How much does your BPD SO knows about you?

[joshbjoshb]

Lately, when I speak to my wife, I realized how little she knows about me. What I like or not, what are my ambitions and goals.

Whenever we talk about different things and she tells me "I know that you want x y and z", I tell her: "No you don't. You don't really know what I want".

She never questions it.

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[cloudten]

That's a fun question.

Answer: Nothing

Until recently. We have been together 3 years. It wasn't until he started therapy that he started taking an interest in anything about me. He always feined interest- but then if I would answer a question- he'd ignore it or "forget", sometimes even dysregulate.

At least now he knows that I like roses, coke zero, and coffee creamer. He'll bring me stuff like that trying to be thoughtful- and it is thoughtful. But generally- no- he knows and understands very little about me. Not like we nons do. When we like someone- we go over the top to find out what they like. What's her favorite perfume and buy it for her. what's his favorite movie and beer... .and have it on hand when he comes home. etc. my BPD just isn't like that.

When she says "I know that you want xyz... ."  ... .Is she generally right?

If I am answering that question, i would say no... .my BPD would have it completely opposite or made up.

[Cat Familiar]

He buys me expensive jewelry--the thought is nice, but I'm an outdoor gal.

For the price, I'd much rather convert the round pen (where I work my horses) into an arena.

Now, I've got these pretty pieces of jewelry that I have to think about wearing. (I know--big problem!) But I'm the kind of woman who gets ready to go out in five minutes, taking an outdoor shower after I've fed the horses, goats and sheep. Then when we get to a restaurant, I'm looking at my dirty fingernails and realizing how I'm not fit to be out in public. Good thing I'm kinda cute with a natural look as I don't have a clue as to how to use makeup.

[Hmcbart]

My wife really doesn't know much about me anymore and it's been 20 years. I don't have to worry about her buying me things or doing things that I like because she doesn't really try. I have asked her why she doesn't try to do things for me or get be little gifts just to say I love you, even a text would be great every once in a while. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc... .An occasional card or gift still in the Walmart bag. Ok this was a bit depressing.

But she does say I know nothing about her which isn't true.

[Cat Familiar]

Something I've noticed lately is that when I speak about myself--some funny anecdote that happened today or a goofy thing that one of the animals did--he is multi-tasking--doing something on his tablet, getting up to make tea, anything but giving me his full attention and then he says nothing--no response whatsoever.

When he speaks to me, I give him my full attention and if I don't immediately respond (and I always say something, but sometimes I don't respond quickly), then he gets insulted. So odd how the rules don't apply to him.

So typically I don't talk about myself. He will respond if I talk politics. Over time, he's knowing less and less about me because he doesn't seem to be interested.

Another funny gift he gave me is perfume. Never in my life have I worn perfume and I'm very sensitive to chemical smells. It's like he thinks I'm someone I'm not, or he's trying to make me into someone else. Good luck with that--I'm not Eliza Doolittle.