Just want someone to hold me and say everything will be alright...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I was headed home from the football game tonight (I'm a cheer coach) and I got word from my cousin (my BPD or NPD's mother's side of the family) that my grandfather is going downhill fast. Of course, it takes my cousin wanting me to know and reaching out to me for me to know anything about what is going on. My family has pretty much disowned me since I quit having anything to do with their sister (my mother), the crazy b**ch.

Upon hearing that my lovely grandfather (someone who broke the mold for being a sweet man) is nearing death, I just had these deep, intense longings that made me wish I had a significant other that I could call up, actually tell exactly how I feel, and ask him to come over and just hold me.

Unfortunately, my mind flashed back to the pwBPD. It flashed back to what I thought I had found... .someone who would be that person for me. Someone who would be there and truly understand the fragile, loving soul I am. I long so badly to be able to be who I am with someone, knowing they care.

I think, honestly, that's why it's so hard to get over and let go of a pwBPD... .they promised us what we desire, or at least made us think they were the love we'd been waiting for, only to pull the rug out from under us... .

pwBPD makes us think we've finally found what we've been looking for (and doubting existed) and then... .the next minute, they're gone.

It's such a cruel way to be treated, but I believe it is my want and readiness to be in another relationship that got me played.

It's the dream (especially to those who tend to fall for those who can't reciprocate love) of a loving and reciprocal relationship that the shatter for us and it hits hard.

[misssouthernbelle]

I was headed home from the football game tonight (I'm a cheer coach) and I got word from my cousin (my BPD or NPD's mother's side of the family) that my grandfather is going downhill fast. Of course, it takes my cousin wanting me to know and reaching out to me for me to know anything about what is going on. My family has pretty much disowned me since I quit having anything to do with their sister (my mother), the crazy b**ch.

Upon hearing that my lovely grandfather (someone who broke the mold for being a sweet man) is nearing death, I just had these deep, intense longings that made me wish I had a significant other that I could call up, actually tell exactly how I feel, and ask him to come over and just hold me.

Unfortunately, my mind flashed back to the pwBPD. It flashed back to what I thought I had found... .someone who would be that person for me. Someone who would be there and truly understand the fragile, loving soul I am. I long so badly to be able to be who I am with someone, knowing they care.

I think, honestly, that's why it's so hard to get over and let go of a pwBPD... .they promised us what we desire, or at least made us think they were the love we'd been waiting for, only to pull the rug out from under us... .

pwBPD makes us think we've finally found what we've been looking for (and doubting existed) and then... .the next minute, they're gone.

It's such a cruel way to be treated, but I believe it is my want and readiness to be in another relationship that got me played.

It's the dream (especially to those who tend to fall for those who can't reciprocate love) of a loving and reciprocal relationship that the shatter for us and it hits hard.

[Yolanda123]

misssouthernbelle, I'm so sorry about your grandfather 

Yes, we have to let go of the fantasy. I'm finding it hard to realize that my ex BPDbf did not love me at all, did not know who I was as a person, that he was unable to because of the disorder. It's the hopes we had, of having met this great person, feeling so loved by them and letting ourselves believe that we would share life with them. The hopes and love on our side are very real and genuine. I totally understand what you must be feeling.

This experience with my exBPDbf has made me realize that who I am as a person, who you are as a person, someone who cares and is sincere, who has some issues, yes, like most people have, but we are willing to look at ourselves and work on ourselves, we have empathy, compassion, this my friend are the most valuable qualities in a human beeing. We have to cherish that and love ourselves, and share it only with healthy people that are able to appreciate and respect it and who can offer the same.

You will find this special someone who will see you and appreciate you for the good person that you are. Everything will be alright 

[Mutt]

Hi misssouthernbell,

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather