newbie here

[basketball]

Hi folks,  The story is very convoluted and I have a lot of responsibility for creating the dance we are in. After a decade  of this dance I often feel bad about our relationship and the apparent lack of love we demonstrate to each other. I am just holding on. Learning whatever I can about OCPD. So I can stop any of it in myself and to not react to it in my partner. How could the same thing be happening to me over and over. It does puzzle me at times, Ah yes it does remind me of life in my family of origin. I know God can change things ,He can and has changed me and I know He forgives me when I mess up. Now I live each day as it comes and pray a lot so I will not  make it worse.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi basketball, 

Welcome aboard. 

I am sorry that you are going through this. It is really tough to cope with disordered behaviors from someone you love. 

I understand how you could feel responsible for the creating the dance. It is hard to depersonalize the personality disorder and not react to your partner's behavior.  What types of behaviors are you having a hard time coping with?

Sometimes when we are coping with a personality disorder, it is hard for us to think of our partners' behavior as illogical and irrational. Completely accepting a personality disorder is hard. It has been very hard for me to accept all of my bf's behaviors as BPD.  I tended to do the same thing over and over again. Similar to you, much of my experience with my bf is reminiscent of life with my family of origin (FOO). 

There are things we can do to improve our relationship with a disordered person. We cannot change our partner's thoughts or behaviors, but we can change our own. When we change our own behavior in a positive manner, we not only improve ourselves but our relationship. 

Perhaps you can share more of your story so we can help you?

Looking forward to reading your response.