My ex- boy friend needs help

[A happy life]

Hi, I am so glad to find a community where we can express our different but similar experiences. I think my ex-boyfriend has BPD. We were in a relationship for almost 7 months, but it ended very badly few days ago. One minute he is the sweetest and the smartest person in the world, and another minute he just straight up attacks me verbally and several times even physically, using my past as an excuse. I was sexually abused when I was a naive young girl, at first he showed so much sympathy and tried to help me, but later he started to attack me, saying that I am an old man F**ker (sorry for the language here, but those are his words). At first I started to think maybe I am really a dirty person but after having some counseling sessions, I realized that I should not blame myself for being abused my someone at my dad`s age. I was renting a room in his house, paying the rent. But few days ago, on a bitter cold winter night, he accused me having email contact with some old man, and threw me out of the door, left me standing in the cold, shivering. And he threw my things out in the snow. I had to call my friend to help me get my stuff and crushed at her place for several nights. I was homeless that night. It felt so bitter and extreme, didnt know what to do, but the funny thing is, I couldnt find an excuse to hate him, because I still love him very deeply. I just hope that he gets some help and being able to start a normal life. Maybe with someone else, but I wish him the best. Hope there are some treatments available for people with BPD, and hope more research to be done to help them. Because as we feel the pain they caused us, I am sure they feel the pain themselves too. They need help.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jessica84]

I am so sorry that happened to you   

BPD relationships can be challenging and the breakups are often brutal.

What are your plans now? Have you moved out?

[EaglesJuju]

Hi A happy life,  

Welcome.

I am sorry that you are going through this.  I understand how painful and difficult it is to cope with abusive behavior.  

You have really have endured quite a bit of abuse in your lifetime and and I find it admirable that you can share your story with others who have gone though similar situations.    Your strength is an inspiration for sexually abused survivors.  I am glad that you do not blame yourself. It is not your fault.

It must be really hard for you to have to cope with your bf making nasty and cruel comments about your sexual abuse. I can only imagine how triggering that must have been for you and to cope with his abuse on top of that.  

How are you doing?  Are you staying somewhere safe?

BPD is a disorder of intense and erratic behavior.  One moment a person with BPD (pwBPD) can be sweet and kind and then can become nasty and angry.  The core of BPD is emotional dysregulation.  PwBPD have a very hard time controlling emotions/feelings and tend to be overly sensitive to emotional stimuli.  Also, pwBPD tend to have issues with impulsivity.  Their reactions to certain things can be quick and without thought.  

I understand how hurtful words can be.  My bf has said things that he knew would be incredibly hurtful so "I could feel his pain."  I do realize it is because of the disorder, regardless it still is painful.  

There are treatments for BPD. The most popular types of treatment for BPD are Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Schema Therapy.  I do agree with you, that pwBPD do need help, but it is very hard for pwBPD to recognize and accept that they need help.