Classic BPD from what I see.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone,

My therapist said for me to come on here and boy was he right about her.

Some of things I experienced:

1. Put me on pedestal.  Said I didn't exist.  I would get embarrassed at times from what she texted.

2. Sent me quotes about how 'love' had finally arrived.

3. Was in a marriage where they broke up and made up constantly.

4. Told me she could not remember us being intimate.

5. Told me not to leave her.  Said she would go anywhere with me.  Said she felt secure with me.

6. Had explosive outburst with her mother out of nowhere.

7. Moody, had to walk on egg shells around her.

8. Had several friends and family members she would no longer talk to.  It was all their fault.

9. One day, out of nowhere, said she didn't want a commitment.

10. Two months later sent me an email about how much it hurt that I broke it off.  Excuse me, you said you didn't want anything serious or commitment anymore.  It was her decision, yet she started blaming me and saying how I didn't understand.

I could not understand this.  She said I was the best thing since sliced bread and she was "SO" in love with me and I was so great, yada, yada, yada.  I thought, if I'm all that, how can she all of a sudden not want me.  Makes no sense.  I remember thinking to myself that something is not right with her.  I just didn't know what it was.

I noticed that after 2 months of knowing each other, she started changing.  The fact that she could not remember us being intimate and that she wanted to 'get to know me' again really seemed strange to me.

When I started reading the things people with BPD do, it felt like I was reading about her.

Luckily for me, once she said she didn't want a commitment, I stood my ground and didn't see her anymore.  It's been difficult getting her out of my mind, but I think the clouds are lifting.

I feel sorry for the next guy.  Hopefully she gets help before then but I doubt it as she was seeing someone before I met her, then she stopped during our short relationship.

Thanks for reading and good luck to everyone out there dealing with someone that has this disorder.

[thelightison]

Hello everyone,

My therapist said for me to come on here and boy was he right about her.

Some of things I experienced:

1. Put me on pedestal.  Said I didn't exist.  I would get embarrassed at times from what she texted.

2. Sent me quotes about how 'love' had finally arrived.

3. Was in a marriage where they broke up and made up constantly.

4. Told me she could not remember us being intimate.

5. Told me not to leave her.  Said she would go anywhere with me.  Said she felt secure with me.

6. Had explosive outburst with her mother out of nowhere.

7. Moody, had to walk on egg shells around her.

8. Had several friends and family members she would no longer talk to.  It was all their fault.

9. One day, out of nowhere, said she didn't want a commitment.

10. Two months later sent me an email about how much it hurt that I broke it off.  Excuse me, you said you didn't want anything serious or commitment anymore.  It was her decision, yet she started blaming me and saying how I didn't understand.

I could not understand this.  She said I was the best thing since sliced bread and she was "SO" in love with me and I was so great, yada, yada, yada.  I thought, if I'm all that, how can she all of a sudden not want me.  Makes no sense.  I remember thinking to myself that something is not right with her.  I just didn't know what it was.

I noticed that after 2 months of knowing each other, she started changing.  The fact that she could not remember us being intimate and that she wanted to 'get to know me' again really seemed strange to me.

When I started reading the things people with BPD do, it felt like I was reading about her.

Luckily for me, once she said she didn't want a commitment, I stood my ground and didn't see her anymore.  It's been difficult getting her out of my mind, but I think the clouds are lifting.

I feel sorry for the next guy.  Hopefully she gets help before then but I doubt it as she was seeing someone before I met her, then she stopped during our short relationship.

Thanks for reading and good luck to everyone out there dealing with someone that has this disorder.

[SummerStorm]

I can relate to #s 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, and 9 on your list. 

Like you, I remember thinking, "Something is off.  If she wants to be with me, why can't she just be with me?  How can she tell me one day that she wants to marry me and then tell me a few days later that I'm too clingy?" 

I've always prided myself on having my head on straight and for being a very cautious and logical person, but this whole situation completely threw me off.   

[thelightison]

Oh yeah, forgot about the "I am going to marry you."

This was one heck of a lesson.

[SummerStorm]

Oh yeah, forgot about the "I am going to marry you."

This was one heck of a lesson.

Mine was sending me articles about weddings and asking me questions that started with, "When we're married... ."

And all of this went down when we weren't even a couple yet.  What in the hell was I thinking?

[Eightwonders]

Two months, huh? I was fooled for longer than that. Probably double that amount of time. I saw my first red flag probably about 4 months into our relationship and I thought the same thing... .Something was so, different about the way he thought. The first time it happened I really thought there was no way he could have thought that way, and I brushed it off, thinking he was just having a bad day. Boy, I should have listened to that red flag  I don't understand how he hid everything from me for that long, and now it is a daily occurrence as to him being full blown BPD.

[SummerStorm]

Two months, huh? I was fooled for longer than that. Probably double that amount of time. I saw my first red flag probably about 4 months into our relationship and I thought the same thing... .Something was so, different about the way he thought. The first time it happened I really thought there was no way he could have thought that way, and I brushed it off, thinking he was just having a bad day. Boy, I should have listened to that red flag  I don't understand how he hid everything from me for that long, and now it is a daily occurrence as to him being full blown BPD.

I've read stories of people being fooled for a year or more.  I think it all depends on how the relationship goes.  Mine feared abandonment in her relationship with her boyfriend, so she pushed and decided she would leave before he left her.  She didn't have anywhere else to live, so she attached herself to me and decided she wanted to live with me.  We looked at houses, and her fear of engulfment set in.  But before that, when we were just friends, there were a lot of red flags that didn't seem that serious.  Really, they seemed to be more associated with the fact that she's still young (22) and had just graduated from college.  I knew she suffered from depression and that she had a pretty awful past, but I didn't see any raging or anything from her. 

I knew her for five months prior to us becoming friends, and for the first few months of our friendship, nothing seemed off.  She seemed pretty shy and insecure, but she really opened up when we talked.  We shared funny stories about work, discussed TV shows that we both watched, and just had a fun time hanging out.  The first major red flags came about two months in, when she started flirting with me while still in a relationship and also told me that she was cutting.  The huge red flags came about three or four months in, when she tried to end our friendship for no reason, then started cheating on her boyfriend with me, and later started raging at me for no reason.  Her substance abuse came to light about four months in, and her suicide attempt came not long after that. 

Her life has always been chaos, but I don't think the relationships she's had in the past few years triggered fears of abandonment and engulfment like the one she has with her boyfriend and the one she had with me.  Basically, everything just exploded at once, after a pretty steady buildup.  It was like being in a car and realizing that your brakes have stopped working right as you approach a hill.  It seems to be the same thing that happened to her four years ago.  She sort of coasts along, leaving a trail of disaster in her wake, but keeping control, for the most part.  Then, something happens, and she spins out of control very rapidly.