Having a difficult time...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi, I am having a hard time with no contact. I will be 3 weeks on Saturday that we have not spoken. I still am keeping up on Facebook and for some reason it helps me to see this from an outside angle. I think he is getting ready to work on getting back with someone he has been with twice before. It's just a gut feeling... .but my gut is pretty good. This would leave the gf he is currently with devastated for sure, because she thinks he is her life partner... .even though he is still married to me. I am going to alanon meetings and it just seems that everyone  is so screwed up! I am wondering if there are any "normal" people out there! I am wondering if I will ever love again... .I am so sad. I miss my husband and I wish he would just get help! I know- I know- I keep praying for him but it's all I can do. I just wish he would call me... .I feel so hopeless! I feel like I am being punished for separating from him, yet I feel like he is over me and wants to be done with me and move on... .even though said he will always love me and is always available if i need anything.  I am so depressed.

[Herodias]

Hi, I am having a hard time with no contact. I will be 3 weeks on Saturday that we have not spoken. I still am keeping up on Facebook and for some reason it helps me to see this from an outside angle. I think he is getting ready to work on getting back with someone he has been with twice before. It's just a gut feeling... .but my gut is pretty good. This would leave the gf he is currently with devastated for sure, because she thinks he is her life partner... .even though he is still married to me. I am going to alanon meetings and it just seems that everyone  is so screwed up! I am wondering if there are any "normal" people out there! I am wondering if I will ever love again... .I am so sad. I miss my husband and I wish he would just get help! I know- I know- I keep praying for him but it's all I can do. I just wish he would call me... .I feel so hopeless! I feel like I am being punished for separating from him, yet I feel like he is over me and wants to be done with me and move on... .even though said he will always love me and is always available if i need anything.  I am so depressed.

[PlanetsBendBetweenUs]

You ex is mentally ill. These types of people operate in this manner. It is terrifying and disgusting to learn that there are predators walking among us such as this but the fact is monsters do exist and they look like anyone else on the street. Be happy that you have distanced yourself from this person. Stop taking what they do personally. Stop looking. They may seem happy with someone else but that is temporary. They will grow tired with time and soon it will be the new person who gets to experience the devaluation and  discarding stages of a BPD relationship. Run for your life and do not look back. If you do return you are only setting yourself up for more hurt. Never underestimate the viciousness and callousness of one with any of the cluster "B" personality disorders. These people DO NOT CHANGE and they DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO CHANGE. Do not try to make them understand. They wont. Don't try to guilt them, they do not feel real guilt. Do not confront them or you will be told it is you who is crazy. Seriously these are some of the most dysfunctional people that I can think of and the only good relationship with a person such as this is none at all. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. Would you allow a friend to treat you as they have treated you? Do not harbor any secret fantasy that they will see the error of their ways and repent, this will never happen. Each time you return the bar is lowered and you will then accept even more bizarre and hurtful behavior then before. The more you return the LESS respect they have for you and the more they will abuse you BECAUSE THEY CAN BECAUSE YOU LET THEM. NC is brutal and perhaps one of the most difficult things that you may experience in life. Educate yourself. Morn for what was and begin envisioning and creating a life without the pwBPD in it. It may be difficult but day by day things will get better. Sorry for the terse reply but I just broke NC after 2 weeks and after a brief 5 day honeymoon phase the bad behavior was back with a vengeance. I needed to be sure of my perceptions and things are now crystallized in my mind. This person has a personality disorder and in any case I cannot be with them. I did not cause it and I cannot fix it. I wasted almost 4 years trying. Learn all that you can about the disorder and explore why you became involved with and remained in a relationship with someone so disturbed. Good luck my friend!

[rotiroti]

Hang in there! I am also approaching 3 weeks and I know how difficult it is.

Have you considered blocking him from FB? It's done wonders for me... .

[Invictus01]

You ex is mentally ill. These types of people operate in this manner. It is terrifying and disgusting to learn that there are predators walking among us such as this but the fact is monsters do exist and they look like anyone else on the street. Be happy that you have distanced yourself from this person. Stop taking what they do personally. Stop looking. They may seem happy with someone else but that is temporary. They will grow tired with time and soon it will be the new person who gets to experience the devaluation and  discarding stages of a BPD relationship. Run for your life and do not look back. If you do return you are only setting yourself up for more hurt. Never underestimate the viciousness and callousness of one with any of the cluster "B" personality disorders. These people DO NOT CHANGE and they DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO CHANGE. Do not try to make them understand. They wont. Don't try to guilt them, they do not feel real guilt. Do not confront them or you will be told it is you who is crazy. Seriously these are some of the most dysfunctional people that I can think of and the only good relationship with a person such as this is none at all. THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. Would you allow a friend to treat you as they have treated you? Do not harbor any secret fantasy that they will see the error of their ways and repent, this will never happen. Each time you return the bar is lowered and you will then accept even more bizarre and hurtful behavior then before. The more you return the LESS respect they have for you and the more they will abuse you BECAUSE THEY CAN BECAUSE YOU LET THEM. NC is brutal and perhaps one of the most difficult things that you may experience in life. Educate yourself. Morn for what was and begin envisioning and creating a life without the pwBPD in it. It may be difficult but day by day things will get better. Sorry for the terse reply but I just broke NC after 2 weeks and after a brief 5 day honeymoon phase the bad behavior was back with a vengeance. I needed to be sure of my perceptions and things are now crystallized in my mind. This person has a personality disorder and in any case I cannot be with them. I did not cause it and I cannot fix it. I wasted almost 4 years trying. Learn all that you can about the disorder and explore why you became involved with and remained in a relationship with someone so disturbed. Good luck my friend!

Pretty much spot on. All this splitting hair between which Cluster B disorder doesn't do really any good to the non. In the end, one way or another, you are screwed over.

[UserName69]

You need to stay strong. Like the other user said block him on FB so you don't have to deal with his bs anymore. Many people use FB as a tool to take revenge on their ex. Mine did the same, at the end she still wanted to be friends. That's not going to happen.

Instead you need to move on and focus on your future, he's gone and even if he gets back to you he'll be a different person. Things will be worse. I can say this because me and my exBPD broke up for 14 times in 6 months, every time we got back to each other she became worse.

The best thing you can do now is to block him from your life, get rid of everything which reminds you about the rs or him, remind all the bad things he did to you. IUf you start to miss him, remind the bad things again. I know this sounds weird but it's really helpful. Keep your self busy and before you know it you'll forget him. I have took all these steps and I don't miss my exBPD, I'm over her and I have found a new love.

Don't worry about his new partner, he isn't happy with her. From what I have learned about a rs with a BPD is that the entire rs is an illusion, it's fake, everything he says is a lie. Before me and my exBPD broke up we had a fight, she always wrote on FB how happy she was etc. Once when I saw her she looked so messed up, is this how you would describe happiness? I don't think so.

Whatever he tells you don't go back to him, you'll get hurt. I'm glad I decided to move on and forget completely about my exBPD. If I can move on you can too, it's hard but not impossible.