My 13 year old

[Johanna50277]

My 13 year old daughter is being "considered" for BPD. She went from being a star student, all around great kid just 7 months ago to being hospitalized for major depression, anxiety and self harming. I am watching her sleep right now, she said the suicidal thoughts are back. I am so lost. How do I help her? How do I maintain my relationship with my husband. He doesn't seem to understand.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hello Johanna50277,

This seems rather sudden. Were there precusor behaviors, or was this sudden, like 7 months ago?

Turkish

[livednlearned]

Hi Johanna50277,

I'm so sorry your D is going through this. It's the hardest thing I've been through, watching my son disappear into depression and self-loathing. He's a gifted kid and was such a bright light of affection, other kids loved to make him laugh. Now he's 14 and while he's getting better, the depression is right there under the surface. Yesterday he said that if I died, he didn't think he would cry. Not because he doesn't love me, but because he doesn't feel any feelings  :'(

I highly recommend BPD and Adolescence by Blaise Aguirre. The second edition is great. Aguirre has a beef with therapists who aren't willing to diagnose BPD in adolescents, so it's a silver lining that you have a professional who is willing to consider the diagnosis. That means you have a better chance of helping your D while you still have some degree of influence.

My son was in the ballpark for a more serious diagnosis (his father is both bipolar and BPD), and with many of the skills I learned here, S14 is in a much better place.

You'll hear a lot of very depressing things about BPD and recovery. There is a lot of new research and better treatment than there was even 10 years ago. Like everything, it's a matter of advocating for what you know your D needs, mixed with finding people who believe in your D's healthy recovery.

What does your H not understand? Is it that he doesn't understand, or is it that he feels overwhelmed about what's happening?

[lbjnltx]

Hi JoHanna,

I'm so glad you are here with us.

My daughter was diagnosed with emerging BPD at age 12.  Having this information has made all the difference in the world in her improvements.  Just understanding what she was struggling with (intense emotions, fears of abandonment, etc... ) helped me to help her.  I learned the communication skills and coping skills that are affective for her and in taking care of myself so that our relationship could improve and she would allow me to be a source of support for her.

It took my husband a long time to get on board, he left the research to me and often times when I would share my finding with him he would argue against them.  He had a difficult time accepting that his little girl was mentally ill.  The same skills I used to communicate with my daughter... .I used with my husband.  Mostly it worked.  He even agreed to spend the $ for long term inpatient care for our daughter and it was worth every cent.

Is your d home from hospital?  What is the follow up plan for her ongoing treatment and care?

I look forward to walking beside you on the path towards healing.

lbj