to my replacement

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

                                                             It has been almost 7 months since I ridded myself of a complete train wreck that almost ruined my life.  I’m referring to a diagnosed person with borderline personality disorder, (DpwBPD) who was unresolved and refused my efforts to help or get her the help she so badly needs and deserves as a human being as a victim of incest at the hands of her father and the enabling of (as I suspect) a disordered mother.   Even if she receives help, ie:  gets sober, and seeks out intense counseling through a “qualified” therapist, there are NO guarantees of improvement                                                      Since the break up, officially in August,( I had her sister get her July 16th) when I discovered she had shacked up with a complete stranger, (you) she found on a roommate website, instead of seeking counseling like she said she was doing, she ultimately painted me “black” therefore abandoned any final efforts at “true love” and reconciliation. I was floored! How could she leave me for some strange old dude after all I had been through with her, (saving her Navy career by getting her clean and sober and saving her life after her suicide attempt)?   I had no idea what I had just experienced or how someone could turn against someone “they said they loved and wanted to marry so adamantly”, so quickly, for almost 3 years….it didn’t make sense! I just knew I’d been betrayed! So I began doing in depth research on Bpd and discovered  just how ignorant I was on the subject and how naïve I was in my thinking that I could somehow “love” or “fix” this person so that we could have a “normal loving” relationship. I soon discovered that Bpd was much bigger than I was. The relationship was doomed from the start, as were all her former relationships and affairs in the past. I know of MANY. I’m sure I DON’T know them all because unlike you, I had to discover this all on my own. I never heard from the man before me that I “replaced”. She didn’t want that. I was lead to believe, by her, that he was a creep and a monster. I know now that wasn’t true, it was her blaming him for “abandoning” her and painting him black,  like me, (now I’m the rotten ex), when he could no longer take her sick bull___ and abuse, he walked away after close to 20 yrs. I know that he was a “nice” guy, non-confrontational, kind of an enabling door mat type. Since she was in the Navy and the main bread winner for most of their relationship because he was a “dependent”, she dominated and used that poor guy for a whipping post. The last half of their marriage they slept in separate bedrooms. How very sad I was to learn of all this. I feel bad for the guy. He really did the best he could under the circumstances but he never had a chance, nor clue. He just took the abuse til he couldn’t.                                                                        If I could, I’d tell the man what I’ve learned and that it wasn’t his fault.  Even if I had been warned about her, would I have listened to a so called “disgruntled” ex? Hard to say, I was in the F-O-G with her very quickly, (as I’m sure you are now), “love bombing” over familiarity, “we have so much in common blah blah blah etc. That was just her mirroring me and playing a victim, to bring out the rescuer in me, since her ex was so rotten to her. (GAG!) One thing is for sure, knowing who I am, if I had been warned, it would have stuck with me and I would have seen the “red flags” more clearly. Had I the knowledge, I would have seen the similarities much sooner and dealt with them in a timelier fashion so as not to have been blind-sided and ultimately crushed like a pepsi can. Would it have changed the outcome of our relationship? Certainly not…... She didn’t love me or any other man she was intimate with in her past. We were all just mere possessions in her Bpd world because she cannot stand to be alone physically or in her own thoughts. It’s far too agonizing for her. Facing her so called “demons” is an impossibility,  (like new year’s eve when she ran and hid in the restroom and had a conniption because she couldn’t face her own shame after seeing me). If you think that was an accident, think again. She knew I would be there and she set you and I up to create drama. She knew I would confront both of you there because it’s my nature and I have always called her on her hypocrisies. That won’t happen again, “my” friend has unfriended her on fb and blocked her so she can’t see or show up uninvited to anymore of his gigs, (thanks buddy!) as have all my other friends.  She has no “real” friends, you may have noticed. By the way, how many have you met so far?  Where are they?                                                         So I have a few more questions for you; 1, How many times has she wet the bed due to her being so drunk that she loses control of her bladder? 2, How many things has she broken and or replaced because they were there before she was? 3, How many times has she raged at you because she didn’t get her way or have you allowed it to “keep the peace”? 4, How many times has she gotten a little too cozy with a friend/stranger because she was drunk? 5, How many mystery messages does she answer at all hours of the night? 6, How many times does she get up in the middle of the night with “night creeps”? 7, how many times does she go for walks in the middle of the night? How jealous has she gotten of your platonic friends that she refuses to be around or pushes them away? 8, Is she jealous of your daughter and the amount of time you spend with her? 9, How many times have you looked the other way or been ashamed of how she acts when she’s intoxicated? 10, Have you set any boundaries with her in which she pushed them to the limit or completely disregarded? 11, How many lies or withholdings have you caught her in, ( I know of at least one where she told you we weren’t speaking and I informed you that we were.)?  Finally, how much of this rings true with you that you’re willing to ignore?                                          In closing,  I want to thank you for taking her off my hands and being her latest mark.  I don’t do this in hopes of ever having her back. I do this for my own healing. Quite the contrary, I DON’T want her back! After almost 3 years, I found out she wasn’t at all who I thought she was. Just a complete phony.  She almost destroyed me, to which I’m still recovering. I’ve discovered a great support network on line full of people who have gone through very similar experiences with pwBPD, (eerily similar, like they go by the same play book) in which I have found solid validations to theories and answers to my questions that I would never have gotten from her, (again, I’m the crazy one according to her) due to her selfish and childish affliction.  My good days are outnumbering the bad and I’m dating again and I realize that it’s ok. Yes, we shared good times together publicly and mostly intimately, (she’s decent in the sack and loves performing fellatio and I might add, swallowing bodily fluids). When I think about that, and all the bad she put me through and realizing how many men she’s been with, fills me with the urge to projectile vomit.  Now, you can think about that the next time you kiss her on the lips good night. If your fog is so thick, that you think you can cure her of all this, (lying, manipulating, dysregulation, self-abuse, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and all that is Bpd) on your own, or it will somehow magically fix itself, (like the rest of us did) in the words of Judas Priest, ”you got another thing coming!” Good luck with that……   or maybe your just as sick as she is, or just don’t care.                                                                                                                     Sincerely,                                                                           Relievedandfreed    

