zipline,
no harm in protecting yourself. there are two schools of thought: one is that you should expose yourself to triggers therefore desensitizing yourself. the other is avoid triggers at least until youre ready. i like both. the variable is you and the pace you are comfortable with, and protecting your recovery process.
as such id avoid discussing this any further with the friend putting on the show. he was kind of invalidating, and having decided she is "still hooked into your brain and to let it go" he took it upon himself to tell you what shes up to. very helpful guy .
personally, id be triggered too. id feel both alone and ashamed if a friend treated me that way. i think its that simple. shortly after i was replaced, i had a friend, who had previously gone out of their way to empathize with me, tell me my ex was probably not even thinking about me. funny thing is, i factually knew her to be wrong, but i was massively triggered, and though i dont recall, i probably had similar visuals.
"Why is she still in my head? Why does this effect me? "I am not a victim. I am not a victim." But I feel victimized. I feel used. I feel completely devalued."
zipline, your feelings are valid. they are yours. its great that you reject a victim mentality, but its understandable that this all still feels intensely personal. it effects you because you had an attachment with this person, and feelings for them. you have a history. please do not feel ashamed of your feelings, they are a healthy expression. i understand feeling like the feelings are "wrong", like you should be railing against or "over" this person, but that attitude is invalidating yourself and actually worsening the feelings. accept the feelings. then you can begin to deal with them.
hang in there.
edit: i wouldnt go to the show. i only say that because you leaned against it. your friend has behaved like a jerk, and your ex probably wont be there. do something for you instead
