My sister invaded my privacy. I need serious help with coping now.

[goingtostopthis]

                 I had a really bad thing happen to me a few days ago.  I had been writing on another forum and some how I made a mistake not thinking by sharing the link to this forum to a person presenting video about Narcissism who I wanted to share my story with. She found this video on my face book page which confuses me because I had her blocked.  Is it true  that even though a person is blocked they can still still see a few of your posts on fb?. Im not on a public setting either.

                  It got bad. We are in family therapy and recently she had been really nice and understanding to me about a few issues,  but I was getting paranoid because of these coincidences of how she was being nice to me about certain things I was talking about on this site.  I felt I was being just paranoid and was getting ready to close my account anyways to be on the safe side.  

                  What she did was admit to me during therapy she had been been reading my posts for up to a month, coupled with telling me I was an insincere person, and how dare I talk about her on line,Im such a bad person etc. etc.  It was night mere and still is.    She claims she wasnt on my computer, like in my room by showing me this print out as to where she found this link from a video on my face book page.  I really dont get it. There is no one on my friends lists related to her but my brothers ex, and my father, I blocked them anyways. This has been so upsetting.  I now have a pass word for my computer but I still need it confirmed if a blocked person can still see a portion of your face book page even though they are blocked.  Since I had her blocked,and FB setting on "friends" only.   I dont see any reason to believe her.  It was a horrible violation of my privacy. During the therapy session she said she even printed some of it out and "yes"  she shared all this with my mother.  She sat there so justified at telling me what a dishonest person I was for talking about her the way I was.  :)ishonest?   This was my private space where I could go to get stuff off my chest and even rant once in a while where it was suppose to be safe!  I even told her that nothing I had said means it was true, I use words like "seems" and "feels like" all the time and this was my private place to work things out and get help.  It wasnt meant for her to ever see., and Im even angrier now that she showed my mother, not thinking or caring for a second that this would hurt her! It's just so selfish I can hardly stand it. The truth is she doesnt care about hurting my mother, she just wants her on her side.    

                  So in therapy, my face went white and I thought I was going to pass out.  Im feeling so sick. And this therapist, I dont like him.  I think he's an amateur. I think he was trying really hard to be tactic because he was saying something around the bush to my sister and she blurted out real loud, Are you saying we are abusive! He didnt answer either way, though I think he should have had balls and said ,yes.  Invading my privacy like she did and allowing a whole mouth to go by while I unknowingly continued writing is abusive.

                    I let her know how I felt in a few notes and made it clear that she leaves me alone. No contact is what I mean.  And then she tries to be nice to me again,  but never said she was sorry in anyway. Its like what NPD's do, called charming, or that "ho" word in Nar, language, when they are afraid you are really going to leave. Both my parents are this and I told her, if she hadnt all ready figured it out in everything I had been writing about for a MONTH! and beyond... .oh Im sure she read everything.  She should know everything there is to know now about dysfunction,abuse and NPD.  Im sure now, shes just pretending now that this isnt so and Im just crazy.

Oh, and apart of her controlling punishment to me was to say she didnt think she wanted to continue with therapy anymore after her bomb. Now, she has finally agreed to go with me alone "without" my Nar. Mother who has pitted us against each other this whole time. Before I wanted to go alone with my sister because the problems of not getting along are between us!  My mother said no,  that I was trying to break them up so she had to go too.  And then my sister acuses me of being negative all the time.  I wonder why!    

 Im seeing my therapist next week and Im really going to need some tools to deal with this.  Im pretty sure Im safe here.  If anyone has any advise as far as security is concerned please let me know about it. Thanks

[Kwamina]

Hi GTST

I understand your anger and frustration about what your sister did. She not only invaded your private 'safe' place but apparently had already been invading it for quite some time by her own admission.

Facebook's privacy settings are not always that transparent unfortunately. It's good that you've now put a password on your computer to help protect tour privacy. Erasing your browser history after every session is also something that's often advisable when dealing with disordered family-members.

You've let your sister know that you want her to leave you alone. Have you had any contact with your mother since this happened?

It's a good thing that you also have an individual therapist with whom you can discuss what happened.

[goingtostopthis]

No,    not really...

     She sat there the whole time during the therapy session after my sister's lovely announcement to me and barely had any expression on her face at all. The therapist finally asked her what she thought about all this and she said (motioning with her hand)  that she just lets this stuff go right over her head.   That's all she said and sat quietly the rest of the time while my sister was persecuting me.   

