strong urge to search Facebook, OKCupid, YouTube, Google+, Twitter...

[MrTardyPresent]

Does anybody have the strong urge to search up their BPDex on Facebook, OKCupid, YouTube, Google+, Twitter etc? I have her blocked on every social media outlet and her phone number is blocked, but I still get that urge whenever I'm bored. I DON'T want to be with her (I left after she cheated 4 months ago. I went NC on April 9th.), but when I'm bored/overthinking I just get curious to see what she's up to, if she's with anybody new etc. I do my best to keep myself busy so I won't get bored, but there are times where I just can't help myself. I'm doing good so far. I even went as far as to getting a Google Chrome Extension called Block Site and I added all of her web addresses into it so that whenever I try to even type anything regarding her into a search bar it'll bock the site. I haven't checked up on her in 13 days. That's the longest I've went and I look forward to keeping it like that. Is anybody else struggling with this?

[chill1986]

Yes, I did for a while, actually until quite recently and saw her on tinder. It's not healthy, if you see them doing something it hurts, I saw her put up a load of pictures of events that we were supposed to go to and stuff of her house (mine too until she kicked me out), I felt sick looking at them so now I just don't look!

[Turkish]

I blocked my Ex 1.5 years ago. I recently deactivated my old account (where I had blocked her) on a matter unrelated to her.

I had another account, for the kids. I realized that I could see her account, so I looked. Bad idea. i felt ok at the time, then depression triggered. Bad idea.

[MrTardyPresent]

Jeez, that sounds devastating Chill. I saw some of the things she was doing, but it wasn't that bad. I still felt that sick feeling that you mentioned when I saw some of the things she was doing. The, "If you leave me I'm going to kill myself" bs came to mind. I check her FB and not a hair on her head was harmed.

Wow, that's crazy Turkish how you still got that depressing feeling even after 1.5 years. I know that depression feeling you're talking about. I would be feeling fine, then I would check her profile and BAM, instant depression for the next 1-2 days.

[chill1986]

It's heartbreaking mate, it's like she is playing a game and trying to hurt me. What's more she is wearing the clothes and jewellery I bought her. I just try and ignore it and not look. Her social media behaviour, whilst appearing happy, has been odd for her. It's not normal, I was checking what time she was coming online and what friends she had added, what she posted on Twitter etc now I just don't go on, out of sight out of mind!

[greenmonkey]

I am nearly 8 months very strict No Contact - initially I blocked her and her 'friends' on FB for my own privacy more than anything else.

About two months ago I unblocked them all just to see what they would do.

I have no interest in her or her life whatsoever,  I ended the relationship with a very clear head, changed the locks and threw her stuff out, after discovering a web of lies going back the whole time we were together. I know her whole FB is a concocted image of her as Mother of the Year, Victim, hard done by and I have no wish or desire to look at the web of lies she puts up there.

I do not google her, I am not on any online dating sites and the only place where she remains blocked is LinkedIn. Although my location is wrong - if she asks any of her friends to look me up I am 200 -200 odd miles from where I actually am.

I am 8 months down the line and have no feelings hate or love towards her. She was a blip in my life and I am getting me back after she nearly destroyed me.

She can look at my profile picture to her hearts content as I am not remotely interested in looking at hers.

[nihilo]

I kept looking at his, until about a month ago. He posted song lyrics in the public part of his bio, that I know were directly targeted at me.

It gave me mixed feelings... Relief, that he still thought of me... .Anger, because he insinuated through those lyrics, that I "wanted something new" - in reality, it was eroding my soul watching him drown in misery between his cycling. He can't understand how much I cared for him, so he projected his feelings of hatred and abandonment on me, when the decision to leave was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I did it for my sanity. If I were to stay, id probably over time become a shell of a human, due to the erosion of self esteem.

I haven't looked since. I know that since I evaded responding, hes going to get "louder" with his cuts at me. I dont know how id handle it if he posed with another woman in his avatar. I dont even want to think it.

[problemsolver]

I started checking up on social media rather frequently... .I guess it makes us feel good because deep down most of us can't reach/are too proud to reach out/don't see a need to... .It's nice to be able to still be in their life in a really "weird" way I suppose... .The things she posts kind of makes me happy in a sense... .She posts on twitter a lot about stress and headaches/ needing a massage... " worst headache ever" , "majorly stressed from today" , "so stressed praying things work out" and things like that... .not that I am happy these things are going on in her life but it's nice to see that I am no longer an excuse for her stress as when we "broke up" she said you cause me too much "stress", I am no longer an excuse... .It's not the only thing she posts about of course but it seems to be relativity frequent on twitter to post about stress or some type of negativity... .with that being said she does also post pictures of doing cool things but also posts the occasional "laying down selfie boobs popping up" or make up on dolled up... .looking good and inevitably you see guys comment  "" or talking to guys under her pictures... .So the cyber "searching" has its pros and cons... .I mainly do it because I'm one of the people who are "blocked" from communication nice to see what's going on I suppose... .not sure how healthy it is for me though ...