Where do I start? BPD spouse and BPD Adult child - Hell on earth

[Bestmama2k15]

Where do I start ?

Everyone says ask for help but no-one not even professionals understand what a high functioning person with BPD is like.  My spouse put us through hell.  Trying to work through it all and making progress, But then my son started to exhibit behavioral inconsistancies and appeared to be having some issues with "manliness"  He reached out to his BPD father for "help"   That didnt go well,because his dad told him that having kids in the house was too stressful for him.     My son was then just sleeping on random couches of friends and neighbors.  It was like a switch flipped in him.  Started the black and white splitting and projecting onto me.  People commented on the great relationship I had with my kids, I had no idea he was so troubled.  He was halfway through his senior year in high school, honor roll, NHS, nationally ranked student athlete, with Congressional appointment to a US academy.  He had a scholarship to spend a High school year as a student in europe- He was pretty close to a perfect kid, his family and his community was proud of him but you can't beat GENETICS.  BPD-like behavior ran through his fathers family for generations.  I raised him right but still couldnt escape the genetic code.  Moms dont cause BPD - Genetics does.  So far his siblings still seem fine. (fingers crossed)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[enlighten me]

Hi bestmama

so many parents beat themselves up and blame themselves for their childrens BPD. I like you believe that the biggest factor is genetics. It has been a huge worry for me as I have three sons with my two uBPD exs. So far I havent seen anything to be concerned about but there doesnt seem to be much about children with BPD and what patterns to look for.

I wish you luck with your situation.

EM

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Bestmama2k15 &

Your situation sounds really stressful; having both a Husband with BPD and now a son with BPD can be very trying... .Most of us parents on this Board can really relate to your troubles with your son, and some of us (I'm one) also have spouses with BPD/BPD traits. It can be very frustrating and actually even painful at times... .

Your son seems to have been doing very well with all of his scholastic achievements; is he still in school? How old is he? Did this sudden change in his behavior happen recently? Or, was this something that happened a while ago? How is he doing now? Does he have a Therapist? Has he been diagnosed?

I'm really happy that you have found us; we understand your situation, and want to help you figure out how to make things better... .Please take a look at all of the links to the right-hand side of this page; the TOOLS and THE LESSONS will give you great insights into your son's troubles, and will help you figure out how to communicate with him--and your Husband--in ways that can ease the tension, and help them regulate themselves. You may have learned some of these things while figuring out how to deal with your Husband (have you read any books? Does he have a Therapist?), but the information on this site is really a great addition to the books out there about BPD.

Again, I'm very glad that you have found us, and I'd like to encourage you to tell us more about your story, and to read all you can on this site. We're here for you, Bestmama2k15, and want to help   

[marie1057]

Dear Bestmama,

You are not alone. Both my husband and two sons I believe have BPD and husband and one son are alcoholics. They had a violent fight recently. I was scared to death. I have been in therapy for months to cope so that was my starting point. Things are going downhill for them quickly. I may have to leave soon. I am using all the tools that I am learning, however I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I had some sound advice.