NC and Her Kids...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Everyone,

So she found replacement and it is about three weeks of NC.

Now, She has children on Her own and I had really good relations with Them. I guess They loved me, the same from my side.

I always remember their birthday, and now soon coming birthday of Her Daughter... .I am not sure what to do. I really want to go full NC. But even sending a b-day card to Her Daughter and if She respond with text or something can trigger again bad feelings. On other hand She might use it like always was using the smallest thing to manipulate.

Should I feel guilty staying fully NC and not sending anything? I really miss Her kids, but maybe full NC is better for Them too?

Best Regards,

Maro12

[Maro12]

Hi Everyone,

So she found replacement and it is about three weeks of NC.

Now, She has children on Her own and I had really good relations with Them. I guess They loved me, the same from my side.

I always remember their birthday, and now soon coming birthday of Her Daughter... .I am not sure what to do. I really want to go full NC. But even sending a b-day card to Her Daughter and if She respond with text or something can trigger again bad feelings. On other hand She might use it like always was using the smallest thing to manipulate.

Should I feel guilty staying fully NC and not sending anything? I really miss Her kids, but maybe full NC is better for Them too?

Best Regards,

Maro12

[once removed]

its a tough situation maro12, and i feel for you. it sucks losing the other attachments we gained through our significant other.

the choice is yours. keep in mind, nc is one tool of many, for some people, in some situations; its not a rule. should you feel guilty if you dont send it? i dont think so.

again, its a lousy situation but it tends to come with any relationship breakup. personally id lean against sending anything, but thats me. your gut seems like its leaning against the bday card. if youre basically just saying "i dont really want to do this, i want to maintain nc, but i feel guilty, am i wrong for this?", id definitely go with your gut 

[Mutt]

Hi Maro12,

I'm sorry to hear that. My ex-partner had a D and she was a part of my family for several years. I found I developed a bond with her much like a father and daughter. It was really hard for me losing her after the break-up. I don't think that there's a right or wrong here. You're worried because your ex may manipulate and I would be prepared for it if you send a card. I found my ex was often jealous of the attention I gave to her D, it's like she competed with attention with my kids. That's my personal experience anyway.

I'm sorry I don't know the back-story. How old is her D?

[runningup]

I can empathise a lot. My X-BPD had a 6 mth old when we got together, and I raised him as my own until it all went south recently. She cheated on me and moved in with the Druggie guy she cheated on me with. I am missing my step-son who called me dad a great deal, and with NC towards her, and the fact shes painted me black there is not a single thing I can do about it, and it rips your heart out. If I was the biological father things would be different, but the sad state of my being a step parent, who loves him, theres nothing legally or otherwise that can be done.

She always made promises that if anything happened she would not take me away from him, and exclude me from his life, but within days of her being caught out she did just that. I didnt even get a chance to say goodbye to him and I tell him how much I love him.