                                      + Its taken me this long to realize that there is something that is not right with her. I mean Ive all ways kind of known it but now that she's getting older it's really starting to come out. The only kind of contact is her going way over board in having my sister bring food up here for me. I dont need it. I dont ask for it. I have money to buy my own food and I do, but she cant feel right or be happy if she cant cook for me and to this mother sort of thing. I personally dont like this happening all the time because it makes me feel like Im still a child or better yet, that my choices in what I want to eat and how I want to cook are inferior some how.

                                        The last contact was her buying me all this junk food,this huge! candy bar with big jugs of coke. I like coke but Im trying not to drink it as much as possible. I tell her this.  She doesnt listen. 

She called and left me a message telling that she just made these special hamburgers and my sister will bring them over tonight. All in this denial tone as if nothing is wrong at all.  Everything's just peachy act.  and of course she ends it with:  "I love you."  in aperky tone.   It makes me sick.         

[goingtostopthis]

   Well,  I saw my therapist today.  He was very good to me and understanding. There is still a financial issue with my insurance they are trying to figure out where Im being charged too much and if they cant take my Blue Cross amount for what it states I need to pay.  I cant see this person anymore. Its taking to long for them to get this straightened out so if it turns out they cant take my insurance as it is, then Im just going to go it alone with out a therapist for awhile.  I feel Im strong enough now at least in the mean time.

             I know Im not the only one in this world with problems like this. Ive also been getting support from my brother which has been the world. I feel I have the strength to stand up to this now. Its true though I still need skills in coping. I dont know if this is a part of abusive patterns but I kind of think it is. I told my sister very specifically I wanted her to leave me alone. Now she's trying to be all nice to me buy leaving gifts for me in the kitchen.  I guess its like when an abusive man hits you and then buys you roses the next day and is all sorry. Its the cycle  of abuse, right?   I didnt want what she left for me. Why would I?  So I left it there.  I guess if I go along with her script and act like everything's ok now,   she will never have to take responsibility for what she did.

              My brother told me that I should ask her to leave because she's too controlling and only come up here for visits every once and awhile. He said it's time she accepts the reality that I live here now and that Im the one taking care of the farm and that it isnt her place to be here anymore. Im afraid he's right. She needs to take her two dogs who are over taking the kitchen and take them home. He said it was my choice and to tell her this when Im ready.  I personally think in consideration to what she just did to me I have every reason to make this request.

              Im not ready to do this yet, but with what he said I all of a sudden started realizing that I have more power then I thought and that a lot that has been going on here with her has been nothing but a series of head trips to intimidate me. I'm giving her this power.  She will do something really absurd towards me and then she will act nice like nothing happened and she gets my mom in on it. It just goes around and around and never seems to stop. Its like they are trying to emotionally bribe me to give in so "they" can have everything ok again for themselves.  I guess so they wont have to feel guilty and brush the whole incident under the rug.

           + I need time now to get my strength back. What she did this time has really thrown me for a loop. Ive gotten physically sick from this because of the shock of it all on an emotional level. I have plans with things Im going to do to bring income to this farm. Im going to go ahead and get to work on these things. My sister has said this is ok so she knows, but the actual bringing things to fruition is what I feel is something she cant stand. I think she gets threatened by me but at this point,  I really dont care what she thinks. Ive all ready demonstrated big improvements here, ground moving improvements literally.

           My therapist told me to day that I have quite a leverage here because Im the one taking care of this farm and actually doing things to financially keep the place.   She isnt. It's like she's in her own world of denial and zero action. She is not in reality at all as to what it will take to maintain a place like this. She acts like just saying "God will provide"," God will take care things"  is all she has to do. I guess that means I'm God then right?               

[Proboscidea]

If your blocked family member uses a computer that is not hers, yes, she can see your page. This includes libraries, her friends or work. I don't do social media anymore because you are still exposed, blocking or not. My family managed to read my accounts which led brother to my house in another state. He had sexually abused me but nobody believed me. He said she said.

I don't even post here much. My paranoia is bad.

[deux soeurs]

I understand your frustration.  Yes, there are many ways to get around being blocked on Facebook.  I have my sister blocked but she manages to go on other computers like Proboscidea mentioned.  My BPD sister seems to know all the tricks... .If your sister changed her name on FB she will also not be blocked any more.  The thing I learned is to only post things on Facebook that I don't care if my sister sees.  I work in education and am very careful with social media.  I know my BPD sister is still on this forum and that is fine too.  I am NC by choice as she is so very toxic.  Sometimes we must make those hard choices.  I can't imagine how violated you felt as you blocked her.  Just know if it is on social media, anyone can see it.  Best advice is keep a private journal with your thoughts.  That is what I do.