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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: The daunting silence  (Read 812 times)
Keysmiami

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 46


« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2015, 07:53:52 AM »

This is absolutely the hardest thing to deal with. It just stopped. I was the first and last person she spoke to. The times I received a text or a call are the hardest. I literally get a sick feeling in my stomach now. I see so many commonalities in these posts. All the conversations were about her and if she did ask about me I didn't feel comfortable talking about me as I was at peace with my life but not now. Why is this so hard? It didn't help that she was beautiful and sexy and I adored and cared for her kid. I may never be with them again. I mean even if we are friends which she wanted hat kind of friend is she to me? When she cut it I experuenced three major losses in the same week. I had a death in the family and lost a gig I had as well as lost her and her kids. All in one week. I never sat with her to talk about anything. I hope I can recover.
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downnout98
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 115


« Reply #31 on: February 18, 2015, 09:48:44 AM »

What are you doing to distract yourself?

For me, I a distracting myself by concentrating on my daughter and being a good father. When I do not have my daughter I work on photography and music. These boards are most helpful.
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Keysmiami

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 46


« Reply #32 on: February 18, 2015, 04:11:37 PM »

I think what I am experiencing is common here. I am looking at it rationally but someone with BPD can't. It's like they are devoid of any human emotion. It's like they are color blind. If the color is really grey they see green or something else. There is no convincing them what it really is. Until they see what it really is there is no getting through to them. I'm not reaching out to her anymore. It's pointless. I just hope I don't have to deal with the recycle attemps down the road.
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Mr Hollande
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 631


« Reply #33 on: February 18, 2015, 05:12:56 PM »

I do miss it sometimes. But what I dont miss is the feeling of dread I would get when her ringtone went off. I knew I was going to get b___ed out for something as she started to devalue me. Used to end up making excuses, like I was in a meeting or something, to get some relief!   

Bold part of your quote 100%.

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christin5433
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 230



« Reply #34 on: February 18, 2015, 08:27:43 PM »

This is absolutely the hardest thing to deal with. It just stopped. I was the first and last person she spoke to. The times I received a text or a call are the hardest. I literally get a sick feeling in my stomach now. I see so many commonalities in these posts. All the conversations were about her and if she did ask about me I didn't feel comfortable talking about me as I was at peace with my life but not now. Why is this so hard? It didn't help that she was beautiful and sexy and I adored and cared for her kid. I may never be with them again. I mean even if we are friends which she wanted hat kind of friend is she to me? When she cut it I experuenced three major losses in the same week. I had a death in the family and lost a gig I had as well as lost her and her kids. All in one week. I never sat with her to talk about anything. I hope I can recover.

Im sorry that sounds so sad to have happen in one week mine too was who i talked w morn and nite  i had the holiday from hell. I thought at moments I just wanted to give up and die. B/u , lost family , r/s w my step daughter , no goodbyes , shut down all we had together , utilities ,bank accts ,gym membership , smear campaign , po box she even closed , med ins, name calling by her & others , she would have shut me out of my home if she could, all 3 days after she left before Christmas . 2 days After Christmas she had her ex want to hit me at the storage unit , and she and her smear campaign came over w the cops. So yes I feel ur pain. It gets better the more u keep yourself from engaging an stay the course to your own recovery .
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