Twilight zone

[Eco]

I feel like im in one of those episodes right now. Just when I feel like ive heard and seen it all from my ex she surprises me. It happened yesterday and I was going to post but my brain was so stunned by the insanity I had to wait till today . I guess my ex was so disregulated by the week vacation I took with my daughter its got her in shambles.

it started Tuesday when she didn't answer when I called to talk to my daughter, I let it roll of me and just texted her that I tried to call and got no response. the next day was my visitation and I showed up at the babysitter to get my daughter as normal but my daughter wasn't there. I texted my ex and got no response so I drove to my exs house and my exs car wasn't there but I noticed her older daughter who is 10 was looking out the window and quickly lowered the blinds when she saw me.

I sent another text asking where my daughter was and told her I was concerned that her 10 yr old was watching my daughter alone. no response so I drove home with my son and my mom in the car with me. Finally she texted me saying her phone died and that the regular babysitter couldn't watch my daughter so she got a high school kid to watch all 3 of her kids.

I asked her why she didn't let me know my daughter wasn't going to be at the normal spot for pickup and why she didn't let me watch my daughter while she went to work instead of a teenager. Her response was that she didn't have to worry about a teenager kissing her daughter and giving her herpes. Indecently I had my daughter tested and it was a canker sore and not herpes. My ex really went off the deep end at this point, normally she only tells one or two things that aren't true or rewrites one part of history but she went on and on and nothing made any sense. It was like I was talking to a complete stranger about someone elses child and court order, my mouth was literally on the floor in disbelief and worry for my daughter and her other kids. I don't know if my ex has a split personality or what but it was scary.

I didn't handle things as well as I usually do, I was angry and frustrated that I had such a great week with my daughter and made a lot of progress with her and here my ex was denying visitation and trying to make it so I go without seeing my daughter. She cant stand the fact that my daughter is getting closer and closer to me, I told her I was taking her to court and that she was mentally sick and needed serious help. I told her that I didn't mean that in a hurtful way but she is the mother of my daughter and I was worried.

I know that it was a mistake to say that and my ex went off on me telling me I wasn't going to get visitation and to take her to court because it would save her money so she wouldn't have to file herself because she needs to inform the courts about me. She sent me 15 texts all saying I wasn't going to see my daughter and then she took a hard left turn by asking me what job I am going to take next month  Im changing jobs and she is demanding that I inform her of every move I make,  I told her what jobs I am looking at is non of her concern and she flipped out. I refused to talk about that further with her.

After all the insults and telling me I wasn't going to see my daughter she texts me an hr later asking if I can be at her house at 830am this morning to get my daughter while my ex works    

I agree and she is talking to me like nothing happened.

I got my daughter this morning and I have never seen my daughter so excited to see me, they were outside in the driveway and my ex had to hold my daughter back to keep her from running into my car. I could hear her 30 ft away yelling " daddys here daddys here "

My ex made sure to give me my daughters lunch, I guess I cant handle lunch or do it right. My ex also texted me at lunchtime to make sure my daughter ate her lunch. This is what she does at the daycare that drives them nuts, she micro manages everything.

I get my daughter sunday at 6pm for my 2nd week of vacation, I don't know what to expect at the outcome at the end of that as she is already a mess.

Thanks for listening to my rant, thoughts?

[livednlearned]

That's very sweet your D was so excited to see you  I love that age, when they're so excited.

My ex would also rant and then pivot abruptly, as though nothing happened. This went on during our marriage, and also after when we shared custody.

I talked to my therapist about the different times it would happen. Her perspective was that it was psychosis, but when I tried to read more and understand exactly what psychosis was, it was hard to figure out how it was different than dysphoria or dissasociation or delusional thinking.

ps. glad to hear it wasn't herpes! That must be a comfort to confirm what you had suspected.

[rarsweet]

Eco does she act like this with the other x. Does she just have kind of a standard dialog that she uses with both of you. Have you thought of getting a cheap tracphone you could use just for her, and throw it in a drawer and only look at it once a day. Or only communicate via email so you don't get her b.s. all day.

[Eco]

Sorry if my post is hard to follow but Its hard to put this mess in a way that can be understood also I was in a hurry.

That's very sweet your D was so excited to see you  grin I love that age, when they're so excited.

Me to, she normally is happy to see me but today was off the charts. wild horses weren't going to keep her away The sad thing is that she used to be excited to see her mom when I brought her back to her but its getting less and less lately.

My ex would also rant and then pivot abruptly, as though nothing happened. This went on during our marriage, and also after when we shared custody.

