Nightmares

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So I thought I was generally doing pretty good. I am 3 months NC with the exception of a text that she sent on the 25 of last month that I never responded to (blocked her number immediately afterwards). I work two jobs, not because I need the money but something to keep me occupied. Yesterday I got home and decided to catch a nap since my sleep cycle is kind of on the fritz. It was only for about an hour and a half but the dream (nightmare) is what hurt the most.

It was of my DBPDExgf and my replacement. They were at a big dance hall and she was looking stunning. She was dancing with him and then they held each other close and he was singing the song "Only you" to her as she cried tears of happiness. The dream ended with them kissing passionately. I awoke and just felt empty and extremely lonely. Words can't express how depressed I felt.

I know that this dream is just my mind playing tricks. I know that it was just me missing her and wondering how well she is doing with her new man. Logic tells me this is just expressing my emotions that I can't let out to her. I know all these things but that still doesn't stop how horrible that dream felt. I do find myself missing her but I know that I will not break NC.

My question is does anyone else have bad dreams about their ex and if so how do you stop them?

[Arcturus81]

So I thought I was generally doing pretty good. I am 3 months NC with the exception of a text that she sent on the 25 of last month that I never responded to (blocked her number immediately afterwards). I work two jobs, not because I need the money but something to keep me occupied. Yesterday I got home and decided to catch a nap since my sleep cycle is kind of on the fritz. It was only for about an hour and a half but the dream (nightmare) is what hurt the most.

It was of my DBPDExgf and my replacement. They were at a big dance hall and she was looking stunning. She was dancing with him and then they held each other close and he was singing the song "Only you" to her as she cried tears of happiness. The dream ended with them kissing passionately. I awoke and just felt empty and extremely lonely. Words can't express how depressed I felt.

I know that this dream is just my mind playing tricks. I know that it was just me missing her and wondering how well she is doing with her new man. Logic tells me this is just expressing my emotions that I can't let out to her. I know all these things but that still doesn't stop how horrible that dream felt. I do find myself missing her but I know that I will not break NC.

My question is does anyone else have bad dreams about their ex and if so how do you stop them?

[Perdita]

My question is does anyone else have bad dreams about their ex and if so how do you stop them?

Hi Arcturus.  I have no idea how you can stop them.  It takes time because the healing is still not over.  Let your brain work through it in it's own good time.  The dreams are helping you process everything that has happened.  I know it is not pleasant, but I believe it is necessary in order to help us move on.

As for myself, it's been 5 months and I can tell you that every single night for the first 4 months I had nightmares about him.  Often more than one nightmare a night and all long drawn out ones at that.  During the past month it has started to calm down.  I do still dream about him every night, but most aren't nightmares anymore whereas before they were nothing but nightmares.

[Arcturus81]

Thank you Perdita. Looking back it was probably triggered by passing by my ex on the way home from work. I just have a hard time sleeping. I don't want to go to bed usually because I know that when I wake up for a few brief moments I still think she will be there next to me. You are right, I need more time.

[UserName69]

I think you get these dreams because you're thinking too much about your exBPD. Whenever I get obsessed about something I dream about it.

The best way to deal with the nightmares is to keep your self busy and occupied with activities you enjoy. Go out have fun your exBPD doesn't deserve you. One day your going to realise that your exBPD is just mental.

At the moment I realised this I started to hate my exBPD, everytime when I thibk about how she hurt me I hate her. This pushed the missing part away. Thats how I got over my exBPD.

You really need to get over your exBPD. There are many single partners waiting for you, end the end you'll notice that she really isn't worth a single tear.

[going places]

My question is does anyone else have bad dreams about their ex and if so how do you stop them?

For me personally:

I prayed in the morning, and throughout the day for the Lord to 'protect' my sleep and not let those thoughts disturb my sleep. I also spoke out loud my gratitude to the Lord, thankful for the roof over my head, food in my mouth, the kids health, etc... .I found the more I was grateful, thankful for what I did have, the less my mind wandered to what I didn't have.

The MORE I focused on something, ANYTHING other than the ex and the relationship w/ the ex, the less often the nightmares occurred.

I spoke words (out loud) of hope, future, goals, etc (things that did NOT include ex).

Example, I would tell people about my goal to open my own restaurant, what it would look like, how many it would seat, the theme, etc... .I would think and speak positive words and thoughts.

For me personally, having my brain scrambled, sometimes I have a panic attack, nightmare, flashback, etc for  (what seems at the time) no reason. Digging deeper, I can connect the dots later as to what "sent me".

But I went from nightmares every night; insomnia that drove me to the brink of insanity, to the occasional 'bad dream' (nothing like the nightmares I used to have... .)

Time, changing you thought pattern in the day time to help manage your night time thoughts, and prayer were my allies.