Feeling reluctant to follow through with ending it now

[Depression = 72% of members]

It's a sudden change.  Well, as in the last few days it's come on.

Nothing's really changed reality wise.  She is who she is, and I am who I am.  Things won't be different.

The problem is I still love her and her kids.  The time is getting close to move out and being in the same house everyday still, it's not easy.

And to top it off I just plain don't want to end things.  I know I need to, but I don't want to.  Heart and head are not on the same page.

[Waddams]

It's a sudden change.  Well, as in the last few days it's come on.

Nothing's really changed reality wise.  She is who she is, and I am who I am.  Things won't be different.

The problem is I still love her and her kids.  The time is getting close to move out and being in the same house everyday still, it's not easy.

And to top it off I just plain don't want to end things.  I know I need to, but I don't want to.  Heart and head are not on the same page.

[Luckyfella]

I feel and relate to what you are going through. I moved out back in November 2014 after she canceled our wedding a week prior and it is the best thing I ever done in my life... I use to think that she held the key to my happiness. I will assure you that you are better off moving out. I am in so much peace now and no more dealing with rages in my life. She was and is trying to make me move back with her... .And guess what? Not in a million years! 

[Waddams]

My issue is I know I'll be better off getting away.  I know this relationship isn't working, and it's not going to.  I know she isn't going to make me happy.

Like I said, heart and head are not on the same page right now.

[LimboFL]

It is the hardest thing I have had to do. I spent 20 years with my ex wife and, while it was no picnic, it wasn't as hard as leaving my exBPDgf of 4 years. The guilt, the love... .but she crossed boundaries that I simply couldn't accept. Everyone has different thresholds, mine were pretty lax, except for lies and finding a replacement before ending the relationship. Sorry, you don't get to explore what is out there to see if I am worth it or hold me in place, just in case.

You are in the FOG, that we have all been in. I still love my ex deeply. I have said it countless times, if I could have just somehow purged the disorder... .

In my ex's case, she had two beautiful dogs that I had to say goodbye to, after four years of caring for them, almost exclusively. If you are not an animal lover you won't understand. Keep in mind that I am also a Father. There isn't a great deal of difference. Point being that I had to think of me, no matter how much I thought about them.

Here is the problem, if she hasn't broken your very last boundary, she will. That is the heartbreak in all of this. If you have decided to leave, then it is because you feel the need to do so and no matter how much your heart says one thing and your mind another, you need to trust your mind and instincts. At the very least, take an extended break, collect yourself and with a clearer head, decide what you want. You can even explain it this way to your partner, that you just need some space to gather your thoughts.

I still love my ex deeply and just today, I had another brief breakdown, after feeling like I was out of that. It is such a mind screw that sometimes you just need some time to reflect and gather your thoughts. I can never forgive my ex for what she did and out of the FOG, I see all kinds of things that I knew happened that I shouldn't have accepted but did. Put it all together and no matter how much I love her, any relationship with her would end up with me going down in flames. So I am no contact and will stay that way.

Again, it is the hardest thing you will have to do. You are walking away from her but also her kids, who undoubtedly care deeply for you. Stay strong and stay on the boards, for support. We will help you get through it.

[Tibbles]

Some times it takes the heart a little longer to figure out what the head already knows. That is what it was like for me too. The heart does eventually catch up to the head and it is easier when that happens. Things will be better when you are not living with her. Loving and caring for her kids too - that's hard to walk away from on top of the whole BPD thing.  But as you said it is not going to change. If you stay it will only get worse, the illness will take you down too. Stay strong x