Difficulty moving on from a relationship with a BPD

[floralpup]

I was in a serious relationship with a BPD, and am having difficulty moving on from it. I miss him and desperately want to connect with him, but I know he is unstable and we could not have a healthy relationship. I can't help how I feel about him, though. He's recently reached out to me and I am struggling with whether to respond or not. I am scared to open the line of communication with him, but I am somewhat tempted to.

[HappyNihilist]

Hi there floralpup, and welcome to the family. I'm glad you found us. There are many people here who understand.

It's completely natural to have a hard time letting go and moving on from a serious relationship like this. I know what it's like to desperately love and miss someone who's not healthy for me. I'm so sorry you're struggling with this.  

How long were you with your ex-boyfriend? How long has it been since you broke up?

You said he's recently reached out to you, and you're torn about whether or not to respond. That's very understandable. What did he say when he reached out? What scares you about the possibility of replying?

It's important to take care of yourself, first and foremost. It's great that you're giving yourself time and space to think about the situation before responding.

Again, welcome to the family. Please, keep posting - it helps to talk.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey floralpup, I echo HN: Welcome!  You've come to a great place and we really "get it" when it comes to BPD.  Many here have been in the same situation, including me.  What makes you think your former BF had BPD?  Tell us more, when you get a chance.  Going through a b/u with a pwBPD is incredibly painful, I know, and the symptoms are somewhat similar to withdrawal from a drug addiction.  It's tempting to reach out to your Ex in order to relieve your pain, though generally it leads to more pain, so it's usually better to wait.

LuckyJim

[OnceConfused]

most of us who are involved with BPD, tend to have some co-dependency issues, as we found the charm of BPD elevated us and made us happy. So when it is time to move on, we struggle because we are afraid that we would lose that affirmation of ourselves from BPD and more importantly, we forgot the bad times w BPD.

You are going through the same feeling of uncertainty, of wanting to go back to something known where your heart wants to go, but don't let the mind be clouded by the heart. Remind yourself of the reasons why you left.  When the attaching heart wants to return to the old r.s w BPD, ask tough questions as to why you left and why really you want to come back to the same conditions , only to leave again after a while?

Why waste your time going back to a place where you will certainly be leaving again. Go back to something good, not something bad.

I visualize being with the xBPDgf for 5, 10, 15 years under the same craziness, same abuse, I could not see myself being happy, I can only see my business suffered, my support system isolated, and my relationship with my own children destroyed. THough to go back was so easy with a call and a cup of coffee, I understood why I had to stay NC and move on.