ubrother splits me black

[Depression = 72% of members]

I know that BPD in my family is not just limited to my daughter. Last night I rang my brother to tell him of the end of my 19 year relationship. He loved my partner so I told him gently and that I had not initiated the break. He immediately was angry and abusive, calling me names and swearing. There were no words of sympathy. When I told him that I did not agree with his opinion of me that I was 'ruthless', he put the phone down on me. After this, I sent him a validating text because I did not want to leave it like that. This was really hard for me as I am already so raw from the last year with my daughter's breakdown and then with the so recent end of my long relationship.

Around 15 years ago, around the death of our dad (who my brother thought did not love him), I received a letter from him, out of the blue. We had not fought and I did not think we had any problems. The letter was the most shocking communication I have ever had. It began by saying, 'I no longer love you' and then continued to tell me how horrible I was, with name calling, and how, if he was ill or dying I was to go nowhere near him. I eventually sent him a reply telling him that he was my brother and the door was always open.

He stayed NC for 5 years and then suddenly began to speak to me again. I have always been on those proverbial eggshells around his sensitivity that I am 'bossy' or 'controlling' or 'ruthless', since then. He is the carer to our mum, who has Alzheimer's, so he needs to communicate with me. He explodes, now and again, at her too, and swears loudly at her, when it happens. She used to ring me up when this happened but now she can no longer use the phone.  My mum adores him (my mum also has some personality issues).

It is pretty clear to me now, looking back at his life of no relationships and very little gainful employment that lasted, that he is uBPD.

I wonder how this will pan out - especially around the care of my mum and him communicating with me.

The dysfunction in my family is significant with many personality issues going on.  Life is really tough, at the moment.

[Missp]

I know that BPD in my family is not just limited to my daughter. Last night I rang my brother to tell him of the end of my 19 year relationship. He loved my partner so I told him gently and that I had not initiated the break. He immediately was angry and abusive, calling me names and swearing. There were no words of sympathy. When I told him that I did not agree with his opinion of me that I was 'ruthless', he put the phone down on me. After this, I sent him a validating text because I did not want to leave it like that. This was really hard for me as I am already so raw from the last year with my daughter's breakdown and then with the so recent end of my long relationship.

Around 15 years ago, around the death of our dad (who my brother thought did not love him), I received a letter from him, out of the blue. We had not fought and I did not think we had any problems. The letter was the most shocking communication I have ever had. It began by saying, 'I no longer love you' and then continued to tell me how horrible I was, with name calling, and how, if he was ill or dying I was to go nowhere near him. I eventually sent him a reply telling him that he was my brother and the door was always open.

He stayed NC for 5 years and then suddenly began to speak to me again. I have always been on those proverbial eggshells around his sensitivity that I am 'bossy' or 'controlling' or 'ruthless', since then. He is the carer to our mum, who has Alzheimer's, so he needs to communicate with me. He explodes, now and again, at her too, and swears loudly at her, when it happens. She used to ring me up when this happened but now she can no longer use the phone.  My mum adores him (my mum also has some personality issues).

It is pretty clear to me now, looking back at his life of no relationships and very little gainful employment that lasted, that he is uBPD.

I wonder how this will pan out - especially around the care of my mum and him communicating with me.

The dysfunction in my family is significant with many personality issues going on.  Life is really tough, at the moment.

[Kwamina]

Hi Missp

Welcome to Coping and Healing  There's a lot going on in your life right now, a lot of difficult things unfortunately.

The way your brother reacted to you telling him of the end of your relationship was very unpleasant and invalidating. You also mention other times he has been abusive to you or your mother. Is setting and enforcing boundaries with your brother something you feel comfortable doing?

You are going through some though times now, I am glad you are also reaching out for support on this board