Someone suggested that because my ex was younger than me... .17 years, that maybe he wanted out and caused allot of these "incidents" to try to get me to leave... .the cheating, acting out and such. One time a few years ago, he questioned his father if I was too old for him. I thought maybe he was seeing me as a "mother" figure. His father said not if we didn't feel that way. My husband said, I had changed... .which was true, I quit drinking and once I really saw the behavior in him, I kept trying to "help" and probably control him. He appreciated all that I did for him, he told me this... .he saw me as his rock, unlike his new gf who sees him as hers. I feel that may ultimately scare him, since he knows he is so unstable. But for now, he is convinced it was me that was causing him so much stress, trying to control his behaviors (which were extreme, believe me) there was really no way to control him- he did as he pleased. I think I just would make him look at the issues and deal with them and he just wanted to do whatever he wanted. I tried to get him to "grow up". I did feel like I had a man/child, we had lost our baby after a few months of my being pregnant, he became the child I didn't have. We both really did not want children and now I see it was a blessing. His Mother always told me he did not want kids, that he did not want to pass on what he had to anyone else. I think when at the end of last year, he decided he didn't want or need me anymore, he changed and did horrible things- maybe that was his way of getting me to leave... .not sure. Bringing that woman into my bed on Xmas, could have been a way of ending it with me, not sure if he really wanted me to see it or not. He was so drunk when he called her over and had had a fight with me to get me to leave the house. He thought I would be gone all night I suppose. I came home at 3:30 am, couldn't sleep. Found them! Even text me, being nice letting me know he was taking care of the animals and that I could feel comfortable staying at my sisters that night. He kept telling me, we needed a break and this year of separation would be good and maybe we could be back together at the end of it. I guess he thought he would string me along just in case things didn't work out with him. Where as I hoped he would take the steps to get better. I know I am better off and do not want him back. I know I didn't even want to deal with someone trying to recover from this, particularly him after all that he has done to me. He also said to me, too much has happened- As if he planned it that way... .maybe that was his "plan" for me all along. I don't know. He kept telling me he had a plan for me, I thought he meant to kill me or something. He could be really freaky at times. All the gas- lighting techniques and all... .I guess I am still trying to process the whole thing. I don't think there was anything I did "wrong" in this situation other than ignoring all the red flags in the beginning and staying in the first place. I honestly didn't see age as an issue like some people would either. There was some kind of pull between us, we both were fine with it in the beginning. Maybe he used that as an excuse later on when he started to want out. Asking me when he could put me in a retirement home (terrible). He is now with someone 8 years younger than him who is very immature and I think he likes that because he can act all childish and she must just think it's funny , whereas I was embarrassed of it. Not sure. She wants to have kids too... .so maybe he will do it, not sure. They say relationships are the biggest trigger with them. This girl is really being pushy to marry and have kids. It should be interesting what happens. I hope I can get through this soon though, I am tired of my focus being on him. I just have been doing that for 8 years and I guess it's hard to stop and focus on me. Just trying to settle things in my mind... .thanks for hearing me out...
P.S. The gf before me was 6 years younger and he didn't work out with her either... .mostly because she wouldn't put up with the drinking. We talked once, when he was still trying to get back together with her while with me. She was shocked he was with someone already and said she was done with him. Another red flag for me, I suppose... .: (
