"Support" versus "Alone"

[Hope0807]

My T was kind enough to remind me of all those who do have spouses, children, siblings and parents…and feel extraordinarily "alone" too.  I'm dying to really and truly feel less alone. 

My work environment is knee deep in showers, babies and husband talk.  I like dogs but couldn't even stand that much talk about animals.  I'm not bitter about lack of kids or married life, but I know that's how it would come off so I don't say anything.  It's just too much…there's much more going on in the world. 

There's not a single commercial or article that doesn't scream how important a "Support Network" is.  Well, I don't have one.  My friends are wonderful, but consumed with their lives and families.  I'm reaching out and meeting up, but the looming sense of "alone"…like if I get sick or need help is AWFUL.  There's tons of resources for children and seniors without families, but nothing for the average great person who is totally without family. 

Tell me I'm not alone on this one?

[fromheeltoheal]

You're not alone, I'm in the same boat Hope.  So you have us anyway.  I'm OK with it most of the time, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely, I am dating lightly, and thankfully I don't see a relationship as the solution to loneliness; I'd rather be alone than be in another bad relationship, so that's keeping the speed slow on any romantic involvement, which is what I need right now.

So anyway, how can we use this?  Friends are a good source of new friends, and yes, most of mine are busy with families, but some aren't, and I was just reading how the percentage of single people living alone is the highest it's ever been in this country, the key is just meeting some of them.  And we're motivated.  Having someone we already know introduce us to someone new comes with 'social proof', easier in that sense, but not necessary.  How many people do you plan to meet this week?  I'm committing to 3.

[Mutt]

My T was kind enough to remind me of all those who do have spouses, children, siblings and parents…and feel extraordinarily "alone" too.  I'm dying to really and truly feel less alone.  

I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. ~ Robin Williams

I'm sorry to hear that  

I think your T is right. I felt more alone in the r/s than after and there were times where I struggled post break-up. I have to agree with fromheeltoheal there's a difference between being lonely and being alone. Most of my friends have young families and are busy, I'm networking and trying to make new friends.

I find I'm comfortable with myself and would rather be a bachelor than the chaos I was in with my ex or in a relationship where I feel vulnerable and could potentially be a bad one.

Do you get triggered? If so what do you do?

[Hope0807]

I keep trying to insert the partial quotes and I can't figure it out.  Ugh.

Anyway, thank you!  I'm up way past my bed time, eager to get some relief with supportive posts.

FHTT,

Thanks much.  Yes, lonely is an emotion, alone is a fact.  I'm both.  Feeling lonely, no matter who I'm around or how often…and definitely ALONE.  The family that exists is useless, toxic, or both.  I feel I meet people regularly.  I just can't escape whatever is keeping me in this perpetual feeling of sinking.

Mutt,

Love Robin Williams and really appreciate that quote.  I will remember it, as I think of him often... .the void he left…and the awareness he brought to depression.  My greatest hope is to share in that comfort you have in being alone.  Triggers…1-the CONSTANT baby/shower/marriage chatter/celebrations, 2-bedside visits with my mother who is kind and pleasant in a way I haven't seen my entire life  3-The book "Going Solo" by Eric Klineberg whose subtitle "The Extraordinary Rise and Supporting Appeal of Living Alone" I am struggling to finish.  My hope was that it would offer a positive/upbeat perspective, but I'm at the point where he's chronicling how awful it is when health, age or both is a concern and how devastatingly sad it can be to not have anyone.  How even the most well-intentioned family members or friends can't really tend to you if you're too sick or too much in need…and they have to go back to their lives and you're right back where you started…alone.  Definitely not a good read before bed.  I'm hoping the book moves to and ends on a higher note. 

So yeah Mutt, gotta get past these triggers.  Ughh!  At least maybe I'll be too exhausted tomorrow to cry.

[Mutt]

Hi Hope0807,

Here's a link that'll help with partial quotes

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56733.0

I love Robin Williams, his work and the awareness he brought with depression.

I think you said you're being treated for depression in another thread?

It's frustrating when we're going through a break-up and feeling down; seeing the activity around us   I'm sorry your going through this.

You're mom may be concerned

When you are depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will "bug" you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice ("snap out of it" is most common), and trying to be by your side. Children will become shadows when their mother is depressed, almost protecting Mom. Be prepared for this.

Here's a good article on depression Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

[Hope0807]

Good stuff Mutt, thanks.

Yeah, I finally got a script.  I was so psyched I made it this far post fallout without meds, but I think the visits to my dying mom's bedside is just keeping me from fully surfacing.  I'm trying like hell.  My doc promises to monitor me and I'm promising myself to get to the gym more.  The point about my mom was interesting.  Yes, she is always concerned.  She's far gone enough these days that she can't really verbalize it the way I know she would have years ago.  I can see it in her eyes though, like behind them, I know she's worried about me…afraid for me, and powerless to do anything for me.  I cannot imagine her discomfort.  I'm balling my eyes out just writing this.  She's spent her life in a perpetual state of worry.  I spent my entire life assuring her I was safe and she really need not worry so much.  I was her therapist, her security blanket, her world.  It was stifling to say the least.  The fallout with my exPDh last year and all the research gave me the label I've been searching for my entire life for my mom.  My mom is BPD with lots of overlap into paranoid.  My whole world history is crystal clear at 40 years old and I couldn't possibly feel more lost.

This sucks.  I'm clawing my way back.  Say a prayer for me:)

Hi Hope0807,

Here's a link that'll help with partial quotes

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56733.0

I love Robin Williams, his work and the awareness he brought with depression.

I think you said you're being treated for depression in another thread?

It's frustrating when we're we're going through a break-up and feeling down; seeing the activity around us   It's tough

You're mom may be concerned

When you are depressed, those who love you will become a pain-in-the-butt. They will "bug" you constantly, trying to cheer you up, giving you advice ("snap out of it" is most common), and trying to be by your side. Children will become shadows when their mother is depressed, almost protecting Mom. Be prepared for this.

Here's a good article on depression Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

[Mutt]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom

You're going through a lot right now.

I'm 41 and it took decades to find the truth. My father is NPD.

I'm happy to hear you got a script. I struggled with depression and anxiety on and off and took scripts. You should start feeling better soon.

I read this and found it helped during the break-up and depression. I hope it helps.

Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

Chapter 22

To be bent is to become straight.

To be empty is to be full.

To be worn out is to be renewed.

We're here for you