[rlhmm]

                                                             It has been almost 7 months since I ridded myself of a complete train wreck that almost ruined my life.  I’m referring to a diagnosed person with borderline personality disorder, (DpwBPD) who was unresolved and refused my efforts to help or get her the help she so badly needs and deserves as a human being as a victim of incest at the hands of her father and the enabling of (as I suspect) a disordered mother.   Even if she receives help, ie:  gets sober, and seeks out intense counseling through a “qualified” therapist, there are NO guarantees of improvement                                                      Since the break up, officially in August,( I had her sister get her July 16th) when I discovered she had shacked up with a complete stranger, (you) she found on a roommate website, instead of seeking counseling like she said she was doing, she ultimately painted me “black” therefore abandoned any final efforts at “true love” and reconciliation. I was floored! How could she leave me for some strange old dude after all I had been through with her, (saving her Navy career by getting her clean and sober and saving her life after her suicide attempt)?   I had no idea what I had just experienced or how someone could turn against someone “they said they loved and wanted to marry so adamantly”, so quickly, for almost 3 years….it didn’t make sense! I just knew I’d been betrayed! So I began doing in depth research on Bpd and discovered  just how ignorant I was on the subject and how naïve I was in my thinking that I could somehow “love” or “fix” this person so that we could have a “normal loving” relationship. I soon discovered that Bpd was much bigger than I was. The relationship was doomed from the start, as were all her former relationships and affairs in the past. I know of MANY. I’m sure I DON’T know them all because unlike you, I had to discover this all on my own. I never heard from the man before me that I “replaced”. She didn’t want that. I was lead to believe, by her, that he was a creep and a monster. I know now that wasn’t true, it was her blaming him for “abandoning” her and painting him black,  like me, (now I’m the rotten ex), when he could no longer take her sick bull___ and abuse, he walked away after close to 20 yrs. I know that he was a “nice” guy, non-confrontational, kind of an enabling door mat type. Since she was in the Navy and the main bread winner for most of their relationship because he was a “dependent”, she dominated and used that poor guy for a whipping post. The last half of their marriage they slept in separate bedrooms. How very sad I was to learn of all this. I feel bad for the guy. He really did the best he could under the circumstances but he never had a chance, nor clue. He just took the abuse til he couldn’t.                                                                        If I could, I’d tell the man what I’ve learned and that it wasn’t his fault.  Even if I had been warned about her, would I have listened to a so called “disgruntled” ex? Hard to say, I was in the F-O-G with her very quickly, (as I’m sure you are now), “love bombing” over familiarity, “we have so much in common blah blah blah etc. That was just her mirroring me and playing a victim, to bring out the rescuer in me, since her ex was so rotten to her. (GAG!) One thing is for sure, knowing who I am, if I had been warned, it would have stuck with me and I would have seen the “red flags” more clearly. Had I the knowledge, I would have seen the similarities much sooner and dealt with them in a timelier fashion so as not to have been blind-sided and ultimately crushed like a pepsi can. Would it have changed the outcome of our relationship? Certainly not…... She didn’t love me or any other man she was intimate with in her past. We were all just mere possessions in her Bpd world because she cannot stand to be alone physically or in her own thoughts. It’s far too agonizing for her. Facing her so called “demons” is an impossibility,  (like new year’s eve when she ran and hid in the restroom and had a conniption because she couldn’t face her own shame after seeing me). If you think that was an accident, think again. She knew I would be there and she set you and I up to create drama. She knew I would confront both of you there because it’s my nature and I have always called her on her hypocrisies. That won’t happen again, “my” friend has unfriended her on fb and blocked her so she can’t see or show up uninvited to anymore of his gigs, (thanks buddy!) as have all my other friends.  