A Quick question based on others experience

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am officially 8 months NC with my ex after I was blocked out the blue as well as being discarded for my replacement, I am fully aware of my experience with her Borderline abandonment triggers, the way she pushed me away, lied flirted openly with my replacement, feelings of suicide and talk about anti depressants.  It has recently come to my attention that after exactly a year into her new relationship, she has been triggered again and his pushing the new guy away through the anxiety and fear of being discarded first.  My question is this:

When a Borderline is triggered and experiencing such emotions do they only go away once the new guy has been pushed away indefinitely or can such extreme emotions fade over a few days/ weeks?  does the depression/ anxiety fade overtime, or does it only go when the person has been discarded?

I would really appreciate other peoples insight/ experiences regarding what happens when a Borderline is triggered.


Thank you         

[jammo1989]

I am officially 8 months NC with my ex after I was blocked out the blue as well as being discarded for my replacement, I am fully aware of my experience with her Borderline abandonment triggers, the way she pushed me away, lied flirted openly with my replacement, feelings of suicide and talk about anti depressants.  It has recently come to my attention that after exactly a year into her new relationship, she has been triggered again and his pushing the new guy away through the anxiety and fear of being discarded first.  My question is this:

When a Borderline is triggered and experiencing such emotions do they only go away once the new guy has been pushed away indefinitely or can such extreme emotions fade over a few days/ weeks?  does the depression/ anxiety fade overtime, or does it only go when the person has been discarded?

I would really appreciate other peoples insight/ experiences regarding what happens when a Borderline is triggered.


Thank you         

[fromheeltoheal]

Everyone becomes triggered and experiences strong emotions once in a while, it's not unique to borderlines, and like borderlines, we all use tools to cope, coping mechanisms, completely removing someone from your life being an extreme one.  And if that doesn't completely work, use another tool, there are many.

Curious why you asked the question jammo; now that the guy is apparently being pushed away, has it rekindled hope for you?

[jammo1989]

Everyone becomes triggered and experiences strong emotions once in a while, it's not unique to borderlines, and like borderlines, we all use tools to cope, coping mechanisms, completely removing someone from your life being an extreme one.  And if that doesn't completely work, use another tool, there are many.

Curious why you asked the question jammo; now that the guy is apparently being pushed away, has it rekindled hope for you?

Hey Heels, as you know ive been hovering and posting for just under a year, the feelings and emotions that attached me once are no longer present, but I heard from a mutual friend about my exes depression coming back, and so I thought id check (doesn't affect me anymore) and they have recently broken up due to her pushing him away with extreme jealousy, anxiety through abandonment fear and of course the depression, there is a baby involved thats only 1 month old, hes moved out the lot, the reason why I asked was because, it reminded me of when I experienced the push/pull discard, and to this day ive always thought ":)id I handle the situation in the right way? and after hearing about this information its made me realize once they are triggered there is nothing you can do to bring them around, and although I have no emotions or attachment towards my ex I am finally happy knowing that it was in fact not me that caused the problems in the relationship.           

[fromheeltoheal]

Everyone becomes triggered and experiences strong emotions once in a while, it's not unique to borderlines, and like borderlines, we all use tools to cope, coping mechanisms, completely removing someone from your life being an extreme one.  And if that doesn't completely work, use another tool, there are many.

Curious why you asked the question jammo; now that the guy is apparently being pushed away, has it rekindled hope for you?

Hey Heels, as you know ive been hovering and posting for just under a year, the feelings and emotions that attached me once are no longer present, but I heard from a mutual friend about my exes depression coming back, and so I thought id check (doesn't affect me anymore) and they have recently broken up due to her pushing him away with extreme jealousy, anxiety through abandonment fear and of course the depression, there is a baby involved thats only 1 month old, hes moved out the lot, the reason why I asked was because, it reminded me of when I experienced the push/pull discard, and to this day ive always thought ":)id I handle the situation in the right way? and after hearing about this information its made me realize once they are triggered there is nothing you can do to bring them around, and although I have no emotions or attachment towards my ex I am finally happy knowing that it was in fact not me that caused the problems in the relationship.           

Good for you jammo!  And it was you who triggered her then, we were all the soother at first and then became the trigger, and it's this guy's turn now.  You did not cause the problem but you were the trigger for it at the time, and it is refreshing to hear someone else did the same thing and it was unavoidable.

