Just when I thought I was doing good...

[Headspinnah]

Well my uexBPDgf is a gem! Short leadup were in a live in 2.5yr relationship full of the normal BPD run of the mill behavior but I became a master of justifying it to myself and to others. Anyway final straw was goes out with the male neighbor for a couple of beers without telling me and the. When I come home she doesn't respond to text sends two vague texts and the. Rolls in around 130am. I flip of course bc of all the past issues with cheating and quickly turns it into I'm leaving you don't trust me. All the meanwhile I become suspicious Of this neighbor who she said she had made friends with... .She moved out almost immediately (getting her all her stuff out completely seperate crisis)


Well I stuck to my guns and didn't go back or plead with her and instituted no contact. For about 40 days. Now paranoid of the neighbor thing when I return home I always scanned the neighborhood for her car after my seeing it for a month I was content till last Sunday coming home off an overnight I spot it on a side street near mine. And of course like a dummy text her what the heck are you doing, I knew it , your an awful

Person blah blah. Which she ignores and the cares is gone by the afternoon

Fast forward to yesterday she finally answers me with "sorry you feel that way, it was not my intention to hurt you". Are you kidding me? So naturally I pipe back with your seeing the neighbor. To which she denies then I say oh so your have "relations" with the neighbor to which she denies and says I'm making assumptions and trying to control

Her life. And then throws in "I'm not with anyone if it's any of your business"

Then of course quickly segways this all to I need to arrange something to let her see her cat. I have the cat. Bc what can I do with it/I like it.

Another tidbit I got via a 3rd party is that all of our pictures together are on her FB and she recently added then took down some in a relationship stuff. I wouldn't know any of this since I've sworn off FB and further don't want to see it.


Can anyone make sense of any of this? Should I be afraid? Bc clearly she's not in her right mind? Anyone have any similar stories. I obviously know I should resume NC but if she starts or should I say is open with the neighbor thing then what? I have no clue what to think other then Anxiety over what's she's capable of doing.

[Mike-X]

Welcome to the boards. I am glad that you found them, but I am sorry to hear about your relationship.

Have you had a chance to read through the lessons to the right? You might find that revisiting them (particularly the Lesson 3: Tools) is helpful as you go through the process of detaching.

Can you elaborate on what you are afraid of? Of course, there are cases of smear campaigns and worse following breakups, but I didn't find anything in your story that suggested that she did anything threatening toward you. I am sorry if I missed it.

[Headspinnah]

I guess general anexiety is my problem here because if you can distort reality as much as she has then you can justify literally anything. to me that makes for a dangerous person.

[Mike-X]

I guess general anexiety is my problem here because if you can distort reality as much as she has then you can justify literally anything. to me that makes for a dangerous person.

Thank you for the reply. I see. General anxiety is common and understandable, especially given the verbal abuse that you experienced. Unfortunately, there is not any way of knowing whether you really have anything to fear from your ex. What do you know about her past breakups? Did any of them lead to legal issues?

NC is a often challenging to maintain for a variety of reasons. Of course, there is no reason to be too upset with yourself for slips. It sounds like you slipped because you saw her car on the side street and were upset because it confirmed your suspicion about her interest in the neighbor, but you have recommitted to NC. Remember, NC is for you to detach from the relationship, so slipping can affect your detaching and healing.

Please feel free to use the boards to share your feelings, thoughts, plans, etc. if you feel that urge to break NC again. The members on the boards are here to support you.

Have you considered an explicit separation plan, including general if-then contingencies (e.g., if I receive a text, then I will first... .)? There are things to consider in the following link, and toward the bottom there is a side panel specifically dedicated to NC.

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a110.htm