What exactly are you missing if anything at all?

[problemsolver]

I realize some are happy to get out... .and I realize some people are struggling

I'd say i'm missing the feeling of someone caring so deeply about me... .To have someone literally obsessed with me was both flattering and scary in a sense I suppose... she basically gave me 100 percent control of her emotions and thats when it got unhealthy mentally from her stand point... But I miss the fact that the girl who cared far far far too much about me is now so very indifferent towards me and essentially doesn't care at all.

[rotiroti]

I realize some are happy to get out... .and I realize some people are struggling

I'd say i'm missing the feeling of someone caring so deeply about me... .To have someone literally obsessed with me was both flattering and scary in a sense I suppose... she basically gave me 100 percent control of her emotions and thats when it got unhealthy mentally from her stand point... But I miss the fact that the girl who cared far far far too much about me is now so very indifferent towards me and essentially doesn't care at all.

The 100% devotion and the crazy unlimited sex. It was like a honeymoon phase on steroids.


it's a fantasy though, i can sense in your post that you also know this as well

[going places]

What am I missing... .


I am missing something I never had.

True intimacy.

Real, Love.

I lived a lie for 25 years... .

I am missing holding hands with someone, who wants to hold my hand because they care.

I am missing the deep satisfaction of an embrace, because someone is thankful I am in their life.

I am missing that warm, genuine smile when someone looks deep into your eyes, and sees that you reciprocate the same feeling and emotions they are feeling.

I thought I had these things w/ my ex... .but I was the only one who felt this way, who cared this way.

He 'sort of' did nice things; but his end goal was sex.

And not just sex w/ me either.

He only did 'nice things' when it benefited himself, or when he wanted something; Think self-absorbed 13 year old.

I am missing a lot of things in my life... .and I am hoping that before I die, I will get to experience true intimacy and love.

[rotiroti]

What am I missing... .


I am missing something I never had.

True intimacy.

Real, Love.

I lived a lie for 25 years... .

I am missing holding hands with someone, who wants to hold my hand because they care.

I am missing the deep satisfaction of an embrace, because someone is thankful I am in their life.

I am missing that warm, genuine smile when someone looks deep into your eyes, and sees that you reciprocate the same feeling and emotions they are feeling.

I thought I had these things w/ my ex... .but I was the only one who felt this way, who cared this way.

He 'sort of' did nice things; but his end goal was sex.

And not just sex w/ me either.

He only did 'nice things' when it benefited himself, or when he wanted something; Think self-absorbed 13 year old.

I am missing a lot of things in my life... .and I am hoping that before I die, I will get to experience true intimacy and love.

(HUG)

That hit too close to home. You might not feel it, but knowing and having experienced this ordeal has likely made you a thousand times more aware of love

[going places]

If I didn't have The Lord, I would have withered years ago.

[problemsolver]

I realize some are happy to get out... .and I realize some people are struggling

I'd say i'm missing the feeling of someone caring so deeply about me... .To have someone literally obsessed with me was both flattering and scary in a sense I suppose... she basically gave me 100 percent control of her emotions and thats when it got unhealthy mentally from her stand point... But I miss the fact that the girl who cared far far far too much about me is now so very indifferent towards me and essentially doesn't care at all.

The 100% devotion and the crazy unlimited sex. It was like a honeymoon phase on steroids.


it's a fantasy though, i can sense in your post that you also know this as well

you definitely hit it spot on sounds like we went through similar honeymoon phases. It was fantastic while it lasted...

[lm911]

We have to realize these intensive emotions are not healthy and that the mirroring is not healthy for us. They loved us in their way but is not love that can be sustained.

[rotiroti]

I realize some are happy to get out... .and I realize some people are struggling

I'd say i'm missing the feeling of someone caring so deeply about me... .To have someone literally obsessed with me was both flattering and scary in a sense I suppose... she basically gave me 100 percent control of her emotions and thats when it got unhealthy mentally from her stand point... But I miss the fact that the girl who cared far far far too much about me is now so very indifferent towards me and essentially doesn't care at all.

The 100% devotion and the crazy unlimited sex. It was like a honeymoon phase on steroids.


it's a fantasy though, i can sense in your post that you also know this as well

you definitely hit it spot on sounds like we went through similar honeymoon phases. It was fantastic while it lasted...

How long did it last? And are you NC now?


NC has been doing wonders for me!