[jammo1989]

Everyone becomes triggered and experiences strong emotions once in a while, it's not unique to borderlines, and like borderlines, we all use tools to cope, coping mechanisms, completely removing someone from your life being an extreme one.  And if that doesn't completely work, use another tool, there are many.

Curious why you asked the question jammo; now that the guy is apparently being pushed away, has it rekindled hope for you?

Hey Heels, as you know ive been hovering and posting for just under a year, the feelings and emotions that attached me once are no longer present, but I heard from a mutual friend about my exes depression coming back, and so I thought id check (doesn't affect me anymore) and they have recently broken up due to her pushing him away with extreme jealousy, anxiety through abandonment fear and of course the depression, there is a baby involved thats only 1 month old, hes moved out the lot, the reason why I asked was because, it reminded me of when I experienced the push/pull discard, and to this day ive always thought ":)id I handle the situation in the right way? and after hearing about this information its made me realize once they are triggered there is nothing you can do to bring them around, and although I have no emotions or attachment towards my ex I am finally happy knowing that it was in fact not me that caused the problems in the relationship.           

Good for you jammo!  And it was you who triggered her then, we were all the soother at first and then became the trigger, and it's this guy's turn now.  You did not cause the problem but you were the trigger for it at the time, and it is refreshing to hear someone else did the same thing and it was unavoidable.

It feels good Heels, not in a sadistic way, but good to know that history does in fact repeat itself, and if anyone is reading this in the mourning phase, please dont fall into co-dependence or exert jealousy, because history will repeat itself, we ALL dodged a bullet and there will come a time when the evidence of that will be right in front of you, untill then stay positive.     

[apollotech]

... .I am finally happy knowing that it was in fact not me that caused the problems in the relationship.

Congrats jammo! That's a good example of how acceptance frees the Non.

[SGraham]

Good for you jammo!  And it was you who triggered her then, we were all the soother at first and then became the trigger, and it's this guy's turn now.  You did not cause the problem but you were the trigger for it at the time, and it is refreshing to hear someone else did the same thing and it was unavoidable.

I don't know, for some reason i've never really gained any solace from knowing that me becoming a trigger was inevitable. I think no matter how much others tell me it is inevitable i always convince myself that i brought it on sooner because of my anxiety and seriousness.

[fromheeltoheal]

Good for you jammo!  And it was you who triggered her then, we were all the soother at first and then became the trigger, and it's this guy's turn now.  You did not cause the problem but you were the trigger for it at the time, and it is refreshing to hear someone else did the same thing and it was unavoidable.

I don't know, for some reason i've never really gained any solace from knowing that me becoming a trigger was inevitable. I think no matter how much others tell me it is inevitable i always convince myself that i brought it on sooner because of my anxiety and seriousness.

Where you yourself in the relationship SG?  If you were who you are and it didn't work, then could you say you were just incompatible?  And if you could have delayed her being triggered by being someone you're not, would that have been better?  If you were incompatible, isn't ending it sooner a good thing?

[SGraham]

Good for you jammo!  And it was you who triggered her then, we were all the soother at first and then became the trigger, and it's this guy's turn now.  You did not cause the problem but you were the trigger for it at the time, and it is refreshing to hear someone else did the same thing and it was unavoidable.

I don't know, for some reason i've never really gained any solace from knowing that me becoming a trigger was inevitable. I think no matter how much others tell me it is inevitable i always convince myself that i brought it on sooner because of my anxiety and seriousness.

Where you yourself in the relationship SG?  If you were who you are and it didn't work, then could you say you were just incompatible?  And if you could have delayed her being triggered by being someone you're not, would that have been better?  If you were incompatible, isn't ending it sooner a good thing?

No we were super compatible, like we never had an argument. If anything i think thats the problem i think i got to close to her. I guess i feel guilty because in the end my anxiety made me more serious and woried than what is representative of my normal self and i feel like that triggered engulfment fears. So im kinda thinkng, well if i could have had a better hold on my enxiety maybe it wouldnt have fallen apart

[fromheeltoheal]

Good for you jammo!  And it was you who triggered her then, we were all the soother at first and then became the trigger, and it's this guy's turn now.  You did not cause the problem but you were the trigger for it at the time, and it is refreshing to hear someone else did the same thing and it was unavoidable.

