The more I think about it...

[seang]

The more I'm not liking what im discovering.  With all the introspective thinking, analysing, looking at her and me, Im starting to think I do have a level of hfBPD too.  :)ont get me wrong, Im not taking away the fact that Im pretty sure she has BPD, but Im starting to realise there is a real possibility I do too.  Is that possible?

I mean i do tick some of the boxes regarding the traits.  I mean if you look hard enough, and with a little tweaking, i could fit most of them, expect for self harming, etc.  I dont know if i split people tho, and i am def the one hurting with this break.  Whereas she seems happy and to have moved on.

Now i dont know if im going slightly nuts here, or if im awakening to some disturbing reality.  I read somewhere that most if not ALL people display BPD traits at some point, and we all have some of the traits at low levels.  Im just hoping its that, and not me having a major issue here.

Its like Ive been searching for answers as to her behaviour, the split and aftermath, kinda been content to label her with pBPD, and gain some elimination from blame.  (BPD?)   But maybe in some weird, twisted way, its me with the problems.  Ive destroyed this relationship and Im the one faulty!

[Lifewriter16]

I can't help wondering if most of us on this website have felt we were BPD at some point in the process of recovery since reality is so disturbed when in a relationship with someone with BPD. I certainly felt that. I went so far as to do the personality disorder questionnaire on this website. My results showed that, if anything, I had traits of avoidant and dependent personality disorder, not BPD and definitely not NPD.

Have you tried the test? Obviously, it's not diagnostic but it might help with the self-doubt and enable you to make a decision as to whether it's worth looking into the possibility of diagnosis for yourself. I did relate to some of the traits in the descriptions of APD and DPD but they could also be accounted for by my existing diagnosis of asperger's syndrome.

The main thing is that we find ways of healing ourselves. That you are even considering that you may have BPD, could be one of the biggest indicators that you don't have it.

Lifewriter

[seang]

Thanks Lifewriter,

Where do i find that test?

[Lifewriter16]

Here's the link.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/indehp?topic=128254.0x.p

Lifewriter

x

[JohnnyShoes]

You're not alone. I thought about this also.

[Mutt]

Hi seang,

I can relate with having personality traits similar with my ex that displays traits of the borderline personality type. Our personalities can be from a million different combinations that make us who we are and how we think.  We may have a personality trait found in borderline personality disorder pathology although it doesn't necessarily mean we have a personality disorder  

We all have personality traits and characteristics, although psychologists differ in the number of personality characteristics that appear to be distinct and unique. The degree to which we exhibit a specific personality trait varies from person to person. Some personality traits have biological roots, but all are influenced by our environment, especially our family relationships. Consequently, the millions of possible combinations of personality traits, in varying degrees, accounts for the unique individuality we all possess, but the relatively small number of different personality traits also explains why there are so many similarities between groups of people.

Possession of a personality trait found in a personality disorder does not mean that you have a personality disorder. We possess many traits in common with others, but we are all different. A personality disorder refers to a pattern of thoughts, feelings and behavior, consistently exhibited by an individual over a long period of time, that is maladaptive because it creates psychological distress and life coping problems, rather than assisting with life adjustment and problem solving.

www.psychologyinfo.com/problems/personality.html

[LostGhost]

The easiest and quickest way for me to snap myself out of this line of thinking when it starts to go that way and maybe this will help others too... .ask yourself two questions:

1. Do I have an intense real/perceived fear of abandonment?

No, I simply feel lonely at times when I don't have a partner.

2. Do I have a history of short, unstable relationships where I continually leave my partners with little to no explanation and immediately move from one relationship to the next without looking back?

No, I take months and months to grieve a relationship, just like a death. It causes pain, sorrow, tears, sadness. I ruminate, I think about them, I think about us. People with BPD do not do this.

[SGraham]

I do think i have pretty bad abandonment fears but i think that is a result of a combination of anxiety and possibly a bit of codependency. Dont worry about it to much DS ive heard that sentiment expressed by many people here and i know i feel that way sometimes. It seems like pwBPD have a way of dragging others into their sick world.

[JohnnyShoes]

The easiest and quickest way for me to snap myself out of this line of thinking when it starts to go that way and maybe this will help others too... .ask yourself two questions:

1. Do I have an intense real/perceived fear of abandonment?

No, I simply feel lonely at times when I don't have a partner.

2. Do I have a history of short, unstable relationships where I continually leave my partners with little to no explanation and immediately move from one relationship to the next without looking back?

No, I take months and months to grieve a relationship, just like a death. It causes pain, sorrow, tears, sadness. I ruminate, I think about them, I think about us. People with BPD do not do this.

Thanks LostGhost

[cloudten]

I truly think we all feel this way at one point or another. I have tried to convince my own therapist that I was the one with a personality disorder. She said absolutely no way. I think its more common to feel the way you (and I) have felt about our own personality and whether it is disordered or not. When you sleep with dogs, you catch fleas. I think you have simply caught flees. If you think way back to before your pwBPD, I think you will see you were very different and that you have probably learned some bad habits and coping mechanisms from dealing with your pwBPD. I know I sure have!

Don't rule it out, but I think it's not very likely that you do considering you are on here asking about it and that you are being introspective.

Yes, pwBPD have a way of dragging others into their sick world. They drag you down and down and then abandon you as they fear they will be abandoned. It's not fair.

I try to find the good in every situation- and I truly feel like I have been put thru this for a reason... .i still haven't figured out what that reason is, but it's definitely for a reason.

[Gonzalo]

FOG, especially the projection, really messes with your head. By the time my ex- and I split up, I was a wreck in my head - I would get angry at what seemed like tiny provocations because there was history, I wasn't sure what was her thoughts and what was mine, I felt like I was abandoning her even though she broke up with me, and a bunch of other confusing things. It took a long time for me to sort myself out after the split, and there's still things I'm getting over.

Mental illness can be contagious.

[joeramabeme]

I felt the same way.  It was explained to me that it is not just the presence of these traits but their pervasiveness and intensity.  Also, because of the poor self image pwBPD have, they would never make a self-assessment that places them as the problem. 

Keep reading the literature, there are different types of non's that display various characteristics of BPD but for very different reasons.