BPD around you

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

It is kinda interesting how clearly you can identify personality disordered folks around you once you went through an experience with one, once you educated yourself on what exactly you just dealt with. Yesterday I got a weird email from a woman I tried to have a date with a year and a half ago. "Tried" because before we even met once (I met her on a dating web site), she went bat$hit crazy on me with the nastiest insults I have ever heard from a woman. And that was absolutely for no reason whatsoever. After we communicated over the phone and texts, had a pretty good connection, maybe even some romantic sparks, she out of nowhere just went nuts on me. Obviously I said "thanks, but no thanks" and never even met with her. She was absolutely floored and had no idea why I had not desire to put up with that kind of stuff, so she told me I wasn't "man enough to deal with the real woman" I told her "whatever" and walked away. She would randomly contact me every few months, I would bs with her a little but never really had any desire to deal with her and her weird behavior.

Anyway, fast forward a year and a half. Yesterday she emailed me and asked to call her. I did just to see where this was coming from. She proceeded to tell me that she did exactly the same thing to some other guy this past week - before they even met, after constant communication and some sparks, she unleashed a giant pile of verbal abuse on him and he, just like me, walked away. She was wondering what she can do to get him back and to fix it. Then she told me - "I always do this, I run them off if I like them too much before they can hurt me" We talked for a while and listening to her was like listening to somebody who is reading the list of BPD warning signs out of a book. It was almost surreal. I knew something was weird about her after that crazy episode but after I found myself in the situation where I had to learn a whole lot about BPD, I now know EXACTLY what is off with her.

I guess if anything good came out of my experience in dealing with a BPD person is that I was forced to educate myself on what it is and what it looks like. Knowledge is power.

[Invictus01]

It is kinda interesting how clearly you can identify personality disordered folks around you once you went through an experience with one, once you educated yourself on what exactly you just dealt with. Yesterday I got a weird email from a woman I tried to have a date with a year and a half ago. "Tried" because before we even met once (I met her on a dating web site), she went bat$hit crazy on me with the nastiest insults I have ever heard from a woman. And that was absolutely for no reason whatsoever. After we communicated over the phone and texts, had a pretty good connection, maybe even some romantic sparks, she out of nowhere just went nuts on me. Obviously I said "thanks, but no thanks" and never even met with her. She was absolutely floored and had no idea why I had not desire to put up with that kind of stuff, so she told me I wasn't "man enough to deal with the real woman" I told her "whatever" and walked away. She would randomly contact me every few months, I would bs with her a little but never really had any desire to deal with her and her weird behavior.

Anyway, fast forward a year and a half. Yesterday she emailed me and asked to call her. I did just to see where this was coming from. She proceeded to tell me that she did exactly the same thing to some other guy this past week - before they even met, after constant communication and some sparks, she unleashed a giant pile of verbal abuse on him and he, just like me, walked away. She was wondering what she can do to get him back and to fix it. Then she told me - "I always do this, I run them off if I like them too much before they can hurt me" We talked for a while and listening to her was like listening to somebody who is reading the list of BPD warning signs out of a book. It was almost surreal. I knew something was weird about her after that crazy episode but after I found myself in the situation where I had to learn a whole lot about BPD, I now know EXACTLY what is off with her.

I guess if anything good came out of my experience in dealing with a BPD person is that I was forced to educate myself on what it is and what it looks like. Knowledge is power.

[tjay933]

congrat! and a big good on you! you can id them at a glance. that is something you can be very proud of. 

[Invictus01]

One more story on this topic. Run into this cute woman while being out with friends Saturday night. We ended up talking all night long. The topic of jobs came up. She turned out to be a licensed psychologist working in a psychiatric facility. I told her "That's great, I need your number, I might need your professional help." She was like "Why is that?" I told her "I went through a really weird dating experience a few months ago. I strongly believe the girl was mentally off" To which she replied - "Let me guess. Borderline?" I just about fell out of my bar stool when I heard that. And, yes, I did get her number  

[.cup.car]

It is kinda interesting how clearly you can identify personality disordered folks around you once you went through an experience with one, once you educated yourself on what exactly you just dealt with.

Man you have no idea, great topic OP because I have a perfect story to contribute, although I wouldn't say she was BPD - more NPD - but that's not the point.

