After this amount of time you would think she would get the message

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am nearly 10 months no contact, deleted my email, blocked on my phone, FB is on lockdown (no mutual friends), LinkedIn is on full lockdown.

I have been stalked since February, I moved nearly a 200 mile round trip for her to drive by's etc - I Have kept a log of every time her name gets flagged up on any social media etc, whether mine or my daughters. I have full CCTV outside the house.

I am sick and tired of it - her last move was taking out a fraudulent Insurance policy at my address in her name - to try and manipulate me into breaking no contact and getting in touch with her.

After this amount of time you would think she would get the message, I have to remember she will do anything to get attention and a reaction from me, to reinforce why I am black black black and the evil one etc. How long will it take for her to get bored and go away - as everyone suggests - no idea  but for a normal person 10 months down the line would be moving on and getting on with life - for her she has the maturity of a child and will carry on screaming to get my attention and reaction by which ever means possible

Just keep a log, screen shot where possible, note all drive by's and protect yourself, lock down FB etc

[greenmonkey]

I am nearly 10 months no contact, deleted my email, blocked on my phone, FB is on lockdown (no mutual friends), LinkedIn is on full lockdown.

I have been stalked since February, I moved nearly a 200 mile round trip for her to drive by's etc - I Have kept a log of every time her name gets flagged up on any social media etc, whether mine or my daughters. I have full CCTV outside the house.

I am sick and tired of it - her last move was taking out a fraudulent Insurance policy at my address in her name - to try and manipulate me into breaking no contact and getting in touch with her.

After this amount of time you would think she would get the message, I have to remember she will do anything to get attention and a reaction from me, to reinforce why I am black black black and the evil one etc. How long will it take for her to get bored and go away - as everyone suggests - no idea  but for a normal person 10 months down the line would be moving on and getting on with life - for her she has the maturity of a child and will carry on screaming to get my attention and reaction by which ever means possible

Just keep a log, screen shot where possible, note all drive by's and protect yourself, lock down FB etc

[Skip]

When was the last time she contacted you?  What was it about?

[greenmonkey]

I have been strict no contact since mid November last year.

We weren't married, have no joint assets, accounts, kids or otherwise.

It was a clean cut end of relationship - she is employed earning a salary - there is no need for their to be any communication whatsoever.

[Skip]

Let me rephrase… when and what was the last stalking incident?

[greenmonkey]

ok last Thursday - always a thursday - she parks outside the house, late at night, out of view of the cameras (we recognise her car as the engine is about to drop out and is noisy noisy).

We have her pattern and know approximate times.

Her latest cyber stalking was my daughters LinkedIn also within the last 10 days.

The police are aware of her, and my address is flagged for a quick response - should she rage at the door or jump my fence (she has done that before)

[Skip]

ok last Thursday she parked outside the house, late at night, out of view of the cameras (we recognise her car as the engine is about to drop out and is noisy noisy).

She drives 2 hours to your neighborhood and sits in her car to watch your house?  What do you think it is all about?

[greenmonkey]

ok last Thursday she parked outside the house, late at night, out of view of the cameras (we recognise her car as the engine is about to drop out and is noisy noisy).

She drives 2 hours to your neighborhood and sits in her car to watch your house?  What do you think it is all about?

I have no idea, police are puzzled, as is everyone else, does not get out of the car, does nothing, zero, stays about 5-10 minutes - very very odd - maybe wants to feel a connection to me - who knows ?

[Skip]

Maybe she is checking to see if someone is staying over…

Does she know that you know?

[greenmonkey]

Maybe she is checking to see if someone is staying over…

Does she know that you know?

Who knows what is going through her mind tbh I have no idea.

I believe that as she comes late at night she thinks no-one can see her, knows she is there. A long way to come for 10 mins max if you ask me.

[Skip]

Maybe she is checking to see if someone is staying over…

Does she know that you know?

Who knows what is going through her mind tbh I have no idea.

I believe that as she comes late at night she thinks no-one can see her, knows she is there. A long way to come for 10 mins max if you ask me.

There might not be a message for her to get.

She might think it is harmless, invisible lurking of someone with a broken heart… If you tell her (politely) that you are seeing her and its upsetting your daughter, she might stop.

We have members here that are forlorn and monitor the exs and assume that it is invisible and harmless.

Making her aware may help.

[greenmonkey]

Maybe she is checking to see if someone is staying over…

Does she know that you know?

Who knows what is going through her mind tbh I have no idea.

I believe that as she comes late at night she thinks no-one can see her, knows she is there. A long way to come for 10 mins max if you ask me.

There might not be a message for her to get.

She might think it is harmless, invisible lurking of someone with a broken heart… If you tell her (politely) that you are seeing her and its upsetting your daughter, she might stop.

We have members here that are forlorn and monitor the exs and assume that it is invisible and harmless.

Making her aware may help.

I have been no contact since mid November, and I have been advised by the police to keep a log, monitor etc and do not make contact.

[Skip]

The police don't want you to confront her or escalate anything - that makes sense from their viewpoint.  You don't want to go down and knock on her car window.

This might be one of those times when we place too high a value on "absolute no contact". If detachment is the goal, a photo in the mail with a polite posty note, might go a long way in getting to a point of not needing to be hyper-vigilant.

