Just a little confused if my family member has BPD

[kthomas]

Good morning... .I have been reviewing different sites and the more I read the more I feel the person I am worried about has BPD.  This person pretty much has all the traits... .but how do you suggest to them that they might need help.

[tjay933]

First: Welcome to the group.

it is generally not recommended to tell them yourself. are they seeing a therapist/counsellor? if so, the counsellor/therapist would be in a better position to tell/inform them if the therapist feels that would be in the patients best interest.

generally, when you tell them yourself one of two things happen: 1. they deny it and 2. they project this onto you and being your problem not theirs. this generally leads to more conflict-and you probably know how that feels. the best thing for you to do at this point is to get educated on persons with BPD through books/online and start with the lessons on the side of the screen there as they can help you to learn more about them and you.

one thing I have learnt here is that we can not change them. we can only change ourselves no matter how much we love them, they have to want to change themselves. also, we can't help them unless we are healthy enough ourselves. that is where healing comes in.

is there some specific topic that you are looking for advise on or just trying to make sense of it all? is it a family member/romantic partner or child/parent that you are asking about?

we are all here to help you heal, hear your story, tell you ours, compare notes on what helps/doesn't help and I'm sure much more I just can't think of right now. we are all healing at different stages and I'm sure you will find many, many people here with experiences you can relate to. or if you just need to vent, we feel for you too.

[kthomas]

Thank you and this person is a close family member.  This person was seeing a psychiatrist and over the past 7 years he has diagnosed her with bipolar disorder and given her so many different pills that I can't keep track.  She displays all the typical BPD in my thought and not the bipolar issues.   She doesn't have outrageous spending sprees or stuff like that.  It's mood swings super angry and dilusional and drinking way too much... .makes up stuff.  Like her boyfriend has locked her out of her computer and he put a tracker on her car and he is verbally abusive but if you call her out and say the the heck out then... .she says no that's ok.   I have put up boundaries that is for sure. I had too.   Also if you ask the children (which is sad) but they both talk to me I actually don't ask)  they always say it's mom not dad.     And of course it is the typical it is everyone else's fault and we don't help enough etc.  We she is a grown adult and we shouldn't have top help I mean grown adult (mid 30's) works full time does a great job at work but don't know how she can do so well at work but is so angry and unhappy while at home.    I have suggested to my other family members to set boundaries cause they get way to caught up trying to save her and help her and she couldn't care less and never says thank you its always ... .I am so tired... .I am sick... .I have a headache... .  I am only one person ... .etc.   I am one person and I do my job and my chores... .cook dinner, laundry pay bills etc that is life.    Anyway  I guess sometimes you just need a place to vent too.  So thanks for any feed back I might get.

KT

[tjay933]

a lot of pwBPD are also diagnosed with other things like bipolar, so the therapist may be correct in that but may not be able to see the BPD or hasn't told her about it yet.

Sorry that you have such a confusing time with her. 

glad to hear about your boundaries and the closeness to the kids-they really do need you more than you can know-keep them both up as they are necessary whether she has BPD or not.

there is lots to learn about BPD and since each person has different combinations of the traits coupled with secondary/other diagnosis, there is always going to be more than one way to effectively interact with them. there are lots of suggestions in the lessons on the side-more than I can get through in a few sittings that's for sure. and if you just need to vent, read about others, share, know that you are not alone in your dealings with her. we all have someone here that we have to deal with to one extent or another and we all learn from each other-if for nothing other than to realize we are all going through the same things-we aren't alone.

if you have specific questions, ask away, there will always be someone or many someones that have gone through the same and they may be able to tell you what did/didn't work for them or some ideas that will help.

above all, stay safe.

[kthomas]

Thank you!