The exchange with my ex the other day...

[Depression = 72% of members]

So, while we were in NC, I suddenly realized that I developed allergies to seafood. Don't worry, you'll see how this is relevant here. I often gave my ex a certain degree of friendly crap for having seafood allergies and it was rather ironic that all the sudden I developed it myself. I often thought about her reaction if she ever found out and how much crap I'd be given. So, the other day since the whole thing is pretty new to me and I still kinda don't think about it, I had some seafood and had a bit of a reaction. That made me think of her and since we have been in LC over the last a couple of months, I was like "Hah, ok, let's see what she has to say about it" and texted her "Hey, just wanted to thank you for sharing your food allergies with me, I got them now too. Very nice of you *smiley face*" I expected to get something along the lines of "Serves you right for making fun of me" or "Now you know how I feel" back. Something like that. 15 minutes later I got a reply. If I asked 1,000 people to guess what the reply was, I bet nobody would guess. In fact, it was so unexpected, I first went "what the heck?" and then I almost started laughing.

What I got back, without even an acknowledgement of my text, was a picture of a pretty bad cut on her hand (she is a kitchen manager at her new job) which looked all sorts of swollen with a caption ":)on't cut yourself". First, I was like - "How does this relate to what I said?" and then it clicked in my head and I giggled a bit - "This is just perfect". Don't get me wrong, I wasn't laughing at the cut, it was pretty nasty. I was laughing at the whole presentation of it. Completely dismissing what I had to say, and just presenting that to me to get a healthy amount of pity. It happened 10 days ago and apparently now it was a good time to tell me about it Anyway, we exchanged a few texts, I made sure she was ok, I guess after she got enough attention she dropped the conversation.

If this happened a few months ago, I would probably so hurt that she didn't listen to me at all and that she dropped the conversation. Now... .I just smiled because... .well, I know what's up. But I bet a whole lot of her friends think she is just a self centered B because they have no idea what they are dealing with.

[Invictus01]

So, while we were in NC, I suddenly realized that I developed allergies to seafood. Don't worry, you'll see how this is relevant here. I often gave my ex a certain degree of friendly crap for having seafood allergies and it was rather ironic that all the sudden I developed it myself. I often thought about her reaction if she ever found out and how much crap I'd be given. So, the other day since the whole thing is pretty new to me and I still kinda don't think about it, I had some seafood and had a bit of a reaction. That made me think of her and since we have been in LC over the last a couple of months, I was like "Hah, ok, let's see what she has to say about it" and texted her "Hey, just wanted to thank you for sharing your food allergies with me, I got them now too. Very nice of you *smiley face*" I expected to get something along the lines of "Serves you right for making fun of me" or "Now you know how I feel" back. Something like that. 15 minutes later I got a reply. If I asked 1,000 people to guess what the reply was, I bet nobody would guess. In fact, it was so unexpected, I first went "what the heck?" and then I almost started laughing.

What I got back, without even an acknowledgement of my text, was a picture of a pretty bad cut on her hand (she is a kitchen manager at her new job) which looked all sorts of swollen with a caption ":)on't cut yourself". First, I was like - "How does this relate to what I said?" and then it clicked in my head and I giggled a bit - "This is just perfect". Don't get me wrong, I wasn't laughing at the cut, it was pretty nasty. I was laughing at the whole presentation of it. Completely dismissing what I had to say, and just presenting that to me to get a healthy amount of pity. It happened 10 days ago and apparently now it was a good time to tell me about it Anyway, we exchanged a few texts, I made sure she was ok, I guess after she got enough attention she dropped the conversation.

If this happened a few months ago, I would probably so hurt that she didn't listen to me at all and that she dropped the conversation. Now... .I just smiled because... .well, I know what's up. But I bet a whole lot of her friends think she is just a self centered B because they have no idea what they are dealing with.

[Skip]

I broke NC back in February, about 3 months after she left. Sent her a text and told her that I loved her and that until we are on the same level emotionally, there is no way I would be her "friend", I just couldn't do it to myself. She waited a few hours to reply, then replied with "I wish I felt the same about you, but as of right now, I don't.

I still want your friendship but I understand if it is all or nothing for you" I dropped it right there, went into NC again.

