And just like buses

[Lolster]

Along comes another!

Unlike buses mine seem to have a rough timetable of coming along once a year.

I blocked a suspected BPD friend on face book a few months ago as she hadn't bothered replying to my last contact from a few months prior.  I just gave up wondering how she was etc and tolerating her changed boundaries of what she did or didn't expect from a friendship, and decided I would just go with what I want in a friend.  By this point it appeared she was bothering to contact me as and when she had nothing better to do anyway as It seemed I had somehow triggered her a couple of years prior to that, and I never got a response as to what I had done to upset her, just a load of passive aggressive nonsense about how dare I question her when she had always made it clear that her friendships don't last, (true, but she had also always told me that happens because people are never honest with her, and how she prefers the truth), and how I either accept her version of friendship when it suits her or not bother. 

So, I eventually chose the not bother route.  Then I see a post from a mutual friend, gushing about how this woman is coming to stay with her, how excited she is, etc. I ignored it.  Then I get a text from said uBPD asking if I am okay as she isn't able to reply to me on fb and has messaged me on Skype but not heard back from me.  So no doubt she has now arrived at the mutual friends (who I'm not close with) and is playing games.  She must have forgot that I reminded her of my number approximately a year ago, told her I'd lost her number along with my last phone, and my Skype log in as I really don't use it anyway.  That was the fb message she now seemingly wants to reply to, but can't.  Truth is she stopped answering my calls and raged at me for questioning that, which was after I must have triggered her in some way.

And now she's either contacting me by text because a) she's passed my area to get to the others friends house, or b) wanting a debate/reaction to use as a smear campaign against me with the other friend.  In hindsight I can see she did this with other people when she was with me, and cried victim!  She will have checked with the other friend that my fb account is still active.

I considered ignoring her, but I simply responded that yes, we are all well, that I haven't been on Skype in a long time, and that I hope her and her family are well.  It seemed pointless to mention fb or debate the facts that she already knows.

I'm hoping I'm getting better at dealing with these people? I did eventually decide to respond to the ex BPDbf who also contacted me after a year of no contact recently.  Interestingly he has not responded again due to me ignoring the emotional guilt trip attempt parts of his email.

[Mutt]

Hi Lolster,

I think that you did dealt with the situation fairly well. Your uBPD friend is over-generalizing with saying that everyone is not trustworthy and it sounds like she has rigid thought patterns when it comes to friendships. I get the sense she's saying "take it or leave it" and good for you with choosing what's best for you  

With Facebook, did she maybe delete the message and she's embarrassed or is did she block you on FB or you're not blocked from FB? She's putting an emphasis that she doesn't want to contact you from Facebook.

I have used Skype a little bit. Can you read messages offline or does she want to make it a little more personal and emotional contacting you over video chat? There are less emotions involved over e-mail, Facebook messages, and text or maybe its just her choice for sending and receiving messages.

[Lolster]

She initially reduced the contact to make it less personal, by refusing to take my calls and being offline on Skype at the times she knew I would be around.  This was after her constantly calling me, and me taking her calls even at the most inconvenient times (not enforcing my own boundaries).

It's around 4 years since I spoke to her on the phone/saw her in person as she lives a good distance from me.  I genuinely cannot log in to my Skype address that she has for me ,which I did make her aware of but she was initially the one who began to refuse contact ,other than via fb messenger.  Even then she would read the messages and not respond for longer and longer, then make excuses as to why she hadn't had time to respond, despite clearly having time to post sarcastic memes.  So no, she did read my last message just after I sent it.  It's only now that she knows I have blocked her that she seems to want to reply.  That's the point, she doesn't really want to ,she's just annoyed that she can't and is only making an issue out of it via text since she's now with another mutual friend. 

[Mutt]

She initially reduced the contact to make it less personal, by refusing to take my calls and being offline on Skype at the times she knew I would be around.  This was after her constantly calling me, and me taking her calls even at the most inconvenient times (not enforcing my own boundaries).

I can see how this would be frustrating and confusing. It sounds like she's saying she wants contact with the emphasis with Skype, "Its Ok for you to contact me on Skype again" is how I read it.  

I agree she's making an issue out of it, you have different values than your friend and you don't have to compromise yourself with her lack of trust in people. You also haven't spoke to or seen her in 4 years; she has social impairments and I don't think she's communicating clearly that she most likely wants to be friends again.

[Lolster]

I agree she's making an issue out of it, you have different values than your friend and you don't have to compromise yourself with her lack of trust in people. You also haven't spoke to or seen her in 4 years; she has social impairments and I don't think she's communicating clearly that she most likely wants to be friends again.

She does have huge social issues, probably as a result of being brought up by a woman that sounds like a BPD witch, who she's had no contact with in 30 years. I know it's not me, she changed the boundaries of our friendship with no explanation and split me when I told her that could be a reason she has problems maintaining friendships.  The fact that even her own sons hardly contact her should be a wake up call, but seemingly even that's not enough.  She thinks she has dealt with her FOO issues, I beg to differ.