She has no “real” friends, you may have noticed. By the way, how many have you met so far?  Where are they?                                                         So I have a few more questions for you; 1, How many times has she wet the bed due to her being so drunk that she loses control of her bladder? 2, How many things has she broken and or replaced because they were there before she was? 3, How many times has she raged at you because she didn’t get her way or have you allowed it to “keep the peace”? 4, How many times has she gotten a little too cozy with a friend/stranger because she was drunk? 5, How many mystery messages does she answer at all hours of the night? 6, How many times does she get up in the middle of the night with “night creeps”? 7, how many times does she go for walks in the middle of the night? How jealous has she gotten of your platonic friends that she refuses to be around or pushes them away? 8, Is she jealous of your daughter and the amount of time you spend with her? 9, How many times have you looked the other way or been ashamed of how she acts when she’s intoxicated? 10, Have you set any boundaries with her in which she pushed them to the limit or completely disregarded? 11, How many lies or withholdings have you caught her in, ( I know of at least one where she told you we weren’t speaking and I informed you that we were.)?  Finally, how much of this rings true with you that you’re willing to ignore?                                          In closing,  I want to thank you for taking her off my hands and being her latest mark.  I don’t do this in hopes of ever having her back. I do this for my own healing. Quite the contrary, I DON’T want her back! After almost 3 years, I found out she wasn’t at all who I thought she was. Just a complete phony.  She almost destroyed me, to which I’m still recovering. I’ve discovered a great support network on line full of people who have gone through very similar experiences with pwBPD, (eerily similar, like they go by the same play book) in which I have found solid validations to theories and answers to my questions that I would never have gotten from her, (again, I’m the crazy one according to her) due to her selfish and childish affliction.  My good days are outnumbering the bad and I’m dating again and I realize that it’s ok. Yes, we shared good times together publicly and mostly intimately, (she’s decent in the sack and loves performing fellatio and I might add, swallowing bodily fluids). When I think about that, and all the bad she put me through and realizing how many men she’s been with, fills me with the urge to projectile vomit.  Now, you can think about that the next time you kiss her on the lips good night. If your fog is so thick, that you think you can cure her of all this, (lying, manipulating, dysregulation, self-abuse, depression, anxiety, paranoia, and all that is Bpd) on your own, or it will somehow magically fix itself, (like the rest of us did) in the words of Judas Priest, ”you got another thing coming!” Good luck with that……   or maybe your just as sick as she is, or just don’t care.                                                                                                                     Sincerely,                                                                           Relievedandfreed    

[JohnLove]

PHEW! rihmm... .I hope you feel so much better.  

[rlhmm]

johnlove, actually i do. just stating the truths that i've discovered and unloading. it is very much a relief. thats the last waste of my precious time time that i'm willing to give on this horrible subject and a horrible person. like i said, i did that for me and MY healing! that goes in the mail tomorrow. 

[ta777]

You have guts sending that out!

I sorta want to do something similar but I know he won't ever believe me. My uBPDexgf said my replacement knew about me as they had their affair but I think that was a lie. I want to let him know shes a liar, cheater, manipulator, etc... .But I've held back.

[BorisAcusio]

johnlove, actually i do. just stating the truths that i've discovered and unloading. it is very much a relief. thats the last waste of my precious time time that i'm willing to give on this horrible subject and a horrible person. like i said, i did that for me and MY healing! that goes in the mail tomorrow.  