Its very troubling because you don't know what to expect next

I talked to my therapist about the different times it would happen. Her perspective was that it was psychosis, but when I tried to read more and understand exactly what psychosis was, it was hard to figure out how it was different than dysphoria or dissasociation or delusional thinking.

One thing she does is say she told me something when she didn't. I really believe in her mind she believes she told me because she was thinking it at the time or even later on,  because she thought it that makes it fact. usually she only does this with one thing but this time it was a stream of things one after another. It was like she had a 2 hr conversation with me about all this stuff and then was reminding me of what we talked about, unfortunately I wasn't present for that conversation. Scary stuff

ps. glad to hear it wasn't herpes! That must be a comfort to confirm what you had suspected.

Even with the proof my ex still refuses to believe that its a canker sore. 

Eco does she act like this with the other x. Does she just have kind of a standard dialog that she uses with both of you.

My ex has 3 kids with 3 different dads, Dad #1 she was married to for less then a yr and it ended with a her pulling a knife on him. they went to court and she lost her daughter briefly because of the assault. somehow she got custody back and they didn't get along for a while. When I came along she was civil with him and somewhat friendly, he is allowed in her house to pick his daughter up.

Dad #2 was a one night stand supposedly and they had a brief feud and he didn't see his daughter for her first year. now they get along just fine, when I was with my ex we would go over to his house and eat dinner on some holidays and I eventually  got him a job where I worked. I got a lot of the truth about my exs past from him, he never went to court and got legitimized as the father so he doesn't have any rights and I think he is afraid to.

I am treated like the devil compared to the other two dads, The only thing that bothers me about that is how its going to effect my daughter. She sees her sisters dads able to come into her moms house and they are allowed to bring stuff home from their dads like stuffed animals, pictures and such.

Have you thought of getting a cheap tracphone you could use just for her, and throw it in a drawer and only look at it once a day. Or only communicate via email so you don't get her b.s. all day.

Luckily I don't deal with a lot of contact from my ex since I quit feeding the drama monster. I cut things short and to the facts and I don't respond to most of the nonsense. the only time I engage is if she tries to interfere with my daughters time with me.

[livednlearned]

I wonder if ex treats you this way because you are clearly committed to D? With the other dads, ex may feel more in control?

One thing she does is say she told me something when she didn't. I really believe in her mind she believes she told me because she was thinking it at the time or even later on,  because she thought it that makes it fact. usually she only does this with one thing but this time it was a stream of things one after another. It was like she had a 2 hr conversation with me about all this stuff and then was reminding me of what we talked about, unfortunately I wasn't present for that conversation.

I've experienced this too. My ex did this in court in front of a judge   and then accused the judge he was lying about his back surgery. I agree with what you wrote, that they believe what they're saying.

Are you starting to see a pattern in her behavior, and see the emotional logic? It sounds like you stayed calm and didn't react. Do you think that's why she was able to shift and ask you to pick D up?

[Eco]

I wonder if ex treats you this way because you are clearly committed to D? With the other dads, ex may feel more in control?

That's exactly it I believe, the other 2 dads aren't very involved and are satisfied with the basic visitation schedule. she has much more control with the other dads, I think my ex is really kicking herself for picking me to have another kid with. I was a pushover in my relationship with my ex but she is finding out that im a totally different person when it comes to my kids, I am definitely not a pushover when it comes to them.

Are you starting to see a pattern in her behavior, and see the emotional logic? It sounds like you stayed calm and didn't react. Do you think that's why she was able to shift and ask you to pick D up?

Im not sure. I came up with a few different possibilities, 1. she needed me to watch my daughter because she had no one else. 2.she is worried that I am taking her to court and how this will look. 3. standing up to her has made her do the right thing, Ive noticed in the past when I stand up to her on something sometimes she does the right thing

[livednlearned]

3. standing up to her has made her do the right thing, Ive noticed in the past when I stand up to her on something sometimes she does the right thing

That's interesting.

Can you think back to all of those times and see a pattern? Your tone of voice, body language, words you say (or not say)?

[Eco]

Can you think back to all of those times and see a pattern? Your tone of voice, body language, words you say (or not say)?

It doesn't always work and usually its by text or email, if done in person it gets nasty and I have to leave because she gets to disreagulated. I have to keep from being swayed or manipulated by guilt or insults and stand firm, like standing up to a bully. a lot of times I try to navigate through conversations with my ex which may look like im fearful of her, she knows the only way to get to me is through my daughter so she uses that as a tool. Im to the point where I no longer show my ex fear, although im fearful I just don't show my ex.