[greenmonkey]

The police don't want you to confront her or escalate anything - that makes sense from their viewpoint.  You don't want to go down and knock on her car window.

This might be one of those times when we place too high a value on "absolute no contact". If detachment is the goal, a photo in the mail with a polite posty note, might go a long way in getting to a point of not needing to be hyper-vigilant.

I have no idea where she lives, but at the same time do not want to be accused of stalking harassing myself. What will happen will happen she will do whatever self destructive behaviour she wants to, without getting any attention from me.

[Blistex]

It has been over 2 years for me and your situation looks almost identical to mine:

"I am sick and tired of it - her last move was taking out a fraudulent Insurance policy at my address in her name - to try and manipulate me into breaking no contact and getting in touch with her."

I recommend no contact.  Don't break the silence.

Ex also used flying monkeys to break the contact as well when the almost identical scenario above happened to me just 2 months ago.  No JADE'ing (justify, argue, defend, or explain) to them as well.

I also moved 1 hour away but have never disclosed my address so I don't get drive-bys.  Unfortunately my parents get the drive by's instead.  And they see the "hovering" (dropping off leftover items every 6 months or so and for 2 years in a row on Father's Day!).

[greenmonkey]

It has been over 2 years for me and your situation looks almost identical to mine:

"I am sick and tired of it - her last move was taking out a fraudulent Insurance policy at my address in her name - to try and manipulate me into breaking no contact and getting in touch with her."

I recommend no contact.  Don't break the silence.

Ex also used flying monkeys to break the contact as well when the almost identical scenario above happened to me just 2 months ago.  No JADE'ing (justify, argue, defend, or explain) to them as well.

I also moved 1 hour away but have never disclosed my address so I don't get drive-bys.  Unfortunately my parents get the drive by's instead.  And they see the "hovering" (dropping off leftover items every 6 months or so and for 2 years in a row on Father's Day!).

Not had flying monkeys - but just watching and logging, unfortunately this is where I lived when her and I got together initially so she knows the address. Distance does not bother her at all. She will not get an inch from me ever. The silence will remain and the only attention she will get will be from the police when she over steps the mark

[Blistex]

Forgot to mention a couple of things:

Because it has been 2 years, I find:

1) That the reason for no jade'ing with flying monkeys is that they call with judgment already in their mind.  For example, why would you not call the ex regarding the mail?  A reasonable person would.  Instead you just return to sender.  That's not very nice.  See how it gets twisted?  No boundaries with these people.  And in my case it wasn't my address it was my parents she used.  Parents don't want her mail, don't want to talk to her and don't want to be involved.  But the ex tries to force the issue.

2)  Also look for patterns on her attempts to charm or recycle or simply stalk you.  After 2 years, I can predict which holidays will include "drop offs" at my parents, which holidays are more subtle (cards for example).  Not sure what to recommend for this pattern except hopefully you will not be surprised.

And finally I try to look at things not as they "should" be but as they truly are.  My ex should not be doing xyz, but she is doing xyz.   Another way not to be surprised.  For example: your ex should not be driving by your house every other Thursday, but she IS driving by your house every other Thursday.

It is not right.  What you want to do with it I am not sure.   But you will see it more clearly.  

I would not confront her, talk to her, just keep the silence.  These people can be snakes and perhaps she is trying to get a dv order on you if you even 1 time break no contact?  Or she wants you to file one?  Sometimes these people will want to use the courts to force contact.  

Anyhoo... .please let me know how it goes.  I am also looking for closure and would like any ideas on timeframes other people experienced.

[greenmonkey]

Forgot to mention a couple of things:

Because it has been 2 years, I find:

1) That the reason for no jade'ing with flying monkeys is that they call with judgment already in their mind.  For example, why would you not call the ex regarding the mail?  A reasonable person would.  Instead you just return to sender.  That's not very nice.  See how it gets twisted?  No boundaries with these people.  And in my case it wasn't my address it was my parents she used.  Parents don't want her mail, don't want to talk to her and don't want to be involved.  But the ex tries to force the issue.

2)  Also look for patterns on her attempts to charm or recycle or simply stalk you.  After 2 years, I can predict which holidays will include "drop offs" at my parents, which holidays are more subtle (cards for example).  Not sure what to recommend for this pattern except hopefully you will not be surprised.

And finally I try to look at things not as they "should" be but as they truly are.  My ex should not be doing xyz, but she is doing xyz.   Another way not to be surprised.  For example: your ex should not be driving by your house every other Thursday, but she IS driving by your house every other Thursday.

It is not right.  What you want to do with it I am not sure.   But you will see it more clearly.  

I would not confront her, talk to her, just keep the silence.  These people can be snakes and perhaps she is trying to get a dv order on you if you even 1 time break no contact?  Or she wants you to file one?  Sometimes these people will want to use the courts to force contact.  

Anyhoo... .please let me know how it goes.  I am also looking for closure and would like any ideas on timeframes other people experienced.

I work in the security industry so have kept a detailed log, and there are patterns, birthdays, kids half term, every thursday - was wednesday but changed. She did the insurance as she knew it would press buttons to get me to pick up the phone and contact her.

I know she will keep banging at the door until she gets a reaction or a shiny new toy, but she is not showing any sign of giving up. I just have to wait and watch and see what she does next. My daughter calls her a ticking time bomb - which is fairly apt.