Why, Why, Why?

[Herodias]

I just need to vent... .I haven't heard from my husband since Sept. 1. Not that long ago, but he let me know the alimony was in the bank for me and have a nice day. We ended up arguing. I now see on fb he is practically living with the new gf (who was recycled from an affair he had on me last year). The girl I found in my bed on Xmas seems to be paying attention to their r/s as well. She is friends with her on fb and "likes" some of her stupid love-bombing comments. How strange! The gf now has mentioned wanting to move closer to her family and plans to move sometime in the next year. Probably when her divorce is final next May. Mine will be in Jan. I suppose he will go with her.

My question is, why am I not seeing the fights or hearing about the hospital visits... .Why isn't all the stuff he did with me coming out yet? They have been seeing each other since March at least this time. She is all in love and thinks he is wonderful. I am sure she wouldn't post the bad. I know that he is under a pending felony charge and tends to be in better behavior when there is a risk to jail. He told me he has been stress free since I am out of the picture with no incidents (as he said)... .trying to blame it all on me. I am wondering if because she may not be putting the pressures on him I did- like act normal, don't flirt with other women and treat me with respect- maybe she is putting up with more and they are getting along. I do know she pressured him into moving in and she wants to get married and have kids- so that will get to him I am sure. But for now, I guess he is just mirroring her and blaming me for his craziness.

I know it sounds awful, but I want to know he is doing the same stuff! I want to know he is lying and cheating and gas lighting her... .I feel sure he is, but it really bothers me to think he is not. They are doing the same stuff we did and allot less! He acted so bored with me... .They don't have any friends, so I think it would be boring there too. He always had a hobby or something to do- He has no money now. Neither of them do. All the love comments about "her man" on FB he used to make fun of people like that! I just don't get it and I suppose that when he does decide to with on her and start the rages ( I only saw one or two when he showed up here and told me about them) He will use all these parts of her he doesn't like against her. She has in the past posted stuff about not letting your woman hear lies and not have tears - her life will be full of those in the future and maybe even now but she is not paying attention! He is known in his store to be a womanizer- she worked with him and should know this! They work different hours allot, so I would think since he can't be alone and I am not with him, he must be working on another person like he did with me... .It's just frustrating and I hate feeling like it was me- I now in my head he is mentally ill and has a narcissistic side. I guess I can't believe this r/s is still going on. I guess she has less self esteem than me and I guess since she left her husband for him, she has allot more to prove!

thanks for letting me vent. If anyone has any thought son what will be the outcome, please let me know... .I wish I was able to let go of my hurt feelings. I will get there. I now I do not want him back... .he introduced the three A's to our r/s that causes the perfect reason to divorce. Adultery, Alcohol and Abuse. He is drinking with her, but I wonder if it is to the extreme it was with me. He is back to peeing in his bed as he was when we first met. I helped him get that under control for years, but now I wonder if he has done it in her bed yet and not just in his apartment.

I know people don't change... .I want to know that I made the right decision to leave him and file for divorce I suppose. He would never let me hear the end of the fact that I abandoned him, even though he caused it. I cannot go back! I just want to feel justified I suppose.

[enlighten me]

Hi Herodias

There could be a number of reasons why it hasn't imploded yet. Like you say she may put up with it. He may be trying harder to prove you wrong or it could already have gone wrong you've just not heard about it.

I spent a lot of time waiting for my exs relationship to fall apart. Now Im glad it hasn't. I don't see it as a failing on my behalf. In my heart I know she wont keep it up and her self destructive cycle will continue.