Broke NC

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hell, I broke no contact. Called her, she picked up. I said hi, she said hi, who is this? I said Heldfast. She said I can't talk to you right now. I said ok, I'll talk to you later.Part of me just wanted to talk to her. A little bit of me is just like ___ you, here I am, don't try to compartmentalize me into non existence

[Heldfast]

Hell, I broke no contact. Called her, she picked up. I said hi, she said hi, who is this? I said Heldfast. She said I can't talk to you right now. I said ok, I'll talk to you later.Part of me just wanted to talk to her. A little bit of me is just like ___ you, here I am, don't try to compartmentalize me into non existence

[cosmonaut]

Try not to be hard on yourself, heldfast.  Every one of us has wanted to reach out to our ex at some point.  It's natural to want some sort of resolution or closure.  You're in good company here.

It really hurts that our exes are shutting down their feelings about us, doesn't it?  I believe they are still in there somewhere, just walled off and locked up tight.

[Mister Brightside]

Hi heldfast. How long ago did you two break up, what's the longest no contact you've had since the breakup, and how long was this most recent no contact? What are your plans now?

[downwhim]

Heldfast,

What I have come to realize in the past few days is this (of course this is my interpretation):

1. N/C is for us nons to protect us and keep us from pain

2.  N/C is very hard for us to do in these addictive r/s's

3.  N/C keeps our anxiety level up (many check their fb. email, junk mail, phone, friends etc... .) to see if any contact might arise or has been

4. Breaking N/C whether you get closure or not sort of feels like popping a balloon. It relieves a little pressure.

Just my opinion 6 1/2 months N/C with two slipups... .I am proud of myself but the voicemail he left and my voicemail back to him yesterday actually relieved tension. Nothing resolved at all... .

[Heldfast]

We were together 2 1/2 years, engaged, she left and immediately moved on, moving across country to her ex from high school. Apart since December 22. She has avoided me since, true NC for about a month.

[cosmonaut]

How are you feeling about the contact right now, Heldfast?

[confusedwoman]

Hi there, heldfast. Try not to beat yourself up. I've been there too; I think a lot of us have 

I agree with downwhim when she says that breaking nc can be relieving sometimes. Imposing the limitation on ourselves (ie, I will not contact him/her or respond no matter WHAT) I think has the potential to make doing so almost a little more tempting. It's anxiety inducing to have that expectation of ourselves, but also understandable why we sometimes choose this as a way to move on. I think what's most important is that if/when you interact with your ex pwBPD, that you feel okay about yourself afterward. Sometimes reaching out can take some of the anxiety away.

[Heldfast]

How do I feel right now? Confused about my motivation or what I thought the outcome would be. Angry at her for abandoning me, our dogs, all our friends, many of whom got engaged around same time we did and now are starting to marry, a strong desire to cause pain to my replacement, knowing that even if she came back it would never be the same. Her best friend, for whom she was to be maid of honor won't even speak to her anymore and sent no word to her on her birthday, says she considers our friend dead and will never speak to her again. She doesn't need manipulative, lying, cheating whores in her life. Her family is sad for me, hates the replacement. I think the replacement is a damaged reason as well. I'm angry at her, but wish I could somehow show her how wrong she was.

[cosmonaut]

It sounds like you have a lot of hurt and a lot of anger, and you have plenty of reasons for both.  It hurts beyond belief to have someone we love abandon us like this, doesn't it?  Maybe you needed to reach out to your ex to see where things stood.  I think that's pretty common around here.  The situation is so crazy, that we need to recalibrate just what's going on.  I have often felt the same way.  This is a very difficult experience for anyone.

What do you think your motivations might be?  Do you want her back?  Want to know how she's doing?  What's up with the replacement?  All of the above?

[downwhim]

Heldfast,

My heart breaks for you. So unfair and unkind. There really is nothing anyone can say to take away the anger and pain you are feeling. You just have to feel it and work through it. Sounds easy and it is not.

What she put you through is painful, embarrassing and cruel. When you think you found the person to love and be with the rest of your life and they split on you, it is like you have been blindsided. Your world is off balance and you work each day trying to just get through each day.

We hope they will feel the pain, have some remorse and come to their senses. Mine did not. He just walked away like it was another day... .hum, time to move on now that I have her where I want her. She hurt me and I will not discuss it with her I will just get rid of her... .

Sometimes life is just so unfair and these exBPD's control the outcome. You will live and move on in time. So, consider the source and the illness and be strong... .my son said those same words when I got my b/u letter, "mom, be strong." I wrote it on my chock board in my kitchen and read it every day. Heldfast, be strong. We are all there for you.  Write, heal, grow and good will come of it.