Shattered

[ItHurtsBadly]

There is no point to try and "fix" "mend" "continue" "heal" or any of the above a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder.

They are beyond repair.  You may be the most well-adjusted person in the world, and you may make your BPD partner very happy.  But in the end, it will crumble.

I may sound overly pessimistic.  But I have been there.  Want to know the sick irony of pwBPD?  The more you make your partner feel safe, loved, desired, validated, what have you in the r/s the more they will fear being deserted.  Thus, the insane behavior and self-sabotage. 

[ItHurtsBadly]

It truly is a sad thing when the chaos of another's life takes over your own.  But this is the norm rather than the exception when dealing with people with BPD. 

pwBPD cannot sustain normalcy.  They need chaos.  If you want that in your life, take it.  Go ahead. 

[disorderedsociety]

What I don't get is the compulsive desire by some of them to have children.

What I also don't get is at certain times I could have been diagnosed with:

Depression

ADHD

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Orthorexia Nervosa

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder

and the list goes on

But I've throughout my teenage and young adult years found ways to cleanse myself of unhealthy behaviors and habits.

It seems viable on one hand that people previously diagnosed with BPD could do the same. After all, its just old emotions all crammed into one another is it not?

I'm so confused as to what to believe about my ex. She -was- diagnosed with the disorder, said she always had the symptoms but some days could be totally normal until at night when she turned into an alcoholic... .as she used to say, "all my emotions and energy are spent. I need a drink to calm me down."

And after the breakup she exhibited classic BPD behavior, so what is this? Bargaining?

Aren't diagnostic labels ultimately just that: labels?

[HappyNihilist]

Hi ItHurtsBadly, and welcome. It helps to talk.

Disordered relationships often do feel chaotic. BPD is a disorder of poor emotional regulation. For a pwBPD, feelings=facts. The potential for chaos is high.

It sounds like you put forth a tremendous amount of effort to try to make your ex feel safe, loved, and validated. It feels devastating when we feel like we've given everything, and it was all for naught.

Could you tell us a little more about your relationship? How long were you with your ex? Was your ex diagnosed with BPD?

Again, welcome.