putting the pieces of the puzzle together

[dobie]

Putting the pieces of the puzzle together

OK so I had never heard about BPD before my x left

Now I can see what I was dealing with the FOG is clearing more and more

Her constant needs anxieties , depression , reasurrance , inability to decide anything important without triangulating me or her ppd/BPD/alcoholic  father

Her selfishness

Her ruthlessness when she wants something or somebody

The early idealisation

The emotional disconnect and compartmentalzing

The using of partners and friends to fend off the fear of abandoment

The paranoia and distrust

Her losing trust in me or realising I am not a white knight who can make her "happy"  so purposefully trying to disconnect for a year with me my family and finding a support network to stave off her fears of "eventual"  betrayal in her disturbed mind

Her constant aches and pains from her inner neurosis & turmoil

Her blaming me for her unhappiness

Her temper tantrums

Her passive aggression

Her severely dysfunctional FOO

Her need and fear of losing control

Her abusive stonewalling and silent treatment

Her actions never matching her words

Her victim mentality

Her repressed rage

Her minimising of my feelings while always being the poor victim

Her inability to take responsibility for her actions

Her I "love you " if I need you attitude

Her cheating and denying it (not confirmed but more than likely )

Her fear of being happy

Her lack of a sense of humour

Her over sensitivity to criticism

Her criticism and resentment

Her not even having the decency after 6 years and everything she did to reply to an email

Her even after the BU telling my brother she was a "coward" for not leaving sooner no she waited till she had a support network (user)

Her paranoia I would quit my job and leave her to pay the mortgage

Her paranoia I would leave her in the future and strip her off her assets

Her admission she does not know who she is (lack of self)

Her ability to be convinced by me to stay or do pretty much a lot of things (lack of self)

Her inability to see the emotional damage she caused me

Her lack of remorse or introspection for her actions

Her lack of feeling for our dog dying

Her inability to have or maintain any long lasting and nurturing friendships apart from one stormy one .


Her resentment and self centred attitudes about money or anything else

Her hardly ever being there for me once the idealisation stopped

Her lack of deep and real empathy , her fears of being alone

Her mental paranoid accusations when stressed

Her need for everything to be fair but her not applying this to how she treats others

Her fears she is boring (she is ) or people don't like her (they don't )


I long for the day when i am happy again and thank god this woman is out of my life .

[Plonko]

Dobie, that's a great post and I'm sure there are a lot of people on here that can totally relate to it. It pretty much describes my ex perfectly.

As far as longing to be happy, identifying all the points you've made here is a huge step in that direction.

[dobie]

Dobie, that's a great post and I'm sure there are a lot of people on here that can totally relate to it. It pretty much describes my ex perfectly.

As far as longing to be happy, identifying all the points you've made here is a huge step in that direction.

Thanks plonko

I put it up here as a reminder to me as well , I keep hoping or trying to make excuses for her to appeal to what most people have a side of reason and empathy

But like the saying goes "fool me once shame on you , fool me twice shame on me "

Now compared to some xs on this boards she was not the anti - Christ but I need to fully detach no more excuses no more longing , wishing , blaming , ruminating no more occasional emails no more occasional checking her FB I need to burn her out of my psyche she has caused enough pain now its time for me to stop causing myself anymore . The woman I thought she was is a lie a mask she is not what I projected or she mirrored I need to take that and the hurt of knowing I was never loved only needed and move forward to meet healthy happy women and put all the love and energy I gave her into someone e who is worth it . The more I cry about spilt milk the more I stay a victim and the more I stop myself from being happy . the more time I spen making excuses or trying to understand her the more time I lose understanding myself or loving me .

She is whom she is dobie she has shown you her soul and it is damaged .