Hello

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

I am a 54yo female with no children who is the daughter of a BPD mom and narcissistic father.  It has taken me 54 yrs to figure this out.  I always knew that there was something not quite right in my family.  My life has been an emotional rollar coaster of guilt and being demeaned even though I am a successful person.  My mother still controls me to this day and periodically causes turmoil in my life.  I can't just cut off ties with her because in many ways she is helpless.  My father passed 5 yrs ago and she is all alone.  Finding out that there is a diagnosis for her behavior has been a revolation for me. Life changing!  I am wanting to learn ways to make our relationship less turbulent.  It is so hard and discouraging.  My mom is 74.  She has been this way my whole life. 

[worthlessone]

Hello,

I am a 54yo female with no children who is the daughter of a BPD mom and narcissistic father.  It has taken me 54 yrs to figure this out.  I always knew that there was something not quite right in my family.  My life has been an emotional rollar coaster of guilt and being demeaned even though I am a successful person.  My mother still controls me to this day and periodically causes turmoil in my life.  I can't just cut off ties with her because in many ways she is helpless.  My father passed 5 yrs ago and she is all alone.  Finding out that there is a diagnosis for her behavior has been a revolation for me. Life changing!  I am wanting to learn ways to make our relationship less turbulent.  It is so hard and discouraging.  My mom is 74.  She has been this way my whole life. 

[Kwamina]

Hi

Thanks for posting this introduction and welcome to bpdfamily  Being the child of a BPD mother and narcissistic father isn't easy. You definitely aren't worthless though!

My mother still controls me to this day and periodically causes turmoil in my life.  I can't just cut off ties with her because in many ways she is helpless.

I am sorry that you are still having these problems with your mother. In what ways do you feel like she controls you? What kind of turmoil does she cause in your life?

When you say she is helpless in many ways, are you referring to the fact that you're father has passed and she's alone now? Or do you also feel like she is helpless in other ways?

Having a BPD parent can really take it's toll on you and I understand you're sense of discouragement. Many of our members know what it's like to have a BPD parent and I am glad you are reaching out for support here. Take care

[Corpal74]

I am new to putting a name to what my mom has to. I think the best thing is understanding what she is going through. I had always wondered if she was that horrible, one time, even though it sounds funny, i mustered up the courage to say, "i think you know you're lying ". That was honest. I understood my mom that little. Now after reading i am learning it is so complicated inside her head that she can't control it. And I also learned she is very unlikely to admit she has a problem.

You have delbt with it all these years and have some experience as to what works and doesn't. I think with acceptance, support from here, and understanding, you may be able to find you see her differently. That in effect may change part of the dynamic. I'll leave it to other people to help you figure out the day to day communication. I will tell you this, the number one tool I have to deal with my mom is boundaries! Also try not to take things personally. Jer reality is very twisted, so it really isn't reality at all.