I don't know, for some reason i've never really gained any solace from knowing that me becoming a trigger was inevitable. I think no matter how much others tell me it is inevitable i always convince myself that i brought it on sooner because of my anxiety and seriousness.

Where you yourself in the relationship SG?  If you were who you are and it didn't work, then could you say you were just incompatible?  And if you could have delayed her being triggered by being someone you're not, would that have been better?  If you were incompatible, isn't ending it sooner a good thing?

No we were super compatible, like we never had an argument. If anything i think thats the problem i think i got to close to her. I guess i feel guilty because in the end my anxiety made me more serious and woried than what is representative of my normal self and i feel like that triggered engulfment fears. So im kinda thinkng, well if i could have had a better hold on my enxiety maybe it wouldnt have fallen apart

I was extra anxious around my ex the longer I stayed with her; the unpredictability and chaos were just too much, which to me was straight up incompatibility.  Were you more anxious around her than you are in general?  Could it have been the disorder?

[apollotech]

I guess i feel guilty because in the end my anxiety made me more serious and woried than what is representative of my normal self and i feel like that triggered engulfment fears.

SG,

Those "engulfment fears" were/are a part of her disorder. As the relationship emotionally deepened, regardless of the time frame, at some point the engulfment was going to be triggered. That was based on her emotional attachment to you. You don't have ownership of her emotions. So, a less anxious and less serious SG would have gotten the same results.

[SGraham]

Well i have moderate anxiety but before i was with my ex i felt like i had kinda beat it back. My ex's push pull behaviour brought my anxiety back and stronger than ever. I dont know if i would say i was obnoxious, but i definitely was less relaxed. I held it in well in the beginning but towards the end i found myself becoming much more anxious and alarmist than before. I think what really did it was, on my b day she said some kinda off hand suicidal things and because my anxiety was already killing me, i dont think i handled it well. I was kinda like, i care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff. I think it was just too serious for her and her engulfment fears kicked in and thats when she started to push me away.

[SGraham]

I guess i feel guilty because in the end my anxiety made me more serious and woried than what is representative of my normal self and i feel like that triggered engulfment fears.

SG,

Those "engulfment fears" were/are a part of her disorder. As the relationship emotionally deepened, regardless of the time frame, at some point the engulfment was going to be triggered. That was based on her emotional attachment to you. You don't have ownership of her emotions. So, a less anxious and less serious SG would have gotten the same results.

Thanks apollotech, i think every once in awhile i need someone to smack me upside the head and tell me i couldn't have done anything else. I definitely teared up a bit reading this, any relief from guilt is welcome.

[apollotech]

... .I care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff. I think it was just too serious for her and her engulfment fears kicked in and thats when she started to push me away.

SG,

You are looking at this the wrong way. You are trying to bend "healthy" and "normal" into some gross form to fit her dysfunction. When it can't be done, you're taking responsibility for it. Look at what you wrote (brown text). Those are desirable and healthy attributes in a normal, healthy relationship. Because of her dysfunction (engulfment) she can't deal with them (blue text). The problem is not in what you said; the problem is in her, her disorder. See the difference? Again, you don't have ownership there. The only way for engulfment to not become an issue was for her to never form a deep emotional attachment with you. Well, in my way of thinking, that takes the possibility of an "emotional relationship" right off of the table. Wanting an "emotional relationship" with someone you love is normal. Because someone can't handle that doesn't make the "wanting" abnormal.

[SGraham]

... .I care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff. I think it was just too serious for her and her engulfment fears kicked in and thats when she started to push me away.

SG,

You are looking at this the wrong way. You are trying to bend "healthy" and "normal" into some gross form to fit her dysfunction. When it can't be done, you're taking responsibility for it. Look at what you wrote (brown text). Those are desirable and healthy attributes in a normal, healthy relationship. Because of her dysfunction (engulfment) she can't deal with them (blue text). The problem is not in what you said; the problem is in her, her disorder. See the difference? Again, you don't have ownership there. The only way for engulfment to not become an issue was for her to never form a deep emotional attachment with you. Well, in my way of thinking, that takes the possibility of an "emotional relationship" right off of the table. Wanting an "emotional relationship" with someone you love is normal. Because someone can't handle that doesn't make the "wanting" abnormal.

Yeah that does make sense apollotech, thank you again. I guess i just got into that mindset where i was willing to ignore healthy relationship needs in order to prolong the inevitable. God, its just so hard to think about it objectively on the inside.

