What to do

[Lennox58]

This is my first post and Im hoping to hear that it can get better. I have a beautiful 25 year old daughter that recently has been diagnosed with depression and possible BPD. It's difficult to see and hear her "hate the world and everyone in it" on a daily basis. What do you do to stay healthy and still keep your loved one safe from the downs of the disorder that you can't ignore?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi Lennox58,

Welcome to the Parents Board, we are glad you are here and looking for answers on how to cope with your daughter's disorders.  I'm sorry she is so distraught and hating the world.  That's the thing about BPD... .the black and white/all or nothing thinking that our kids engage in.  One bad thing happens and the whole world and everyone in it stinks. 

I learned that my daughter is stating how she feels when she would say these types of things and if I could let her know that I understand how she feels she was better able to bring herself down to a more reasonable mindset.  I would do this by validating her feelings and then just listening to what would come next.  Once she was able to state what caused her to feel bad I could ask her some validating questions and she felt less emotional and often would problem solve on her own.

We have much information on validation; how and why it is important and how to do it.  We will be happy to support you as you learn about it and begin to put  it into practice. 

Here are a few links to help you get started:  COMMUNICATION-Validation tools and techniques

The Power of Asking Validating Questions

There is a lot to learn that can help you cope with your daughter and improve your understanding of her disorder.  This learning and improved coping will have a positive affect on you, her and  your relationship with her.

We are here to help! 

lbjnltx

[livednlearned]

Hi Lennox58,

Welcome to the parenting board, and glad you reached out. It really is hard when our kids are depressed or struggle with any kind of mental illness. Does your daughter have self-loathing as well as hating the world? It's hard for me to see my son feel so down and hard on himself despite all the positive qualities he has.

Is your daughter seeing a therapist or taking any medication? Do you feel the BPD diagnosis helps you understand your daughter and her behaviors?

I do think it gets better. It's a slow process, not least because change is difficult. My son is doing better in part because I made a commitment to focus on turning the ship around, learning how to communicate with him and understand what had to happen in order for our relationship to improve. Expecting him to change without meeting him halfway would not work in our situation, he needed a buddy.  

How are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself? It's easy to get swamped by difficult feelings when our kids are struggling to the degree they do. I never realized how hard it actually was to take care of myself until it become a necessity.

Let us know how you're doing, and make yourself at home here. Posting and share really does help and can make a big difference so you don't feel so alone. Plus the skills and tools here really do make things better.

LnL