Well... Nothing to see here

[Deeno02]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

[jhkbuzz]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

It's okay that it bothers you; it's a signal that there's something behind that emotion you need to explore and name. Are you seeing a T?

[Deeno02]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

It's okay that it bothers you; it's a signal that there's something behind that emotion you need to explore and name. Are you seeing a T?

I am. I have issues being adressed like self esteem, abandonment and abuse from my childhood that she tore the scabs off of, leaving totally crushed and really not wanting to go on. I'm beyond that now, but that shame is hard to get rid of. I know I didn't drive the crazy train off the tracks, but I'm just overwhelmed by shame and guilt. She did a number on me, and I allowed it

[jhkbuzz]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

It's okay that it bothers you; it's a signal that there's something behind that emotion you need to explore and name. Are you seeing a T?

I am. I have issues being adressed like self esteem, abandonment and abuse from my childhood that she tore the scabs off of, leaving totally crushed and really not wanting to go on. I'm beyond that now, but that shame is hard to get rid of. I know I didn't drive the crazy train off the tracks, but I'm just overwhelmed by shame and guilt. She did a number on me, and I allowed it

There are THOUGHTS behind those feelings of shame - and they don't come from your ex; they come from within you.  Speaking them aloud and dismantling them (because they are lies that you tell yourself about yourself) are important steps in your healing.

[Deeno02]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

It's okay that it bothers you; it's a signal that there's something behind that emotion you need to explore and name. Are you seeing a T?

I am. I have issues being adressed like self esteem, abandonment and abuse from my childhood that she tore the scabs off of, leaving totally crushed and really not wanting to go on. I'm beyond that now, but that shame is hard to get rid of. I know I didn't drive the crazy train off the tracks, but I'm just overwhelmed by shame and guilt. She did a number on me, and I allowed it

There are THOUGHTS behind those feelings of shame - and they don't come from your ex; they come from within you.  Speaking them aloud and dismantling them (because they are lies that you tell yourself about yourself) are important steps in your healing.

Agree. Her part in it is bringing them to the surface by her verbal, emotional and mental abuse. Guess I should thank her...

[jhkbuzz]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

It's okay that it bothers you; it's a signal that there's something behind that emotion you need to explore and name. Are you seeing a T?

I am. I have issues being adressed like self esteem, abandonment and abuse from my childhood that she tore the scabs off of, leaving totally crushed and really not wanting to go on. I'm beyond that now, but that shame is hard to get rid of. I know I didn't drive the crazy train off the tracks, but I'm just overwhelmed by shame and guilt. She did a number on me, and I allowed it

There are THOUGHTS behind those feelings of shame - and they don't come from your ex; they come from within you.  Speaking them aloud and dismantling them (because they are lies that you tell yourself about yourself) are important steps in your healing.

Agree. Her part in it is bringing them to the surface by her verbal, emotional and mental abuse. Guess I should thank her...

In some ways, yes.  But not in person

[Deeno02]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

It's okay that it bothers you; it's a signal that there's something behind that emotion you need to explore and name. Are you seeing a T?

I am. I have issues being adressed like self esteem, abandonment and abuse from my childhood that she tore the scabs off of, leaving totally crushed and really not wanting to go on. I'm beyond that now, but that shame is hard to get rid of. I know I didn't drive the crazy train off the tracks, but I'm just overwhelmed by shame and guilt. She did a number on me, and I allowed it

There are THOUGHTS behind those feelings of shame - and they don't come from your ex; they come from within you.  Speaking them aloud and dismantling them (because they are lies that you tell yourself about yourself) are important steps in your healing.

Agree. Her part in it is bringing them to the surface by her verbal, emotional and mental abuse. Guess I should thank her...

In some ways, yes.  But not in person

Oh hell no... .

[antelope]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

I know you've been talking about this volleyball game run-in for a while now... .well, it happened, and of course, nothing happened, so cheers to you 

out of curiosity, did you take a 'good' look at her?  what did you feel (aside from the shame which is more personally directed towards yourself)?  any anger or disgust?  a feeling of 'who the heck is that person?  did you miss her?  etc

[Deeno02]

Went to our first Volleyball game. Walked in and there she was. Talking to another parent. Sudden shame came over me as they looked at me. I kept walking, gave my son his drink and went and sat down. Game started and I noticed her looking at me a few times but i went about my business of watching a good game. One thing that bothered me was her lack of passion. Last year she was up and down the sidelines, coaching like no ones business, firing up the boys. This time? Lack luster, sitting down most of the game, texting a few times and overall, non motivated. I was puzzled by it. Not like her at all. Boys lost. Overall, not real affected by it as this was the second time in almost 8 months I had seen her and the only time we spent any length of time in the same room. Just the shame feeling bothered me. Still does.

I know you've been talking about this volleyball game run-in for a while now... .well, it happened, and of course, nothing happened, so cheers to you 

out of curiosity, did you take a 'good' look at her?  what did you feel (aside from the shame which is more personally directed towards yourself)?  any anger or disgust?  a feeling of 'who the heck is that person?  did you miss her?  etc

Yeah, I kind of did. She looked pretty as usual and I was feeling a little nostalgic, but then that old saying came in, "beauty is only skin deep". Shes pretty, with an ugly soul.

[Lucky Jim]

Like what you guys are saying!    

I experienced similar feelings of shame, Deeno, when I attended my son's Little League games when my Ex was there.  I got a weird vibe that people were looking at me funny, so just tried to ignore it and attributed the feeling to paranoia on my part.  Yet later I learned from a female friend that my Ex had painted me black to all the parents who would listen, which I definitely noticed.  So what?  Their problem if they accepted what my Ex said about me at face value.

LuckyJim

[Deeno02]

Like what you guys are saying!    

I experienced similar feelings of shame, Deeno, when I attended my son's Little League games when my Ex was there.  I got a weird vibe that people were looking at me funny, so just tried to ignore it and attributed the feeling to paranoia on my part.  Yet later I learned from a female friend that my Ex had painted me black to all the parents who would listen, which I definitely noticed.  So what?  Their problem if they accepted what my Ex said about me at face value.

LuckyJim

Yep. Kind of felt that too. Im not sure I even care, but it was just a weird feeling and poof shame. Especially as they both turned and looked at me as I walked in. Im making a mountain out of a mole hill, but it just felt weird and I was ashamed. I talked with the parent she was talking to and told her that I wasnt seeing her anymore. The parent said "I assumed that you weren't". I didn't say anything else about it, just talked about VB, but found that odd as well, since I have not seen that parent since last season.