[Targeted]

Hi Jammo, from FHTH, kind of nice and kind of sad to see for familiar people here after all this time, I hope you are all are doing well. My take on your question through my experiences would have to be this but it is only my opinion, The abandonment fears to them are never really realised because they are in denial about it and it comes through as rage, hatred, and most of all anxiety which is a major part of the disorder. I'm sure most of us Felt bad for our actors while we were in a relationship because they had anxiety, but denial of the abandonment fears that bring on their anxiety being the root of the problem is what keeps them in this vicious cycle, it may be only my opinion but I do not believe they feel the fear of abandonment as we perceive it to be, I don't think they are aware of it and that's why they cannot fix it. My ex totally denied having abandonment fears and blamed everything on anxiety. These feelings that they do not even know what is going on dissipate when they self soothe for the anxiety which is why they never get to the root of the problem, and we know how they self soothe, when their anxiety is gone they are okay again but the abandonment you're never goes away because they do not even know it's there. Phone call to a former lover masked as just to see how they are doing is just self soothing for their own anxiety and not really about the other partner at all, promiscuous sex is self soothing, jumping right into a new relationship is nothing more then self soothing. That is why they keep failing creating more of Andaman years masked as anxiety.  How long it takes for those feelings to go away?  I guess that would depend on the amount of supply they have? But I think the real answer is never. At least not until they come out of denial and do a lot of work on their own inner triangle!

[fromheeltoheal]

... .I care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff. I think it was just too serious for her and her engulfment fears kicked in and thats when she started to push me away.

SG,

You are looking at this the wrong way. You are trying to bend "healthy" and "normal" into some gross form to fit her dysfunction. When it can't be done, you're taking responsibility for it. Look at what you wrote (brown text). Those are desirable and healthy attributes in a normal, healthy relationship. Because of her dysfunction (engulfment) she can't deal with them (blue text). The problem is not in what you said; the problem is in her, her disorder. See the difference? Again, you don't have ownership there. The only way for engulfment to not become an issue was for her to never form a deep emotional attachment with you. Well, in my way of thinking, that takes the possibility of an "emotional relationship" right off of the table. Wanting an "emotional relationship" with someone you love is normal. Because someone can't handle that doesn't make the "wanting" abnormal.

Yeah that does make sense apollotech, thank you again. I guess i just got into that mindset where i was willing to ignore healthy relationship needs in order to prolong the inevitable. God, its just so hard to think about it objectively on the inside.

I was kinda like, i care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff.

Hey SG-

Consider the strong possibility that if she really did talk to you about what was really going on with her, if she took off the mask and let you see who she really is, you'd leave, you'd abandon her, because you would see how worthless she's convinced she really is and how ashamed of it she is, and abandonment is the worst thing that can happen for a borderline.  So screw that, emotions are too strong, maybe I'll kill myself, her thoughts went.  So tell me if you agree that someone with that mindset would never be someone you'd want to be in a relationship with, and you can't fix it, and although it hurts, ending it sooner rather than later was the right thing for you.

[SGraham]

... .I care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff. I think it was just too serious for her and her engulfment fears kicked in and thats when she started to push me away.

SG,

You are looking at this the wrong way. You are trying to bend "healthy" and "normal" into some gross form to fit her dysfunction. When it can't be done, you're taking responsibility for it. Look at what you wrote (brown text). Those are desirable and healthy attributes in a normal, healthy relationship. Because of her dysfunction (engulfment) she can't deal with them (blue text). The problem is not in what you said; the problem is in her, her disorder. See the difference? Again, you don't have ownership there. The only way for engulfment to not become an issue was for her to never form a deep emotional attachment with you. Well, in my way of thinking, that takes the possibility of an "emotional relationship" right off of the table. Wanting an "emotional relationship" with someone you love is normal. Because someone can't handle that doesn't make the "wanting" abnormal.

Yeah that does make sense apollotech, thank you again. I guess i just got into that mindset where i was willing to ignore healthy relationship needs in order to prolong the inevitable. God, its just so hard to think about it objectively on the inside.

I was kinda like, i care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff.