I was like 19 at the time and had just split with my ex a few months earlier, but I stumbled upon one of those YouTube vlogger girls that I actually enjoyed watching - those chicks that just sort of sit around and rant about their lives. Think someone like Jenna Marbles, but not as big of a following. She was arrogant and self-centered, but it made for an entertaining couple of minutes.

Anyways, she hosted these little Minecraft games on Xbox Live, just her and a few fans, and I guess I became one of the regulars because 1) I wasn't creepy and 2) I happened to be on just as she'd start up the server. She was a totally different person online and really enjoyable to chill out with - a far cry from the personality in her videos where she was often arrogant and self-centered.

Rumors began to circulate that she was extremely promiscuous and two faced in the comments section of her videos. Took heed to these, but then remembered most of her viewers were teenage girls, and that kind of jealousy and rumor spreading is what teen girls do on the internet. In the back of my mind, some of her passing comments about "being in therapy before" or not having many friends (and not understanding why) were some familiar red flags from my ex. Instead of being an online beta orbiter, I just sorta took a step back and watched it all unfold.

At some point she needed some artwork done - lots of YouTube personalities have custom twitter backgrounds, a shirt or two, stuff like that. And I've got a bit of experience in that aspect, so we got in contact a bit more, had her cell number, her skype, whatever. The stuff turned out absolutely fantastic in the end. To this day I'm still really proud of it.

Two things I noticed right off the bat, is that she seemed to live in her own little world. I don't know how else to describe it. And from following her on social media, it's like it was physically impossible for her to not throw herself at other dudes. At the time she was in a relationship with another YouTube personality, and sometimes I'd sign on to Twitter and see her inviting random guys over for "sleepovers" or whatever, then delete the tweet five minutes later. She'd tag along to these huge video game conventions with her boyfriend, and then you'd see her pretty much throwing herself at someone she'd met there on her Twitter feed.

The boyfriend dumped her and she refused to admit they were broken up for almost three months after the relationship ended. A lot of her viewers thought that was really odd. Suddenly, she was dating this new guy, who was obviously a sugar daddy. In the process of introducing this new guy, her timeline of events she gave as to when they met accidentally made her admit she cheated on her previous boyfriend with this sugar daddy. I was just sitting there watching this all go down.

One time on Skype she just went off on some chick she didn't even know for being a slut based on rumors, and I wasn't cool with that considering she was supposedly above starting rumors about other people, so I capped the conversation and sent it around to some people. I guess people finally thought this "exposed" her for what she truly was away from her fake YouTube personality, so a bunch of people came out of the woodwork to share their own experiences with her. Half of them are X-rated, the other half are consistent with both BPD and NPD.

But yeah, it's crazy how you can spot these people from a mile away.

[tjay933]

even funnier when you suddenly start spotting the people you have known for years as BPDs as well. then it all makes sense. 

[Invictus01]

2 years ago I had a female boss that nobody could figure out. Something was really weird about her, nobody could get it. She wasn't good looking. She was extremely dumb. She was a giant b!tch to her reports. She was in her 50s, acting like she was 16 (I told her I was gonna go watch a soccer game where Beckham was playing, she rolled her eyes up to the sky and went "He is, like, so hawt!"... .or that one time when she all sudden showed up in the office with dental braces). Some things she would say were just rather weird (All the sudden, she would start asking me about my dating life in front of all my co-workers like we were some best buds or my co-workers had any interest in it). She would do a picture perfect "idolization--->devalue--->discard" cycle with her reports. One after another we watched her bring in a new person on as the best thing ever and over 6-12 months do the cycle on that person and fire him or her. She would flat out lie to get what she wanted, then make sure somebody was the scapegoat when things weren't done. Yet... .her bosses loved her. She got promoted 3 times within a year to the director level of a Fortune 500 company (mind you, she had absolutely no idea what she was doing, it was comical to watch her embarrass herself time after time). Nobody could understand all of this. I have a feeling now I know what her problem is/was... .

[Hadlee]

even funnier when you suddenly start spotting the people you have known for years as BPDs as well. then it all makes sense. 

Haha yes exactly that ^^^

[Invictus01]

I will regret ever replying to this psycho's phone call request. Need to block this crazy b!tch. She has been blowing up my phone with texts and calls about the "a dreadful feeling of emptiness" after she went to ONE date with that dude after all and it didn't go to well. She called it "a waste of life" after spending 2 weeks talking to the guy and meeting him for one date. This is comical and scary at the same time. A complete nut job. It is like I am watching a fit of a 5 year old... .