I can only hope that you won't send it. I'm sorry that all of that happened to you, unloading and discussing on this board is a healthy way to process what happened, sending it to your replacement would be a serious disregard of boundaries, only reinforcing the vengeful, persecutory image of you. 

Talking about safety, borderlines could be extremely vengeful, my BPDex expected me take revenge on some guy who wronged her in the past. I'm sure that with her "open door policy" she will evenetually find someone who's willing to do that for her. Be glad that you could leave relatively unschated.

[JohnLove]

rihmm, I kinda figured you'd posted it here as you weren't going to actually send it out.

I didn't realise your intention was for us to proof read.  

I don't think sending it is a good idea, and here's why... .this is YOUR truth. It is still the truth nonetheless but it is yours. It may not be accepted by others and your intention to undermine your exBPDgf may not work and could potentially backfire... .and that's not good for you. It is highly unlikely to have the desired effect with your "replacement"... .

I'm just seeing that you put a lot of effort into your "relationship" with your exBPDgf... .perhaps that's understating things... .you put in your heart and soul... .you really did... .for her only to contradict herself and take a completely different path destroying any hope of an intimate relationship in the process. That is extremely hurtful. You understand what an intimate partnership is... .and she so obviously doesn't. She will figure that out for herself. You know you could never accept a person like that into your life as someone special. You shared intimacy at one time. You feel you were manipulated and I reckon you're right. But the FOG has lifted now.

Your self awareness is pretty impressive. Now that you have written it out... .and shared it with us. We know. We understand what you are talking about. We have your back.

This is an incredibly painful learning experience. It is the hardest thing. But you will never enter into another relationship like this unknowingly ever again. And as painful as it is that is her real gift to you... .

I am not telling you not to send it, I am not telling you to forgive her, all I would suggest is that you reconsider. You hold the power now. Don't give it away.

[Deeno02]

I like what you did. I did the same. I did not send it. I wont send it. Also wrote her a letter as well. Didnt send it, wont send it. I do re-read them now and again to make myself remember just why Im on this board. But, If I could say one thing to the replacement, it would have to be "Good luck. You'll need it".

[Aussie0zborn]

Very well written and I'm sure it was very therapeutic. I wouldn't send it to him for a few reasons... .

1. He already "knows" that you are a jerk and this will simply "prove" it. She will find a way to discredit you to her new man even further.

2. Ignoring a person like this is your sweetest revenge.

3. You might get a visit from the police for harassment and/or find yourself in court with a restraining order.

4. Any attention you give such a person will only feed them further. I wouldn't even waste my money on a postage stamp let alone the ink toner and a sheet of paper.

5. Him vindicating you of any wrongdoing is not worth as much as you think it is, and you can't be there to warn the guys after him.

Such people are not worth our attention. I do hope you don't give her yours.

[rlhmm]

hmmm... .very thoughtful responses and excellent points being made here. i need to consider them all. i will restrain myself from sending it at this point. if anyone else has an opinion i'd love to hear them. thanks to all who have weighed in so far!   

[m-and-m]

I agree with most here... .Although it is such an AWESOME feeling to get this out... .She has already made you out to be a horrible person, and sending that will just confirm it. After I split with my ex, a good friend of mine came over and she told me... ."When you introduced my husband and I to her, i could tell immediately that she was going to have issues and wasnt good for you." so i asked why didnt you mention that to me? She replied with "Would you have listen to me then?" she was right... .i was twiterpated.

everything you have written i have experienced, even the jealousy of my time spent with my daughter... .ugh, still hurts. But that is your truth, not his.

I was lucky enough to be contacted by an ex (from pre my BPDex) and it worked out perfect for me... .here is why

when ex BPD (J) and i got together ex(L) hooked up with her ex... .they were together for awhile and (J) and I were together for 5 years. Well after J and I split, L ran into my brother and asked how i was, and he kind of filled her in... .She text me that night to meet up and chat sometime.

A few days later i met her and she wanted to tell me what her Ex had to say about J when they split... .Almost all the same things that happen to me! Oh and J painted that man so Black, so i can only imagine that things she told my replacement! but ohwell, i know who I am, so piss on anyone who may thing different .

anyhow, ex L and I met up a few more times to just chat, and she told me that the relationship her and I had was one of the best she had ever had... .And to know that I wasnt the problem in my last breakup. WHAT A COMPLIMENT! that was a big help because at that time i was in the "Am I the crazy one" phase.

anyhow... .Dont send the letter, thats just a can of worms better left sealed and at the bottom of the Pacific! Its YOU time now, dont worry about him.