Hey SG-

Consider the strong possibility that if she really did talk to you about what was really going on with her, if she took off the mask and let you see who she really is, you'd leave, you'd abandon her, because you would see how worthless she's convinced she really is and how ashamed of it she is, and abandonment is the worst thing that can happen for a borderline.  So screw that, emotions are too strong, maybe I'll kill myself, her thoughts went.  So tell me if you agree that someone with that mindset would never be someone you'd want to be in a relationship with, and you can't fix it, and although it hurts, ending it sooner rather than later was the right thing for you.

Well i think that's the point, i've seen how worthless she thinks she is and it kills me. It kills me because she's such a beautiful and unique person yet she will push anyone away that tries to show her that. 

[FannyB]

Hi Jammo, from FHTH, kind of nice and kind of sad to see for familiar people here after all this time, I hope you are all are doing well. My take on your question through my experiences would have to be this but it is only my opinion, The abandonment fears to them are never really realised because they are in denial about it and it comes through as rage, hatred, and most of all anxiety which is a major part of the disorder. I'm sure most of us Felt bad for our actors while we were in a relationship because they had anxiety, but denial of the abandonment fears that bring on their anxiety being the root of the problem is what keeps them in this vicious cycle, it may be only my opinion but I do not believe they feel the fear of abandonment as we perceive it to be, I don't think they are aware of it and that's why they cannot fix it. My ex totally denied having abandonment fears and blamed everything on anxiety. These feelings that they do not even know what is going on dissipate when they self soothe for the anxiety which is why they never get to the root of the problem, and we know how they self soothe, when their anxiety is gone they are okay again but the abandonment you're never goes away because they do not even know it's there. Phone call to a former lover masked as just to see how they are doing is just self soothing for their own anxiety and not really about the other partner at all, promiscuous sex is self soothing, jumping right into a new relationship is nothing more then self soothing. That is why they keep failing creating more of Andaman years masked as anxiety.  How long it takes for those feelings to go away?  I guess that would depend on the amount of supply they have? But I think the real answer is never. At least not until they come out of denial and do a lot of work on their own inner triangle!

Hi Targeted. This is a interesting take on things. Did your ex ever have professional treatment for her anxiety issues - or did she always self-soothe?

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Jammo, from FHTH, kind of nice and kind of sad to see for familiar people here after all this time, I hope you are all are doing well. My take on your question through my experiences would have to be this but it is only my opinion, The abandonment fears to them are never really realised because they are in denial about it and it comes through as rage, hatred, and most of all anxiety which is a major part of the disorder. I'm sure most of us Felt bad for our actors while we were in a relationship because they had anxiety, but denial of the abandonment fears that bring on their anxiety being the root of the problem is what keeps them in this vicious cycle, it may be only my opinion but I do not believe they feel the fear of abandonment as we perceive it to be, I don't think they are aware of it and that's why they cannot fix it. My ex totally denied having abandonment fears and blamed everything on anxiety. These feelings that they do not even know what is going on dissipate when they self soothe for the anxiety which is why they never get to the root of the problem, and we know how they self soothe, when their anxiety is gone they are okay again but the abandonment you're never goes away because they do not even know it's there. Phone call to a former lover masked as just to see how they are doing is just self soothing for their own anxiety and not really about the other partner at all, promiscuous sex is self soothing, jumping right into a new relationship is nothing more then self soothing. That is why they keep failing creating more of Andaman years masked as anxiety.  How long it takes for those feelings to go away?  I guess that would depend on the amount of supply they have? But I think the real answer is never. At least not until they come out of denial and do a lot of work on their own inner triangle!

Yes, good point Targeted, the regular order of development becomes disordered at such a young age that it gets hardwired into the personality and doesn't show up as a conscious thought but as an emotion, a strong one, which motivates the use of coping tools, soothers.  And since it happened so early, before cognitive thought was possible, coming out of denial wouldn't do it, because it's not a suppression of a thought or belief.  Later in life though, once a borderline has been left many, many times, it becomes expected, everyone leaves and it feels bad, and the underlying shame makes it impossible to take responsibility for it; my ex relied on the belief that "people are ugly" to deal with it, projection as soother.

[jhkbuzz]

Well i have moderate anxiety but before i was with my ex i felt like i had kinda beat it back. My ex's push pull behaviour brought my anxiety back and stronger than ever. I dont know if i would say i was obnoxious, but i definitely was less relaxed. I held it in well in the beginning but towards the end i found myself becoming much more anxious and alarmist than before. I think what really did it was, on my b day she said some kinda off hand suicidal things and because my anxiety was already killing me, i dont think i handled it well. I was kinda like, i care about you so much, you're not a burden to me, you can always talk to me, you dont need to put on a mask to be around me, that sort of stuff. I think it was just too serious for her and her engulfment fears kicked in and thats when she started to push me away.

