Realized it too late who I've actually married...

[still_in_shock]

Hi all. Unfortunate to be here, as I was married to a person who most likley has PBD, but unaware of it. He just dumped me after 1.5 yr of marriage, after putting me through a nightmare experience.

My full story is here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=271907.0

[ForeverDad]

So what to do?  Deal with what is in order to get to a better, safer place in life.  Here is an overview of the typical basic issues:

• YOU - First and foremost, take care of yourself.  If you don't take care of yourself then your future is clouded.  Accept that your spouse does not have your best interests at heart.  Rather than making himself your best friend he has made himself your saboteur, a slick and practiced one.
  
  You need to protect yourself, there is no one single solution, there are multiple ways and strategies to deal with this.  You have various ways to find support: (1) trusted family and friends, (2) peer support such as here, (3) a perceptive and experienced counselor as well as an experienced lawyer.



• False allegations - Your spouse has already started trying to make you look worse than him and to have emotional leverage over you.  Sadly, this is a typical strategy that you need to counteract effectively.  An essential handbook for you and even your lawyer:  Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger



• Parenting and custody issues - fortunately there are no children together and so this huge trigger for divorce issues doesn't apply.  Heads up... .Be sure that if there is any intimate contact before the marriage ends that you be fully in charge of birth control, you can't trust him to cooperate on this matter.  And you don't want the unwinding of the marriage made immensely more difficult.



• Delays in divorce - As much as your spouse rejects and obstructs you, expect the divorce process to be obstructed and delayed as well in order to continue the conflict, blaming and blame shifting.  Be aware that you can't count on claims of cooperation, sudden insights, etc.  See your spouse for who he is, a user and abuser.



• Financial separation - Fortunately, your marriage is a short one.  Likely there is no way he can come after you to get support or a lot of your assets.  And you may be able to avoid shouldering much of his debts.  Some state laws may say a larger proportion of your personal assets are community/marital property, your lawyer can advise you concerning your state and local laws and their impact on you.  Find a proactive, experienced, problem-solving family law attorney.  Your case is already 'high conflict' so a form-filing, hand-holding lawyer is not enough.  Yours is not a typical case.