Hello dgabriel1962,

We are happy to have you here with us. Sorry to learn that your son is struggling with traits of BPD. Has your son ever been in therapy?
You are correct that pwBPD (people with BPD) are highly intuitive, they are emotionally driven individuals and have a keen sense of emotional observation in others... .they can usually read the slightest facial expression and even observe your breathing to know what we are trying to hide.
What do you mean exactly by "he blames himself when things in my life are not going smoothly"? Can you explain a bit more?
The good news is that it is never too late to work on self and self is where you have power. If your son is sensing manipulation in your words he is picking up on your hidden agenda. For example if you use validating statements that are insincere because your primary goal is to calm him down he will sense that and see it as manipulation. If you use validating statements in order for him feel heard and understood then he will sense that and not see it as manipulative.
These may seem like minor differences, they are not.
So I would begin with the Tools on the right side of the page... .Listen with Empathy and Validate the Valid. There are some good workshops there for you to participate in as well.
lbjnltx