Relax. The very fact that you're concerned about this is indication that you are aware and careful to not consciously follow her path. And your
self-reflection will make the improper behaviors very apparent if you should happen to mimic her more extreme behaviors. Most likely all you have are
fleas
caught from years of proximity to her? It's not you or who you are and over time you will be better able to handle, address and short-circuit those inclinations.
She sounds like the mother in
Everyone loves Raymond.
Deal with what is. On the one hand it is good that she is in therapy. On the other hand, is she really improving or does it appear to be mostly for show thus far? Being in therapy doesn't ensure she will change how she treats you and the children - or improve enough.
Most distressing are the decades of exposure to her poor behaviors. You can undo much of it over time. Do you have your own counselor to assist you over the rough spots, such as for the holidays she has most impacted? Of course, peer support such as is found here is a type of shared-load therapy as well.
Yes, I would say much of it is learned behavior as she's been at the forefront of my life at all times. She needs to be very much involved in everything and will call/text from sun up to sun down. Then when she's upset it's complete silence for weeks until she switches gears and it all starts over again. So this roller coaster has definitely impacted my own behavior as well as the fact that I have had no positive role modeling of how a healthy mother behaves other than what I've seen in other people's mothers. I have to constantly go against what I learned and what seems like it should be o.k. and tell myself "No, this is not healthy. This is not normal.". It's kind of like being in a cult and worshiping the leader for so many years then escaping and trying to be a normal person.
She isn't currently in therapy. When she is in therapy she's a little more open minded and seems more aware of what she's saying and doing. The problem is that she won't continue with it and quits after a month or so. She just blames everything on being bipolar and doesn't want to admit that the BPD is a huge factor in much of what goes on and requires regular therapy.
I was getting counseling some years ago and diagnosed with PTSD and depression. It was helping to go to sessions, but at that time I was still too enmeshed with her to realize how negatively she was affecting me. I felt obligated to be her best friend and confidant and felt bad for her and all she'd been through in her own childhood. It's only been recently that I feel like I don't want her in my life and need to have her and her demons exorcised from own spirit. I feel completely over her and her problems and want to have my own life and become whoever the heck I was supposed to become 20+ years ago as well as protect my children from being caught up with her.
