My replacement making me question myself.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Sometimes I just wonder why he had just replaced me and put himself in another situation, but I see she probably doesn't make any demands on him yet. She's young and thinks he hung the moon... .Constantly feeding his ego- on Facebook as well! She's starting to make comments that show me there are questions... .I feel bad sometimes because if I fed his ego more he may have been nicer to me as well... .I don't know, maybe I'm being delusional. There was so much caos I wasn't able to always be loving  and nice. Especially with the cheating! She posted an article that said if you cheat on someone you didn't love them. They both cheated on their spouses. So now I'm questioning- did he love me or not? I don't think the article was very intelligent really, but she says she believes it. So I guess when she said she loved her husband on Facebook when she was seeing mine, I guess she was lying. I'm feeling insecure at the moment I suppose. I'm sure he hasn't changed... .but he didn't comment on the article I suppose because I think he'll always cheat... .At least I think so... .Do you?

[Herodias]

Sometimes I just wonder why he had just replaced me and put himself in another situation, but I see she probably doesn't make any demands on him yet. She's young and thinks he hung the moon... .Constantly feeding his ego- on Facebook as well! She's starting to make comments that show me there are questions... .I feel bad sometimes because if I fed his ego more he may have been nicer to me as well... .I don't know, maybe I'm being delusional. There was so much caos I wasn't able to always be loving  and nice. Especially with the cheating! She posted an article that said if you cheat on someone you didn't love them. They both cheated on their spouses. So now I'm questioning- did he love me or not? I don't think the article was very intelligent really, but she says she believes it. So I guess when she said she loved her husband on Facebook when she was seeing mine, I guess she was lying. I'm feeling insecure at the moment I suppose. I'm sure he hasn't changed... .but he didn't comment on the article I suppose because I think he'll always cheat... .At least I think so... .Do you?

[Skip]

Loosing a spouse to infidelity is a very difficult thing - betrayal trauma is very difficult thing. Its natural to have these questions and feelings that you are having…

There are likely issues that you contributed to the relationship problems just as he did. But he is the one who chose to resolve it is a very messy and hurtful way.

It may help to separate these two thoughts out.

You share responsibility here:

There are likely issues that you contributed to the relationship problems just as he did.

This is on him - its doesn't reflect on you a all.

He is the one who chose to resolve it is a very messy and hurtful way.

[SGraham]

I feel bad sometimes because if I fed his ego more he may have been nicer to me as well... .

ah theres you're problem. I mean i guess maybe you could have clung on a bit longer but is that really what you want? Feeding into some narcissistic maniac's fantasy? No, you deserve more than that.

[patientandclear]

I get caught in that loop often ("if I made him feel good all the time and didn't complain or object to anything maybe we could have been happy".

A great friend whom I met here wrote me "all we know is that if you let him do exactly what he wants at all times, he MIGHT be nice to you."

Hearing it that way breaks my tendency to wish I had tried that.