Plus it would just look like a complete attack on her.

Good luck!   

[love4meNOTu]

Hello OP-

I wanted to say two things from my own experience w/ my xhwBPD. The one time I reached out after our divorce and asked for closure... you know the endless wondering of ... ."Why did you do those horrible things to someone you professed to love?"... .I was met with disdain and anger.

When I look back on my actions now, I see a terribly confused woman who had very low self worth. I pity her. To this day I wish I had never contacted that abusive POS. (PS He was already engaged to another within months of our divorce - of course I had no idea).

Took a while to get over that. I don't wish the same for you.

To people w/ BPD I think any contact, even if it is negative, fuels them. Maybe leads them to think you still want them, which in my case was NOT TRUE in the least. It's a resource that they feel they can tap at any time, when they are running low.

Good luck to you...

[Deeno02]

hmmm... .very thoughtful responses and excellent points being made here. i need to consider them all. i will restrain myself from sending it at this point. if anyone else has an opinion i'd love to hear them. thanks to all who have weighed in so far!   

Ok, one more example of a mistake I made. When we were together, her social media was private. Instagram you had to request permission. Well, Im dumped, new guy a week later, poof, social media now is not private. Saw a picture of them together and she looked happy. I, like a dumbass, thought maybe we could be adults about it and commented"Im glad your happy... take care my love". Got a text(shocked she had my number still as I dont have hers) blistering me for commenting on her picture, being passive agressive, dont ever do it again, delete it... .and on and on. Yep, never will do that again.

[Confused?]

Based on what my ex told me about her exes I wouldn't send it. She told me they were physically abusive an cheaters. If I would have received a letter from her ex like this I would have believed her even more. The main reason people are with borderlines is because of fog. The fog has to be lifted for you to see them in their true form. Your replacement will eventually see it and probably already does. I mean we all knew something was wrong but we loved this person, stuck with them, and then poof gone. He will get the same thing. The only thing you would ever be helping by sending that letter is his detachment. Months or years later when she leaves him he will say that guy was right. But right now it wouldn't help anyone. My ex was the greatest liar I have ever met. I'm sure she lied about me to everyone she knows and I would never think of sending a letter to my replacement.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Based on what my ex told me about her exes I wouldn't send it. She told me they were physically abusive an cheaters. If I would have received a letter from her ex like this I would have believed her even more. The main reason people are with borderlines is because of fog. The fog has to be lifted for you to see them in their true form. Your replacement will eventually see it and probably already does. I mean we all knew something was wrong but we loved this person, stuck with them, and then poof gone. He will get the same thing. The only thing you would ever be helping by sending that letter is his detachment. Months or years later when she leaves him he will say that guy was right. But right now it wouldn't help anyone. My ex was the greatest liar I have ever met. I'm sure she lied about me to everyone she knows and I would never think of sending a letter to my replacement.

I think you are right. I know when my exgf told me about her passive agressive, abusing exH and listened to her tell me about their conversations re their kids, I believed her! I now know why he never wanted her back either. She can be a raging b****. And now she's peri menopausal! So at least she has that as an excuse on the new guy... .

The point being, after 10 yrs, after finally seeing her for what she is, I can understand why he didn't want her back. And I am sure the things that she told me that happened in their marriage are only a fraction of of the truth. Because she has to give at least a grain of truth. But when we were together, I truly believed he was the jerk.

As for our relationship? I would bet a million dollars she has changed me into some guy she dated who was abusive ad nauseum. We were a lesbian couple. Together 9.5 years. That I know of she only told one person about us in all that time together. All of my friends knew we were together as a couple. We were amazingly discreet, she had young kids, lived in a deep red state, and is Hispanic. Worse than all of that though was her own internalized homophobia. And her mother, but that's another story.

Everyone is right on how the replacement will view you, and most people aren't gonna believe the one who got jilted. Plus I really think it could set up a visit from the po-po to you. And there's nothing fun about that.

[clydegriffith]

Nice read! I kind of sort of want to reach out to the latest replacement and tell him the baby the bpx is passing off as his most likely isn't but i will refrain from such behavior... .for now.

[Heldfast]

I hate the replacement as he induced her to cheat (yes, she probably invited him in). But no, I can't hang on to the hate. I would say you're getting a person who can be wonderful, but she has some issues which she isn't prepared to face (refuses diagnosis, avoids her former therapist like the plague), and he cannot fix. But I don't want her to have a miserable, horrible life. I don't want anyone I have loved to have such. It's going to be hard enough on her already, maybe someone can get her to see that she needs care, but I doubt it.

[rlhmm]

once again thank you all for your invaluable input!  group hug!  ! i also realized that this is breaking NC in the worst way! i'm steadfast in my thoughts that i dont want to see or hear of the exdBPDgf again! we have no ties, kids etc so there is no excuse for either one of us to contact one another.  i dont owe that scumbag replacement any favors, the bottom line is by being a scumbag, he did me a HUUUGE favor, or i'd most certainly be dealing with her... .in some form or another. once again, thank you all! i knew there was a reason i came here first before sending it. the letter has been destroyed and stamp saved for more worthy snail mailing options.  who knows, the jacka$$ may wind up here in the future and read it anyway.   

[Invictus01]

I don't know who my ex ended up with and frankly, don't care. For that matter, the guy took a mentally ill person off my hands. Sure, it hurts like crazy in the short term (even though it was just a 6 month relationship), but what these relationships do to people after years and years... .I don't even wanna think about it. So, in a way, my replacement did me a favor.

[Infared]

Very well written and I'm sure it was very therapeutic. I wouldn't send it to him for a few reasons... .

1. He already "knows" that you are a jerk and this will simply "prove" it. She will find a way to discredit you to her new man even further.

2. Ignoring a person like this is your sweetest revenge.

3. You might get a visit from the police for harassment and/or find yourself in court with a restraining order.

4. Any attention you give such a person will only feed them further. I wouldn't even waste my money on a postage stamp let alone the ink toner and a sheet of paper.

5. Him vindicating you of any wrongdoing is not worth as much as you think it is, and you can't be there to warn the guys after him.

Such people are not worth our attention. I do hope you don't give her yours.

I agree with all of the points Aussie brings up above.

I was at a point in my recovery where I was as angry and wanted revenge. The thing is, you will just be feeding her negative drama and she will "get off" on knowing that she has upset you this much. It will be empowering to her, (They are very disturbed individuals).

Also... she has told him many, many lies and lied by omission about you repeatedly to manipulate the situation for herself.  We cannot comprehend the depth of their dysfunction.

Venting here and getting feedback and support is a very healthy part of recovery from these horrible situations IMHO.  Sending that letter is feeding the negative energy.

Love you and head toward the light... .leave that behind you. Writing it down and sharing with us is cathartic and so healthy.   There is nothing to be done there except to save you!

My thoughts are with you.

[Blimblam]

If you want to send it its up to you but you might regret it.  I have read several accounts of exs contacting the replacements and only read of 1 positive result the rest were overwhelmingly negative and they regretted it after. 

The fact of the matter is you are playing a game with the disorder a game of power and the likeness that this makes you looks weak is high. 

[Infared]

once again thank you all for your invaluable input!  group hug!  ! i also realized that this is breaking NC in the worst way! i'm steadfast in my thoughts that i dont want to see or hear of the exdBPDgf again! we have no ties, kids etc so there is no excuse for either one of us to contact one another.  i dont owe that scumbag replacement any favors, the bottom line is by being a scumbag, he did me a HUUUGE favor, or i'd most certainly be dealing with her... .in some form or another. once again, thank you all! i knew there was a reason i came here first before sending it. the letter has been destroyed and stamp saved for more worthy snail mailing options.  who knows, the jacka$$ may wind up here in the future and read it anyway.   

Oh... I read your second post here AFTER I posted, above.

It's great how we can all understand these situations here and be supportive. GOOD suff!

[love4meNOTu]

once again thank you all for your invaluable input!  group hug!  ! i also realized that this is breaking NC in the worst way! i'm steadfast in my thoughts that i dont want to see or hear of the exdBPDgf again! we have no ties, kids etc so there is no excuse for either one of us to contact one another.  i dont owe that scumbag replacement any favors, the bottom line is by being a scumbag, he did me a HUUUGE favor, or i'd most certainly be dealing with her... .in some form or another. once again, thank you all! i knew there was a reason i came here first before sending it. the letter has been destroyed and stamp saved for more worthy snail mailing options.  who knows, the jacka$$ may wind up here in the future and read it anyway.   

That is a decision that is good for YOU!

Happy to hear it!

L

[rlhmm]

it is Infrared, i really appreciate the support here, good stuff indeed! Yes loveformenotu, it is the healthy decision for myself to make! we all get a little offtrack. rumination can be rough to work through. uuuurrrg!