[ta777]

I will regret ever replying to this psycho's phone call request. Need to block this crazy b!tch. She has been blowing up my phone with texts and calls about the "a dreadful feeling of emptiness" after she went to ONE date with that dude after all and it didn't go to well. She called it "a waste of life" after spending 2 weeks talking to the guy and meeting him for one date. This is comical and scary at the same time. A complete nut job. It is like I am watching a fit of a 5 year old... .

have you considered telling her that maybe she has a PD? I'm curious if she would accept it as being possible or just flat out deny it.

[Invictus01]

I will regret ever replying to this psycho's phone call request. Need to block this crazy b!tch. She has been blowing up my phone with texts and calls about the "a dreadful feeling of emptiness" after she went to ONE date with that dude after all and it didn't go to well. She called it "a waste of life" after spending 2 weeks talking to the guy and meeting him for one date. This is comical and scary at the same time. A complete nut job. It is like I am watching a fit of a 5 year old... .

have you considered telling her that maybe she has a PD? I'm curious if she would accept it as being possible or just flat out deny it.

I told her about my experience and told her to read up on personality disorders. I hope she sees herself in all that. From everything I have read, calling out a PD person rarely does any good. Even worse, it might make her go into a rage. No, thank you, I don't need this. I have need seen this kinda of crap. My BPD was a waif, so she never raged at me like this. There is absolutely no chance I'd stick around if I saw THIS kind of stuff... .

[EaglesJuju]

It is kinda interesting how clearly you can identify personality disordered folks around you once you went through an experience with one, once you educated yourself on what exactly you just dealt with. I guess if anything good came out of my experience in dealing with a BPD person is that I was forced to educate myself on what it is and what it looks like. Knowledge is power.

I agree with you that having knowledge about BPD is beneficial. Also, I think being in a relationship with a pwBPD gives us the opportunity to become more self-aware and explore why we entered these relationships in the first place. We now have the ability to take the knowledge that we learned about ourselves and BPD and apply it to other people/relationships.  Knowing what we know, have we become more hypersensitive or vigilant of BPD/cluster B characteristics/personality traits?

[Maternus]

even funnier when you suddenly start spotting the people you have known for years as BPDs as well. then it all makes sense. 

I witnessed the "making of" of a pwBPD/NPD. My younger half brother has a lot of BPD and NPD traits. He was the golden child of the family, his father (my stepfather) died when he was 6, he was pampered by his grandmother, spent most of his adult life living at my mothers house, has a large sense of entitlement. He is not able to keep a job for longer than a couple of months, he has a lot of short term relationships, he's a total underachiever but thinks, he's the most grandiose and intelligent member of the family. 

[Invictus01]

It is kinda interesting how clearly you can identify personality disordered folks around you once you went through an experience with one, once you educated yourself on what exactly you just dealt with. I guess if anything good came out of my experience in dealing with a BPD person is that I was forced to educate myself on what it is and what it looks like. Knowledge is power.

I agree with you that having knowledge about BPD is beneficial. Also, I think being in a relationship with a pwBPD gives us the opportunity to become more self-aware and explore why we entered these relationships in the first place. We now have the ability to take the knowledge that we learned about ourselves and BPD and apply it to other people/relationships.  Knowing what we know, have we become more hypersensitive or vigilant of BPD/cluster B characteristics/personality traits?

The reason I entered this relationship was because... .um... .I thought I met my fairy tale Hollywood romantic comedy princess. I went out of town to a wedding and met her between the wedding and the reception. I never met her before. The next day we had a 10 hour date with just an insane levels of chemistry. We hung out all day long, she met all my best friends, skipped out of her family dinner to come back and hang out more. Anything short of that and I wouldn't even consider doing a long distance with a 25 year old woman. For 6 months I didn't have an argument, a fight or a disagreement with her. She felt like "the one", "the soul mate", like this is it for me. Then she dropped me like I never existed and that was the end of it. I never tried to chase her, I never tried to beg or anything like that. I knew from the past experience that there was no point in it. Granted, I think I was certifiably nuts for about a month once it ended (crazy making) because my brain was just out of its element trying to reconcile all this, but I never went back. But I never dealt with anything like this before. Sure there were warning signs all over the place (which I can clearly see now that I read up so much on this stuff, I could write a PhD work on it) but if you don't know what you are looking at... .how would you know?

