Am I somehow in the wrong for this?

[disorderedsociety]

My (very highly likely BPD) mother starts texting me a long-winded message about shopping for organic groceries. I try to be nice and ask where she got some coffee she gave me a while back, even though she had previously gone on about how she feels I don't care about her because I don't respond to her texts/calls all the time despite her having a growth in her lung operated on recently.

Her response? The next morning she sends me a bunch of bible scriptures. I'm like ok, maybe she thinks these will be useful or something so I look them up but I don't really make any connections. They seem like good words of advice but completely unrelated to any string of conversation. So I say, "and you wonder why I don't talk to you."

Incoming barrage of texts telling me how I'm an unhappy person, have a hardened heart, she doesn't know who I am, I just want to argue, etc.

I tell her, quite the opposite of hardened. That's why it hurts me when I ask a question and get a bunch of bible verses.

She goes on about how she felt like she was "blessing" me by sending them and if I don't want a "loving, caring mother" in my life just say so. She can't talk to me if I'm going to continually hurt her, as I've hurt her enough.

Then I'm told I ignored her texts and asked a random question about coffee, even though the last text from her was on the topic.

I say she assumes I'm ignoring her when in all reality I may be busy.

She goes on about how she sent the scriptures because she felt she didn't do her duty raising me with enough scripture and now I'm an unhappy person. "SORRY! I won't try to help you any more!"

I tell her it simply makes no sense. You don't need to get your beliefs involved to simply be a good parent and have a conversation with your son.

"We weren't having a conversation! You didn't text me back in response to any of MY texts and then you texted a RANDOM TEXT ABOUT COFFEE! And I TEXTED THE SCRIPTURE VERSES THIS MORNING TO BLESS YOU! You shouldn't complain anyway, since you horribly ABUSED ME & CAUSED ME A COLLAPSED LUNG when you THREW MY KEYS DOWN 4 ME TO PICK UP AFTER I HAD A PEUMO THORAX! AND you NEVER EVEN CHECKED ON ME IN 3 MONTHS... even AFTER I TOLD YOU I HAD THE WORST KIND OF CANCER IN AT LEAST 1 NODULE IN MY LUNG! So how dare you criticize me for trying to help you after all you've done to hurt ME. Anyway... .HERES YOUR ANSWER: I told you LONG AGO... .IN A NOTE I LEFT YOU AT X's MOTHER'S (my BPD ex's mother's) WHEN WE SPOKE LAST YEAR THAT C's (a friend of mine from high school. She somehow finds it reasonable to contact my old friends.) SOLD IT ALL THAT COFFEE TO ME TO GET ME SIGNED ON UNDER HIM SO HED MAKE A LOT OF MONEY (pyramid scheme sales) etc.

And by the way, a good conversation with your mother or anyone involves both people sharing and listening to the other. NOW. I have to go! I've spent too much time texting YOU... since YOU avoided MY phone call and it made me take too long when I have some place to go. UNLIKE WHAT YOU SCREAMED AT ME AFTER MY SURGER... .I DO HAVE FRIENDS.

IM NOT TEXTING YOU ANY MORE. IF YOU EVER WANT TO HAVE A DECENT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER THEN CALL ME WITH A CONTRITE HEART WITH RESPECT."

I go on to tell her that if she wants a decent relationship with her son she needs to have respect and not use me as a dumping ground for her problems. She then turns it around on me again, accuses me of being narcissistic, saying that what I said proves my guilt about having yelled at her after her surgery when she was being crazy. Don't text me again, she says.

I tell her if she contacts me again I'm changing my number, that she's insane.

She tells me I'm sick and that she told me 3 times not to text her.

I tell her she's disgusting.

She says, NO-U ARE.

It further devolves and I give up. She sends me a picture of where they inserted testing instruments next to her breast for her lung nodule. I am disgusted.

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Anyway, yeah I shouldn't go back and forth but she's so crazy. Other people can vouche for the way she treated me during high school yet I still look for where I might be wrong. Same thing as when my ex left me for a guy she barely knew and got pregnant a month in. I start looking at myself badly and trying to decipher meaning where there is none.

[hopeful12345]

I got a headache just reading this!

I'm so sorry. She has the problem, not you.

When I was baited by members of my FOO, especially my mother, I would finally lose my cool a bit and say something unflattering because I was hurt. That doesn't make it right, but I'm only human, like you, and can only take so much. So I became crazy and a bad person for this.

Try to have a good day. I really had to go no contact with all of them, but they still wouldn't let me go. We all have our hands full. The guilt trip your mother is trying to place on you, reminds me of my own FOO and what they might do. They all seem so much alike.

[Panda39]

Hi disorderedsociety,

This all sounds so exhausting, chaotic, frustrating, and hurtful.  It sounds to me like you and your mom ended up in one of those never ending circular conversations/arguments.  I wanted to give you a link on the subject for you to check out.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.msg1171097#msg1171097

After reading, think about if there were ways you could have shortened the discussion or handled things differently. I direct this to you because one of the first things all of us here have had to learn is that we can't force anyone to change. Your BPD mom and my SO's uBPDexw are who they are and will most likely always be.   We can only change ourselves and how we react to things.

I also wanted to point out the box to the right you might also want to check out the "Lessons" links ------------------------------------>

I hope some of this helps and give you food for thought.

Take Care,

Panda39