She made her choices.

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Undx BPD sister wanted no contact with me because I was the problem in our family.  She has cut herself off totally from me, moved with no communications contacts except to BPD muv and endad. However she moved 8 hours away and left me with BPS muv and en dad at the ages of 80 and 86.  Who I keep firmly boundaried.

Now I have been told by parents that BPS sisters  gambling abusive husband has gone. Marriage failed  because of his gambling. This is the second time and this time he hit her. I know she can be a complete cow but he is a sod because he winds her up, he knows the buttons calls her all sorts of names  and hitting is a big no no.

Old reaction was to find a contact and race in and be the big sister as drama always brings us together and we forget the past as the drama is bigger.  Note I wrote Old. This time I feel nothing  and have made the decision she made her choices and i will respect them. Something inside me clicked/ clunked before I made this decision, What is best is my adult kids supported it. They see their aunt clearly.  And now I have this peace. I did worry about her kids. But she made the decision including them. And I accept that.  I know in the future she will throw it at me that I didnt care and if I really cared i would have found some way to contact her. Such is the BPD thinking. But I don't care. Not one bit. She has lessons to learn and its harder as she doesnt have me to blame.

[yamada]

Undx BPD sister wanted no contact with me because I was the problem in our family.  She has cut herself off totally from me, moved with no communications contacts except to BPD muv and endad. However she moved 8 hours away and left me with BPS muv and en dad at the ages of 80 and 86.  Who I keep firmly boundaried.

Now I have been told by parents that BPS sisters  gambling abusive husband has gone. Marriage failed  because of his gambling. This is the second time and this time he hit her. I know she can be a complete cow but he is a sod because he winds her up, he knows the buttons calls her all sorts of names  and hitting is a big no no.

Old reaction was to find a contact and race in and be the big sister as drama always brings us together and we forget the past as the drama is bigger.  Note I wrote Old. This time I feel nothing  and have made the decision she made her choices and i will respect them. Something inside me clicked/ clunked before I made this decision, What is best is my adult kids supported it. They see their aunt clearly.  And now I have this peace. I did worry about her kids. But she made the decision including them. And I accept that.  I know in the future she will throw it at me that I didnt care and if I really cared i would have found some way to contact her. Such is the BPD thinking. But I don't care. Not one bit. She has lessons to learn and its harder as she doesnt have me to blame.

[Kwamina]

Hi yamada

I am very sorry to hear your sister got hit by her abusive husband. In spite of everything, she's still your sister and I can imagine that this must still have been quite unpleasant news for you.

How are your parents dealing with this situation? How have they reacted to the news that your sister's marriage has failed and her husband hit her?

How old are your sister's children? Are they adults too?

It's unfortunate that your sister has behaved the way she has and has cut herself off completely from you. You are absolutely right though that this was her decision to make, she is responsible for her own life and choices so must also deal with the consequences that follow from her behavior. You indeed aren't responsible for rescuing her.

[HappyChappy]

So sorry to hear about the problems of your sister and her kids. But I’m sure many on this website understand your stand on this. It is common for a BPD to be drawn towards someone who displays abusive behaviour (often a NPD). I guess you can only do so much before you become background noise. But you’re right, it’s not your responsibility. Take care.