[NonBPDEx]

Yes, there are innumerable things I miss:

The text messages that she loves me

Knowing that she was there, and thinking of me

The affection and intimacy

Just having her there beside me, and knowing we were a couple

The way she laughed

The way she smiled

Always wanting to make love to me

Always wanting to hold me

The sound of her voice

The way she looked

Unfortunately as time goes by we forget the bad and remember the good. I am finding this part particularly difficult.

[lm911]

Unfortunately as time goes by we forget the bad and remember the good. I am finding this part particularly difficult.

That is true. This may be the only thing for which I envy borderlines. They split us black, there is nothing good.

But our healthy brain with time remembers only the good times and moments.

[NonBPDEx]

Are they thinking of all the things they miss about us? No.

The fact that they can completely disassociate from us is incredibly unfair and heart wrenching.

[problemsolver]

Are they thinking of all the things they miss about us? No.

The fact that they can completely disassociate from us is incredibly unfair and heart wrenching.

.                                                                                                           I'd like to think they remember the good times but I have to agree.

[problemsolver]

I realize some are happy to get out... .and I realize some people are struggling

I'd say i'm missing the feeling of someone caring so deeply about me... .To have someone literally obsessed with me was both flattering and scary in a sense I suppose... she basically gave me 100 percent control of her emotions and thats when it got unhealthy mentally from her stand point... But I miss the fact that the girl who cared far far far too much about me is now so very indifferent towards me and essentially doesn't care at all.

The 100% devotion and the crazy unlimited sex. It was like a honeymoon phase on

How long did it last? And are you NC now?


NC has been doing wonders for me!

the fantasy lasted about 3 months before she started to reveal herself. Once I was hooked she told me she had BPD/depression but I had no idea the severity of BPD until I've done a couple months of research... I've been NC for 23 or so days now... .At times I feel like reaching out but people don't change over night she may act good for a week but then suddenly the crazy making would appear again I know it.

[WhatJustHappened?]

I miss that fantasy of it all. The woman who was always a weakness for me coming back into my life years later, telling me how I meant the world to her and how we were soulmates and "meant to be". What a come-back, Cinderella story. I so wanted to believe it that I ignored all the .

We talked about how others' would kill for the opportunity we were given. And then like that... .poof!

The sex... .boy was that good. But it was just a hook into the bigger illusion.

[UserName69]

I miss totally nothing. Yeah I had a lot of sex with her but you can have sex with every girl so she isn't that special as she thought. I had a rs with her for 6 months and during those months I always was so depressed, this was also caused by her. I knew there was something wrong with her, she drove me crazy with her push pull behavior. Once when we broke up I met an another girl, long story short she's my girlfriend now my exBPD is history. After we broke up I didn't feel depressed anymore, I'm glad that this crappy rs is over. She's just plain evil, I'm not a doormat. There are tons of girls to choose from, why stick to a crazy partner who only plays with your feelings, cheats on you, lies on you, uses you.

[Plonko]

I'm done with it now and happy with my current (hugely better) situation, but I did, for a long time miss the person I thought she could be. I didn't howver miss the person she actually was.

[rotiroti]

I miss totally nothing. Yeah I had a lot of sex with her but you can have sex with every girl so she isn't that special as she thought. I had a rs with her for 6 months and during those months I always was so depressed, this was also caused by her. I knew there was something wrong with her, she drove me crazy with her push pull behavior. Once when we broke up I met an another girl, long story short she's my girlfriend now my exBPD is history. After we broke up I didn't feel depressed anymore, I'm glad that this crappy rs is over. She's just plain evil, I'm not a doormat. There are tons of girls to choose from, why stick to a crazy partner who only plays with your feelings, cheats on you, lies on you, uses you.

ahaha thanks for making my morning. All of my missing is slowly changing into realizations of... "man did I really?" these days

[dobie]

My ex that I left my BPD ex for 

[UserName69]

I miss totally nothing. Yeah I had a lot of sex with her but you can have sex with every girl so she isn't that special as she thought. I had a rs with her for 6 months and during those months I always was so depressed, this was also caused by her. I knew there was something wrong with her, she drove me crazy with her push pull behavior. Once when we broke up I met an another girl, long story short she's my girlfriend now my exBPD is history. After we broke up I didn't feel depressed anymore, I'm glad that this crappy rs is over. She's just plain evil, I'm not a doormat. There are tons of girls to choose from, why stick to a crazy partner who only plays with your feelings, cheats on you, lies on you, uses you.

ahaha thanks for making my morning. All of my missing is slowly changing into realizations of... "man did I really?" these days

Stick to those realizations you're getting over her. I also I can't believe it that I used to be with her. A while ago I saw her and man she looked very unhealthy, she was in a bad shape she dyed her hair very poorly. When I saw her face she looked very unattractive by knowing her I know that she's also unattractive from inside, was this the girl I loved? While my current gf is perfect when I compare her to my exBPD.