[EaglesJuju]

Sure there were warning signs all over the place (which I can clearly see now that I read up so much on this stuff, I could write a PhD work on it) but if you don't know what you are looking at... .how would you know?

There were I ignored. I instinctually knew that some of my bf's behavior was not normative, but I ignored it because of my lack of boundaries and codependent issues. 

[apollotech]

Invictus01,

Good job man of protecting yourself! As you have stated, being able to recognize a person with a personality disorder after going through a relationship with a pwBPD is a positive to walk away with. I know that I will never ignore red flags again... .not even if it's Mother Theresa sitting across from my... .I am out of there.

On the other hand, you seem to be passing up a lot of instant "soul mate" opportunities! Stay strong my friend!

[Figuring it out]

I feel the same way! I've become much more aware of mental illness around me and with the girls that I've dated in the past that were "Crazy!" I've examined the things that happened and realized that they may have been Borderline. I see quite a few borderline characteristics with my little brother and mother. Luckily, I developed and left for college before my parent's marriage went sour. It's like when I started driving and after a few years got my own car, a Volkswagen. I never really saw then around until I got one and realized they were everywhere!

[Maternus]

I never really saw then around until I got one and realized they were everywhere!

My cousin was diagnosed with BPD some years ago. He's the only one with a diagnosis in my family, but I don't think he's the only one with a PD. His mantra is "Crazy people attract each other". When you had a relationship with a person with a PD, there's a high probability that someone in your FOO (or even yourself) has a PD. When I look at my past, I see a lot of situations where I acted like a cluster-b-personality.  When I learned more about BPD and NPD after the breakup with uBPD/NPDexgf, I often questioned myself, if it's not me, who is the disordered person. I know, I have issues. I was so anxious about it, that I talked with friends, family members and my non-ex-wife about it. I don't trust myself, but if I can trust them, I'm not a cluster-b. My ex-wife said "You have issues with your sense of self, but you don't hide your real self behind a façade. Your insecurity is visible and that's your problem." 

[Bumpsintheroad]

Invictus,

Respectfully,

YOU'RE FULL OF BULL$HIT!  Either come down from your high horse or take a holiday from vitamin I. 

[Bumpsintheroad]

Invictus...

I can't believe how brave and powerful you have been in this terrible ordeal!

[JohnLove]

This is comical and scary at the same time. A complete nut job. It is like I am watching a fit of a 5 year old... .

That is probably because you ARE watching a fit of a 5 year old!... .or at least a person who is stuck at the emotional level of a 5 year old... .

... .are you sure it's 5 years old?... .or are you giving her too much credit?

[Maternus]

@Bumpsintheroad:

[Invictus01]

Invictus,

Respectfully,

YOU'RE FULL OF BULL$HIT!  Either come down from your high horse or take a holiday from vitamin I. 

Nope, I will not come down from my "high horse". I EARNED THAT SPOT. I OWN THAT D@MN HORSE! I fought off a depression (although probably still fighting it off), I fought off suicidal thoughts, I fought off just complete bat$hit craziness my brain was throwing at me the first 6-8 weeks while I was coming off the drug called "BPD relationship". I educated myself on what I dealt with to the point that I could probably could write a PhD work on it. I am never going back to her or getting involved with ANYBODY again, relationships or friendships, that even remotely resemble a Cluster B disorder. I OWN THAT DA@MN HORSE!

[Recooperating]

Invictus,

Respectfully,

YOU'RE FULL OF BULL$HIT!  Either come down from your high horse or take a holiday from vitamin I. 

Nope, I will not come down from my "high horse". I EARNED THAT SPOT. I OWN THAT D@MN HORSE! I fought off a depression (although probably still fighting it off), I fought off suicidal thoughts, I fought off just complete bat$hit craziness my brain was throwing at me the first 6-8 weeks while I was coming off the drug called "BPD relationship". I educated myself on what I dealt with to the point that I could probably could write a PhD work on it. I am never going back to her or getting involved with ANYBODY again, relationships or friendships, that even remotely resemble a Cluster B disorder. I OWN THAT DA@MN HORSE!