Hi Leo313,
Welcome aboard.
The behaviors of a person with BPD (pwBPD) can be really difficult to cope with. I can completely understand how frustrating it is. It can really take a toll on you at times.
Lexapro is a SSRI (type of anti depressant) that can take a few weeks to have an affect. Anti depressants do not fix or cure personality disorders, but can help curb symptoms that are common to the disorder, such as depression. People with BPD are highly sensitive to emotions and have a propensity for high negative affect (negative emotions like sadness). A combination of inherited impulsivity issues, biological/genetic vulnerabilities, and an invalidating childhood environment, can lead to a susceptibility for emotional vulnerability. Those who are emotionally vulnerable are unable to regulate and control their emotions. When emotions, emotional stimuli, and situational stressors are too intense a pwBPD will dysregulate. As a way of thwarting the painful emotions, pwBPD will engage in maladaptive coping to assuage the pain. Ultimately, it is a means of survival for a pwBPD to avoid depression or painful feelings. Impulsive behaviors, such as taking off a wedding ring when upset and frequently changing jobs are really common.
Conversely, there are times when a pwBPD will over control or suppress their emotions. When that happens they can appear to be cold and indifferent. It is a similar process as the under control emotions.
Due to the hypersensitivity of a pwBPD, they are very sensitive to criticism. Underneath the adult exterior, there is an individual who is full of shame and low self worth.
The motto on the staying board is "before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse." Before I started abiding by this motto, I added to the dysfunction. I was so frustrated by my pwBPD's behavior, I would end up feeling angry and engaging in arguments. He was constantly blaming me for all of his problems and I eagerly accepted responsibility. I ended up become even more angry and frustrated with him, but not saying what I truly felt, wanted, or needed. Communication techniques have helped considerably. It really is possible to have a conversation where you can discuss difficult things without an argument ensuing. The lessons on the right side of this page will help you get started.
