When A Hermit Visits The Doctor

[Turkish]

This is a good case against easy access to health care.

D3 has had recurring earaches. Took her this morning and it turns out that it isn't an infection, but liquid build-up in the middle ear. Poor baby. I had the kids last night, but their mom was more than welcome to show up. We get along well now. She's marrying her affair partner within the month. She's on cloud 9.

She asked the doc if D3 falling and hitting her head last month contributed to her ear problems. I was sitting behind her mom, looking at the doc. The doc is a very nice lady, and sometimes I sense she's talking more to me than the kids' mom. The doc said no, one thing didn't have anything to do with the other. Then she started asking the doc about our son and irritation around his anus. The doc said that it was normal for kids his age (5), and just to encourage him to wipe better. If there were a problem, put some Vaseline there. She then said that she noticed that when she fed him peanut butter that it got irritated, like he was allergic to it. She said she was trying to track it, but wasn't so sure. Then she asked the doc if she thought S5 needed an appointment for that. The doc assured her he did not.

S5 said this to me the other week when he asked for a peanut butter sandwich after D3 had one. He said, "Mommy says I'm allergic to peanut butter." I told him that he wasn't ("I'm not going to validate the invalid), and handed him the sandwich. He was fine.

I don't do a detailed inspection of him after baths, but I kind of wonder, since I don't notice this irritation problem that their mom talks about.

[bravhart1]

Don't know if it's a hermit or what kind of BPD behavior but the BPDm in our lives has very similar behaviour to this.

She will tell dr that when SD6 has bowel movements that they are bloody and hard. She with us six days a week, so how does she know this?

She then says that we feed her a TON of sugar. We don't do sugar here but she does, it's documented by CE. After dr appt, SD6 now says that she is lactose intolerant and that the dr said she can not have milk. (More like mom said because we called the dr and he said all he told her was that when SD6 has the sniffles, which is why she took her, that milk can make it thicker.)

They fabricate stuff that makes no sense. I just wish she would stop telling SD6, she is making her neurotic.

[rarsweet]

Turkish when she fell and hit her head was she with you or the ex? I may be just paranoid but, when I hear of them making something up like with your s, I jump to she is setting up a situation, an accusation.  Do your kids go to school or daycare? Where someone else sees that they are fine? Was it hard to sit at the drs and just not roll your eyes?

[Turkish]

Turkish when she fell and hit her head was she with you or the ex? I may be just paranoid but, when I hear of them making something up like with your s, I jump to she is setting up a situation, an accusation.  :)o your kids go to school or daycare? Where someone else sees that they are fine? Was it hard to sit at the drs and just not roll your eyes?

She was with her mom. They were visiting relatives. The story was believable because D2 is adventurous and climbs. We've been open about sharing these things since last summer and uBPDx waited 4 hours to call me when D2 fell and broke her collarbone. I started throwing back what I endured, "what's this gash or scratch?" I only caught her in a lie of ommision once when S5 told me her bf accidentally rammed a toy car into his sister's face and it left a nasty mark.

About 2 months ago, their mom asked me to wipe our son's backside due to the redness (something I've rarely noticed... .). I told her I wasn't going to do that. The other day, he had to poop as we were about to leave grandma's (Ex's mom, who babysits the kids while we work). He kept calling for her. I went to the bathroom, gave him some to and said,."son, you're 5 years old. You're a big boy. You can do this yourself." He started protesting until I said,."you're going to do this yourself. Grandma's not coming." And he did.

The dominant emotional state of The Hermit is fear. My Ex gets a lot of her anxieties from her mom (and she knows this!), but it's tough to break out of decades of conditioning. Raising babies... . sucked. I wasn't even allowed to bathe them until they were past 6 months old. The only real act of DV that I witnessed was when I let S5, then about 7 or 8 months old, fall asleep on my shoulder as his mom was cooking dinner. I thought,."oh, no... ." I went into the kitchen to confess my sin, and as I walked out, she slammed the fridge door so hard that the door contents fell out and made a huge mess on the floor. Like a chump, I put the baby in his crib and got on my knees to clean up the mess and broken glass while she sat at the table angrily eating. The trigger was a break in the script, and if our son didn't get a bath, he'd get sick or something  

My BPD hermit mom didn't project many of her fears on me, thankfully. Then again, I'm adopted, and one can't discount the genetic component which can contribute to BPD. Nor freewill