I was so healthy before this and now I took up smoking again because my nerves are so rattled. How can someone be so inhuman and cut off contact like it was nothing? No empathy no remorse. she can't even miss me as she has someone else paying attention to her now. What else can I do but suffer.

[Keysmiami]

I got sucked in and the worst thing i could do was show any sense of emotion or feelings. I had known my girlfriend for three years before we actually became a couple. I always thought she was a bit crazy but loved her for her beauty, work ethic and sense of humor. She was like my surrogate girlfriend for three years and always came with me during important events etc. we had fun. She is very feisty and argumentative and could have had major blowouts with her when we were friends but I really didn't care so I let a lot of things go. she had many single guy friends that did stuff for her. I think you call them orbiters. When we became a couple that stopped but I think she resented it. She actually lives in my building which makes this worse. Long story short. We had great sex, enjoyed each others company and I took care of her little six year old who began to call me daddy. She cut it from one day to the next and had no ill will towards me until her little one texted me at 130AM.Her fifteen year old brother was watching her as her mother was out all night. The poor kid was waiting up for the mom and was lonely I went to check on her and made her go to bed. I left and went outside to the store on the way back the mom was pulling in and I should have ran the other way but I wanted to tell her what happened. Words were exchanged and now she hates me. It went from I love being in your arms and it feels like home when you are in my house to " I cant do this" and cant be in a relationship" I think she has a replacement already as there is no way she can do this without one. She basically cut me from one day to the next. I was building a life with her and got attached to her kid. Now I feel as they all died and there is nothing I can do. no matter how many times I reached out to her to tell her we had a good thing going she was distant and cold. Now its basically nothing three word texts etc. This has been the worst experience I have ever had and am falling into  deep dark depression. I was so healthy before this and now I took up smoking again because my nerves are so rattled. How can someone be so inhuman and cut off contact like it was nothing? No empathy no remorse. she can't even miss me as she has someone else paying attention to her now. What else can I do but suffer.

[Infared]

Keys, my experience was similar except that I did not have the added pain of a little child involved. My heart goes out to you regarding her. (Chances are your love for her will enrage the mother more because that Will put the mother's dishonesty and self-centeredness right in her face ... .and unfortunately she will rage at and blame you for all things so that she does not have to face her ugly self.  Think 7-year-old... .caught in a lie and you will start to see what is going on here.) In my case it was quite pathological. The abrupt cutoff, the lies, the replacement, etc. I fell in love with someone who did not exist. I feel in love with some mentally sick child running her game on me. I did not know anything about pwBPD... .and I really suffered, because nothing made any sense.

You have a better shot because you are waaaaay more aware at what is going on at an early stage. You won't want to hear your solution, though. ... .absolute no contact is the best solution. To interact with her will be nothing but agony for you.  I got a therapist... and any support that I could find... .My anxiety and depression were great and I too started smoking(I never smoked my entire life). It was an intense journey of pain and healing.

There is a lot of support here , so you are in a good place. Just keep coming here and talking about your feelings. People here understand and will welcome you!  Interacting here will help to relieve the pain and profound grief that you are feeling.

[Keysmiami]

Thank you so much for replying. "I fell in love with someone who didn't exist". Hit home with me. It appeared we were happy together but she did not experience what I did. It only appeared that way. After talking to my therapist and reading all of these traits I'm convicted this is what she has. There is no rational or reasonable explanation for letting someone into your life over a three year period and then throwing them in the trash. I want to talk to her so bad and make her see what is going on but it is pointless. We were only a couple for a short while so maybe I got off easy. I picked her kid up everyday from school and really took care of her. I was the only father figure she knew. I'm crushed at the thought I'll never see her again. They were in my apartment everyday. It was a safe place for her. After she cut me my girl wanted to be friends. I will still doing things for her but didn't feel comfortable as I felt she was using me. However seeing her kids made me feel normal again but also caused me pain because I knew I wasn't with the mom. Everyday I wake up I think she is going to reach out and apologize and things will be normal. I want to reach out to her but it on,y makes it worse. What can I do. I never loved anyone like i did with her