That was a gentle and kind response - a NORMAL response - as a reaction to her suicidal remarks. Don't beat yourself up for being kind.

[Targeted]

FannyB, when I met my ex she told me she had anxiety, and PTSD from being raped. This initially make me feel bad for her and love her even more, she has a medication for anxiety all of the years that I have known her she never really spoke about getting serious treatment. All I know was she went to couples counselling with one of her exes before we got together. She told me she has done a lot of work on herself in therapy in the past which I think they all trick themselves into believing that they did. she told me that she saw a psychiatrist younger age Who also told her she was codependent. Because they lie so well and omit so much for fear of being rejected or thought of as being bad or having a real problem I could see how that would happen. But that was also roughly 30 years ago, so being told that you are codependent when you actually have traits of a borderline must have been amazing source of supply! Specially When all you took from knowing about codependency is they are givers that give too much of themselves and all of the other accentuated positives. In my opinion this gave my ex the wrong impression of her emotionality and made her feel entitled to a great relationship. Therefore real therapy on herself was not needed and as long as she takes her anxiety medication she is fine. Any help I have ever heard about what is just couples counselling, I tried this with her more than once. When we went the first time it was very short lived, it was basically just pointing out all my faults as she sees them. If you drink a few beers that makes you an alcoholic and you can not be good in a relationship, I was also told about how alcoholics tend to be liars and cheaters! If you apply the cluster B traits to that situation you will see textbook how she magnifies one of my faults and projects Hers on to me because she successfully made me the bad one. She was actually the liar and cheater, all I did was have a few beers while doing all of the daily chores she never took part in. After this counsellor was made aware of everything I have really done for the relationship he questioned her on her behaviour and then she stopped me from going with her. She went back for a couple more weeks to do damage control and quit, told me that the counsellor said she should never speak to me again because I am bad.  After being broken up for roughly 9 months she wanted to try again and I said not without therapist, I made her pick up a psychotherapist and make it appointment, my goal is to expose some of the traits without looking for a label, The first few meetings once again were all about me, but I kind of guessed this guy was figuring her out, she went on and on in the beginning of our last meeting on how I am a dog, I am always staring at other women, I am always hunting, this is when I exposed her morbid jealousy!  I stood up for myself and told the therapist that we even got into an argument on the way there because there was a female walking on the sidewalk and I was accused of looking at her, I told him this happens with any female, I cannot even go to the store and buy groceries without this argument about the cashier, cannot even walk past another female in a isle in a store, magazine racks?- forget it! You better not even glance! told him how she would even physically check me for erections if a female came on TV if we were watching a movie together! She would also do this in restaurants if it was a waitress instead of a waiter. I also told him Maybe one of the reasons she thinks I am always hunting is because she is on more then four dating sites and has no female friends.

Once again She was questioned on her behaviour and this therapist was done after another damage control session or two. So NO, my educated guess would have to be she has never really done any work on herself.

[Targeted]

Never once in counseling or therapy did she even mention anxiety or ptsd or anorexia. In a postbreakup argument we recently and she did tell me that years ago when she went to the psychologist he also told her she has a adjustment disorder!

I don't think she has ever been honest with herself never mind therapist.

[FannyB]

Targeted

Thanks for the insight. My ex has  just been diagnosed with GAD and seems happy with that label. I am sure they will try and lessen her anxiety so that she can return to work but the source of the anxiety (the BPD) will be conveniently hidden from the therapist, no doubt. There is much less stigma in being labelled 'anxious' than 'borderline' IMO.


Fanny

[Targeted]

In a lot of the reading that I have done it seems as though The majority of therapists can recognise a cluster B disorder but when it comes to borderline there are not many there are skilled enough in order to deal with it or simply just do not want to because it is a feudal attempt. So here is your GAD diagnosis and here are your pills.  Have a nice day.

[Mutt]

Hi jammo1989,

It has recently come to my attention that after exactly a year into her new relationship, she has been triggered again

there is a baby involved thats only 1 month old

Your ex partner had a baby a month ago, she may be going through postpartum depression ( PPD )