Whenever we broke up I told myself that there are a lot of girls available, why stick to this crazy BPD? She isn't worth it. When I told her this she even worshiped me more which was just awkward. I'm glad she's completely out of my life.

You need to move on, don't care/love/think about your exBPD she's history now. If you still care/love/think about her you're wasting your energy and time. Instead use that energy and time into something that will benefit you. Isolate her completely from your life and move on, start new hobbies, go out and have fun, go on a dating tour. Forget about your exBPD there are tons of girls who're able to defeat your exBPD in any area. She'll never experience true love and happiness while you can, just think about it! 

[NonBPDEx]

While my current gf is perfect when I compare her to my exBPD.

No doubt. But I don't have a current gf to compare to the BPDexgf.

And unfortunately the dates I have been on post break-up have only succeeded in highlighting the good things about my ex and consequently make me think more of her.

[greenmonkey]

what do I miss - absolutely nothing what soever. I fell in love with a finely tuned con artist, a mirage a fake. When the true person came out, it was awful, the pleasure she gained from trying to destroy me in every way in which she could and then still felt entitled to everything I have. Why would I miss that ?

My life is now peaceful, calm, I have my friends, I am far removed from where I was. I am very happily single, working in the job I love, and enjoying my life.

[dobie]

While my current gf is perfect when I compare her to my exBPD.

No doubt. But I don't have a current gf to compare to the BPDexgf.

And unfortunately the dates I have been on post break-up have only succeeded in highlighting the good things about my ex and consequently make me think more of her.

Same here sadly

[SummerStorm]

Yes, there are innumerable things I miss:

The text messages that she loves me

Knowing that she was there, and thinking of me

The affection and intimacy

Just having her there beside me, and knowing we were a couple

The way she laughed

The way she smiled

Always wanting to make love to me

Always wanting to hold me

The sound of her voice

The way she looked

Unfortunately as time goes by we forget the bad and remember the good. I am finding this part particularly difficult.

So very true.  Mine made me feel like I was the best person in the world.  She made me feel desirable.  I am currently active on three online dating sites, and I can barely get anyone to look at my profile, much less reply to my messages.  So now, I'm going through this stage of thinking, "Every time she told me that I'm sexy and beautiful, she was just lying.  I'm obviously not."  I have always had low self-esteem and have never had anyone even ask me out on a date or act remotely interested in asking me out on a date, so to have someone tell me for months that I'm perfect and to have that same person actually have sex with me was intoxicating. 

Generally speaking, before I met her, I could turn my phone off for a week and maybe miss one or two text messages from a co-worker.  But then, for five months, I suddenly felt the need to keep my phone with me at all times because I was constantly getting text messages from her.  I even started putting my phone on my desk at work because she would text me during the day (we worked at the same school).  She would even send me sexually explicit texts about how she wanted me to come to her classroom and have sex with her.  It was exciting and made me feel wanted. 

And of course, I miss waking up, checking my messages, and seeing, "I miss you so much.  Love you."  I miss hearing her talk about all of the things we were going to do together.  I miss the person I knew in February and March, before everything started going downhill. 

[NonBPDEx]

I am currently active on three online dating sites, and I can barely get anyone to look at my profile, much less reply to my messages.

I am good at getting dates online, but lousy at connecting once I meet the person. I swore I would never do online again, but I was missing me exBPDgf so much I went back online to try to fill the void. I lined up half a dozen dates in the course of a week. Each one either rejected me, or simply made me miss her more. The end result is it made me feel even worse. I am completely offline now, and withdrawn from trying to date.

so to have someone tell me for months that I'm perfect and to have that same person actually have sex with me was intoxicating. 

My exBPDgf use to often say to me: "so many women would want you". I believe she felt that way. But now I think it was only a projection of her abandonment fears.

I was constantly getting text messages from her.  And of course, I miss waking up, checking my messages, and seeing, "I miss you so much.  Love you."

Yes, exactly the same here... .