Advice on how to handle a recycle..

[Lou12]

My dilemma... .I am now being recycled again which is becoming a 2/3 week occurrence. The recycles are usually brought on by me doing a LC and disappearing from social media.

Usually my ex BPD would use covert things to reach out to me (phone calls/texts  from other numbers, social media postings etc) then I would directly contact him knowing he was reaching out for a response. Sometimes this would work and he would communicate with me for a few days before splitting me and other times I'd be ignored (presume he was just testing I was available at these times).

I have decided this time to not be so quick to reach out in the hope that he will directly contact me in stead of indirectly. My problem is... .whilst I know he will directly reach out to me eventually my instincts tell me that he will be angry and shamed by having to do so and therefore split me even worse. Suppose it doesn't make much of a difference as I get split anyway after a couple of days. This time however I want to try something new and not be so eager to reach out!

Any advice on how I can manage this recycle? And how I can avoid him becoming more angrier/shamed that I've made him directly reach out?

X

[OnceConfused]

what is the purpose of staying silent and hope that he will reach out to you first?

what do you try to achieve?

what is your end game here?

[Lou12]

Because when I reach out onceremoved I get split again within days!

My end game is to be with him but I'm failing so far at every turn!

[rotiroti]

The purpose of staying with a BPD shouldn't one based on hoping things get better - rather it should be based on accepting that they won't change and that you will have to employ new strategies to make it acceptable for you.

So looks like your heart is in the right place.

As for the recycling ever 2-3 weeks, i would wait and have him come back to you. I recommend this because it's obvious something has to change... .let's start by making you value you more.

[Lou12]

Thanks Rotiroti that's what I intend to do. I always went with the mindset that I had to keep showing him how much I wanted him but I'm changing my strategy hoping that it gives him a kick in the right direction.

If it doesn't work I can truly say I tried!

X

[OnceConfused]

If your end game is to be with him, then how do you think that being with him is a sustainable reality ? specifically, how do you  envision your day to day life with him (things that make you fill contents and happy)? Next questions, can he sustain being that person to you ?

I am asking you to look for not just one time event, but a long term happy relationship where you feel loved every day, you feel supported and not destroyed, you feel lifted to new heights and not new lows. How do you envision that scenario to happen ? and can he make that a reality or simply just a push/pull cycle or love/hate?

The end game is not to have this push/pull cycle in your any r.s.