Talking behind my back

[deux soeurs]

I am not sure why I care but I do... .My BPD sister is a regular on a website she shared with me.  She obviously forgot.  She is on there everyday posting terrible things not only about her own kid, but dad, bro, mom etc.  When my mom died, I became her latest target.  The stuff she says is hard to read.  It is based on some truth but most of it is fiction.  Both my brother and I know this but it still bothers me.  She also likes to throw in "what I think and feel" about things.  UGHHH she does not know.  A lot of her facts are made to make her look like a victim and the rest as abusers.  She is so awful about what she says about me.  I am no angel but the way she portrays me makes me seem without morals, heartless, mean, etc.  She doesn't even know me as I held back so much of who I am because I never trusted her.  I know, stop going there and reading.  I wish I could.  Not sure why I am drawn to reading her "crazy, borderline" version of life.  Oh, did I mention she is a writer?  Thanks for letting me vent... . 

[NGU]

Oh, did I mention she is a writer? 

... .So she writes this convincingly and knows how to structure her words for maximum impact.

It's hard to stop reading stuff like that once you start... .sort of like rubbernecking as you drive by a car accident. I've had to check my W's email when she got very low a couple times. It's soul-crushing, and quite difficult to dig up enough perspective so you can recover.

Is she writing this with her real name attached, and/or a site that family/friends can stumble upon while Googling names? That would obviously make her ranting a lot more "dangerous."

[Turkish]

Feelings=facts 

You know the truth, and it's hard to see her venting and making up things like that. What are you getting out of continuing to read her stuff? Like NGU implies, does any of it expose family members by name such that you might fear a smear campaign which could bleed over into real life?

I won't go into my Ex's "spin" of reality. Like my T said, whom she quit seeing after two appointments, there was some truth to the things my Ex talked about, but maybe 15%. Thus, she convinced herself and most others that she was doing the right thing. If only they knew the real truth... .facts: dates, times, events, that I documented.

In retrospect, I knew a high/low functioning pwBPD many years ago. I was split black as a friend, and didn't care enough to re-engage, even when she tried later. I was curious, so I searched online for her and found that she was writing poetry online. She talked about abuse, and got a lot of sympathy from fellow authors. What she didn't talk about is that she was arrested for pulling a butcher knife on her stbxH. She was arrested for assaulting her bf and spent a week in the county psych ward. Those are facts that I know. Her reality is what she felt or feels, not necessarily what happened.

[deux soeurs]

She talked about abuse, and got a lot of sympathy from fellow authors. What she didn't talk about is that she was arrested for pulling a butcher knife on her stbxH. She was arrested for assaulting her bf and spent a week in the county psych ward. Those are facts that I know. Her reality is what she felt or feels, not necessarily what happened.

Turkish I so get this.  They tell the truth but leave out important details that show them for what they are.

You are smart to not read or engage.  I am NC with my sister, almost a year.

NGU  The website uses fake names.  Many on the website know her real name, where she lives, kids names etc.  I am referred to by my first initial, where I live, age.  It would be hard for someone to figure out who I am but they could.  This bothers me too.  She references what I do for work, friends etc.  She is published on the internet.  She writes "erotica" and is wonderful with words.  She is a fiction writer.

They believe the stuff they write I suppose.  Ever since my mom passed, she has turned her venom on me. 

We the loved ones of these illnesses suffer so much abuse.  I am grateful to have a safe place here with folks whom "get it"!

[NGU]

Many on the website know her real name, where she lives, kids names etc.  I am referred to by my first initial, where I live, age.  It would be hard for someone to figure out who I am but they could.  This bothers me too.  She references what I do for work, friends etc.

I'm going to assume something, so please correct me if I'm wrong.

These website members who know her personal/family information... .they don't live anyway near you, right? In other words, you won't be walking down the street and get strange looks or be at the store and notice people turning their nose up at you.

[deux soeurs]

NGU I don't know where the folks live.  There are thousand's of members and many guests.  It is a stretch, but, my sister mentions Wisconsin a lot.  While you are not supposed to she has used her kids real names.  I am thinking more of a "guest" googling and happening upon the sight.  Will it happen?  Idk probably not.  Could it?  Maybe. The thing that bothers me the most is how she leaves so many important details out of her stories.  I do sound crazy ... .She also doesn't mention all the cruel, mean things she has done to our mom, dad, me, brother and.  I don't suppose she would though.  She is BPD and was diagnosed although she denies this now and says I am... .UGHHHH

   

[Skip]

A lot of her facts are made to make her look like a victim and the rest as abusers.  

So its probably about her - not the folks she talks about.

She is so awful about what she says about me.  I am no angel but... .

Maybe its not a good idea to spy on her. It certainly is not good to confront her. That would be like reading a diary.  She is doing this in the blogosphere - not in real life - and she is living getting some solace from it - even it is wrong.

Thanks for letting me vent... . 

And you are too.    

If their is lesosn one to learn at bpdfamily is "be careful not to persomnalize".  Since she is clearing a wide path (bashing several people) it should be easier to see that this is not about you.

Spying on her or stepping into her "support", if caught, will feel very violating to her (anyone).

What do you think?

What would you want to resolve this?  Why is it something that she holds onto?  There is a reason.  Might not be good, but, ... .

[goingtostopthis]

deux,

         I can really relate to this. My mom and sister talk behind my back all the time. They even do it when they are 10 feet away from me. We had a disagreement one night, actually an abuse episode on me and I walked out as a boundary of not tolerating being ganged up on. I am finally learning about control tactics abusers use, and I was amazed how they went down the list. Anyways, I walked out and of course they didnt "like" that because they cant control me and the next morning I get this call from my mom on my cell phone and at first it didnt go through, then it rang again, I answered and something happened where my mom had accidently called me back and didnt know it. For 4 minutes I could hear then talking I think about me. It was half gargled where I could only pick up a few phrases here and there. One of them was: Shell probably burn the house down and another one was: she all ways blows things out of proportion , and they were laughing and comforting each other with their own sick sense of validation to themselves. It was like two blind people thinking they can see and me,  I was half deaf with ear glued to the phone. Of course it bothered me. I was haunted by it for days. I told my mother about this accidental call(ya. I did) and how disturbing it was and how it went on for 4 minutes.  I never told her I could barely understand it.  I thought maybe this would teach her a lesson and have to wonder what I heard.

                                        There nothing I can do to stop this. I just have to remind myself that all this is , is a show of how insecure they are as people, niether one of them can validate themselves on their own, they depend on each other, which to me is one of the weakest things Ive ever seen and proves how they each support each other sickness as their stories get spinned and spinned into delusional oblivion. Serving only to comfort themselves so they wont ever have to take responsibility for themselves in any thing they do. Its pathedic.

[funfunctional]

Hi there,

Don't you think most people see thru her and the ones who don't are people that are probably doing the same thing to someone else?   The victim club.

I understand as my sister did this to me on Facebook and always villianizes me to other people. I also find that everyone that she is friends with don't like me nor treat me nice.    I could never understand.  Now I get it.   

Well I am no contact with my sister and am looking forward to a holiday without her nasty attitude in the room.  I am tired of "doing" for her and her expecting more and complaining about me.

So no... .it does bother you... .and venting is required.   Vent away but understand that this is HER and she will spend probably the rest of her life a miserable victim.   Walk away from her drama.