A couple of months ago after almost 2 months of additional NC, she texted me out of nowhere, telling me that she was moving much closer to me (before it was a long distance thing) and wanted to meet up. I have had very light contact with her the last a couple of months, she keeps on bringing up meeting up... .I am fairly certain if we ever agreed to meet up, she would flake on me.

You seem to be handling this well.  Would you describe this as LC and low tension and is it helping you detach from the initial wounds of the way things ended?

I sense disappointment in her response... .at her lack of empathy for your allergic reaction.

How has your image of her changed from when you were dating to now? Who was she before? Who is she now?

[Invictus01]

I broke NC back in February, about 3 months after she left. Sent her a text and told her that I loved her and that until we are on the same level emotionally, there is no way I would be her "friend", I just couldn't do it to myself. She waited a few hours to reply, then replied with "I wish I felt the same about you, but as of right now, I don't.

I still want your friendship but I understand if it is all or nothing for you" I dropped it right there, went into NC again.

A couple of months ago after almost 2 months of additional NC, she texted me out of nowhere, telling me that she was moving much closer to me (before it was a long distance thing) and wanted to meet up. I have had very light contact with her the last a couple of months, she keeps on bringing up meeting up... .I am fairly certain if we ever agreed to meet up, she would flake on me.

You seem to be handling this well.  Would you describe this as LC and low tension and is it helping you detach from the initial wounds of the way things ended?

I sense disappointment in her response... .at her lack of empathy for your allergic reaction.

How has your image of her changed from when you were dating to now? Who was she before? Who is she now?

Everything ended the middle of November. I got the "Merry Xmas" message from her Xmas day. It almost made me puke seeing it, literally, I almost physically became ill. I didn't respond. I texted her in the end of February saying that I loved her and until that changes, there is no chance in hell I will be her friend. She replied saying that she really wanted my friendship even though I just told her it wasn't happening. I dropped it right there. She texted me about a month and a half later, saying that she was moving in the city I used to live in. We have stayed in touch since then, exchanging texts here and there.

I wasn't really looking for empathy when I texted her. I just found it rather ironic and comical that after all the crap I gave her about it, tada, a year or so later, I am dealing with the same stuff. I figured she'd enjoy this bit of info. We have always had this light-hearted sarcastic mutual crap giving going. Her response though really made me smile. It reminded me of a kid bringing a toy to the playground and another kid jumping out with his own toy and going "I don't care what your toy does, mine is bigger and better!" It is very rare that when you start a conversation with somebody, in so many words, you are told "I really don't give a crap what you got to say about yourself, let's talk about me instead. NOW!"

Her image... .It really really felt like I just run into that "one in a billion" fairy tale love story last year. There were no arguments, no disagreements, no fights, no verbal or physical abuse, I was going by what I was seeing in her - a young career oriented mid 20s girl who was pretty successful for her age and wanted to go even higher. It wasn't love bombing or anything like that that drew me to her, frankly, I have heard all that stuff before many many times. I mean, sure, she seemed to be a bit self absorbed and my friends were gently pointing out that. But it was easy to write it off to a mid 20s kid hanging out with people 10-15 years older than she is, all are pretty successful in their own careers. Of course she was trying to fit in... .or so I thought... .

Now... .I am fairly certain, that at the very most, even if we stay in touch, eventually, we will be very very distant acquaintances, that's about it. Don't get me wrong, she is still a young career oriented mid 20s girl who is pretty successful for her age. There is no denying that. It is extremely attractive to me, I find it sexy. But even if she wanted it, I just don't think I have it in me to give her another shot at completely destroying me like she did back in November. I seriously don't think I can live through what I went through back in November-December. I don't hold a grudge, I am not mad, I don't hold grudges for long, I have forgiven. I just need to protect myself. And, besides, my friends were right - she IS really self absorbed, narcissistic would come to mind... .In these last a couple of months we have been in touch, pretty much the only time there was any lengthy exchange, it was when we talked about her. If I wanted to end the conversation, I needed to bring up something about myself. That was the end of the conversation. That's the person who is telling me how much she values my friendship... .apparently, as long as the friendship revolves around her. That's one hell of a friendship right there